Is it possible to love two people at once?

[chelzee]

Thank you for taking time to read my post.

 

I have been talking to someone (John) for over 3 years now. Due to various circumstances in our lives, such as moving to different cities, school, work in different countries and miscommunication, we have not established a committed relationship. We had met our last year in college and seen each other on and off, but both knew we were moving to different cities after graduating, so we decided to keep it casual. The thing is, we have kept in contact with one another throughout all these years, sometimes he would be the one to call me, without me ever calling him. I have never stopped caring for him and I tried to move on.

 

I recently decided to get into a relationship, as I figured I would never be able to be with John and I wanted a fresh start. The man I am dating now is wonderful. He is caring and sincere and will do anything for me. He truly loves me and we have a great connection. The problem is, me and John have kept contact and I had finally told him that I needed to cut the cord. He finally admitted to me his true feelings, stating how now he matured and he is a ready to commit to me. He has said things that he never said before, he said he feels stronger for me each time we talk.

 

Basically, I'm wondering if you can love two people at the same time? I love my current boyfriend and I care about him in ways I had never cared about anyone before, yet I can't seem to cut the cord with John and I think I love John, I long for him and miss him, my heart aches inside. Can anyone relate to this? If so, what did you do?

 

Your thoughts?

 

Thank you and much appreciated.

[greywolf]

I think you need to choose, and when you cut contact with one of them, you'll eventually forget about them.

[faithful14]

I cant relate to this but what I have had friends (who have experienced it) tell me that yes, you can feelings for multiple people but you usually wind up having stronger feelings for one more than the other.

[TearsofFate]

Lots of people say "Well the love isn't genuine if you love two people. That means you love neither" However I think this isn't true. I think it is VERY possible to have feelings or "love" two people at the same time. Maybe for different reasons, maybe not.

 

Time usually can tell you which one you should be with. Sometimes you'll end up loving the one you didn't expect, and sometimes neither of them, over time. You just need to let it happen naturally, and not to push anything.

 

Don't do anything drastic like choosing between the two of them without being certain. Listen to your heart but also, if John did you wrong, maybe you should let him stay as your friend. Friendships are great things too, as long as they don't jeopardize your current relationship.

 

Eventually you will have to choose though, and it should come easily to you once you are ready.

[marshall03]

Well, I've been in this situation before, and also, due to my religious beliefs -- I have a specific view on this.

 

It's sort of silly for people to think they can find one person who is their everything and wonderful one-and-only. I believe loving two people is VERY possible, because sometimes one person doesn't give you everything you need or want.

 

That being said, is it right? I don't know. I'm all about free will and people's right to be happy with whatever they want. You have to do what makes you happy, but you also have to take into consideration the people around you. Do you have it in you to love both of them? Do you have it in you to say to them, "I'm not sure what I want right now, and I want to take the time to explore both options and figure it out," and face the consequences of that? Or are the type of person who feels it's best to pick one, stick to it, and go through with your decision? You're going to have to decide what option you think will work best for you, your future, and your happiness. In the end, only you can make the final decision, and you'll have to live with whichever you decide.

 

I hope it all works out for you.

[NotSoDead]

I guess it is possible to love to people at once, though we live in a monogamous society rather than a polyamourus society so you pretty much have to choose one or the other.

[chelzee]

I read all of your replies, and I thank you all very much for not passing judgement and responding so honestly. I appreciate the kindness and positive thoughts about this all. Time will tell, as for choosing, I won't choose right at this point but I will wait and time will tell what will happen. I will listen to my heart, but I also got to think of things logically with John.

TearsofFate, your post opened my eyes because your right..."Sometimes you'll end up loving the one you didn't expect, and sometimes neither of them, over time. You just need to let it happen naturally, and not to push anything." I think time will tell.

marshall03, I completely agree with your post too. I am the type of person to take people's feelings and what not into consideration when making decisions. Most of the time, I put my own happiness aside to make others happy, I have done that all my life with different situations.. so I think this is why I find it so hard to let go or progress with my relationship now -if that makes sense. lol.

I am afraid of being hurt, but I know choosing will ultimately hurt two people or me more so in the long run...that is the scary part.

I have never believed in dating multiple people or keeping things from one another in a relationship, so I know there will come a time where I have to be real with myself. John knows about my relationship and he said he doesn't care because he knows deep down my true feelings...makes me wonder a little bit...

life throws us all kinds of surprises..