What would make you fall out of love?

[curious987]

What would, or has, made you fall out of love with someone in the past?

 

And do you think that if you have fallen out of love with someone for whatever reason, and that reason changes, could you easily fall back in love with someone?

[TearsofFate]

Cheating. No, I couldn't fall back in love...once that happens, the loving caring guy I thought I knew turns into a monster in my eyes.

 

Even if he had the best excuse in the world, it's just one of those things that shows a little bit too much about a person who would do something like that while in a relationship.

[nutbrownhare]

In the early, heady days of a relationship when I've been 'in love' and everything's wonderful - I'm still getting to know the guy. I've sometimes fallen out of love very abruptly when I've experienced something that feels like a knife twisting in my gut.

 

While that's the signal, I can stand back and look rationally at what happened - usually something like the guy twisting something that happened to make it look as though I was totally in the wrong, telling me what I was thinking and not being prepared to listen to what my true thoughts were, being terribly manipulative OR sulking as a means of trying to control. All of these are big red flags and give a clue as to how he'd be likely to operate in the long term. But it's the gut feeling that comes first and once I've felt it for a person - that's IT, and it's not difficult to walk away.

 

Years ago, a friend of mine who also happened to be a counsellor told me 'At the first sign of jealousy or sulking - get out! Because it isn't going to work.'

[RedDress]

For me there have been two things:

 

The chronic inability to hold down a job.

 

No, actually this DID change. He now holds a steady job. But... people only change in degrees. While he can hold on to THIS job (at least for now), he'll never have the ambition/drive that I have, he'll never be able to relate to how work is a priority for me, he'll always have some scam going on (ie: calling in sick when he's not really sick). As much as I care for him as a person, I cannot build a life with this person and deal with this for life.

 

Chronic Anti-social/hermit behaviour

 

Nope. I am a social person. I need to get out and do all sorts of fun things with people. Someone who is drawn to the TV rather than going out... well... that's their preference. You can work around this for a while (and in fact, we did) by simply attending alone or through compromise... but this person will never initiate these types of activities. This makes me feel bored and trapped in the relationship. Again, as much as I care for him as a person, this is not someone I can build a life with. If his tendancies are to stay home... his tendancies are to stay home. Building a life with this type of person (for me) is an extremely bad idea.

 

People only ever really change in degrees. It is extremely rare for someone to do a complete turn-around. An angry person will never really change into a happy person, for example. They may become less angry (with work) - but they will never be happy-go-lucky. It's just not who they are. I think that if you discover a glaring incompatibility like this... it's just never going to work. Relationships require compromises... but they shouldn't be constant compromises. That simply cannot be sustained.

[redswim30]

Lack of care or respect- if you tell your partner something is important and they make no effort to change it- particularly if it something hurtful to you.

 

I think once you are truly 'Out of Love' you cannot fall back in it with the same person. I think if you do fall back in love with someone, then you werent truly completely out of love with them. But I think it's possible to fall in and out of "Like" with someone, if that makes sense.

[gingerlemon]

Not having enough space.