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This was not my plan

Everyday I reinvent who I am

Grey thoughts and grey goose

I don't even have to choose


I dream of getting higher

And wake up on tile floors

My limitations are pacifiers

So I'll never open doors


No use for other people

I only ever speak to things

My mind's becoming feeble

When I need it for everything


I'd rather be you

Tired of all the things I do

Talk and I won't listen

I don't care what I'm missing


I can't turn the page

Numbness replacing all my rage

All I do is sleep and dream

Of Jameson and Jim Beam...............................


you're getting closer to pushing me off of life's little edge

cuz i'm a loser, and sooner or later you know i'll be dead

you're getting closer, you're holding the rope and i'm taking the fall

Cuz I'm a loser

I'm a loser, yeah


That's how I change Three Doors Down songs to benefit me. Keep the chorus and write something random for verses.

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  • 3 weeks later...

My long break lasted 5 days, lol. I'm on a big heater so let's see how long it lasts. It's 4 days strong right now.


I still haven't gotten used to seeing my reflection yet and it's been months since I cut my longggggggggggggg hair. It almost doesn't look like me, lol. I like it, though.


image removed

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Well, I must say it becomes you. I might be forced to at least temporarily suspend you from my s list. grrr


Now. For those of us who have that nagging curiosity cat that nips at our ankles --


Hold the camera out. Think of the FUNNIEST thing you've ever heard...or at least in the last 6 months. DON'T THINK ABOUT THINKING ABOUT IT, and just SNAP!!!


I dare you to put that out there.


C'mon, you can do it! There's a first for everything. (And we don't have one like that since you've been shorn, so it's only fair.)


You know what's going to make you laugh even more than anything someday? When you're 34 years old, and you're talking to some girl about how you used to wear your hair long. REALLLLLY long, as in "below the shoulders." She'll say, "No way!! I totally can't see that!" And you'll have to bust out the pics to prove it.


And then she'll just melt and go, "Awwwww, OMYGOD, you're sooooo cute like that! Wow, you look like a rock star!" And you'll say, "(lol), well, I kind of was, that's when I was in a band." And she'll just be all doting on the lonnnng hair and how different you looked with it, and how cute and nifty it all was.


Then you'll know the full extent of just having to laugh to yourself about something.

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Ha, yeah...well. Can't say I don't get that.


Sometimes when I visualize me at my (hypothetical) wedding, I imagine having to take the hundred billion pictures...all smiling. Again and again and again, no end to the "one more!"s. And then I just think...forget the whole marriage thing after all, then. LOL.


But I know you've smiled here before...ah. Maybe some other cheery day.


You can get away with the serious look. I do that, I just look a dour ghoul. haha....so I'm forced to look like a chipmunk. *sigh*

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  • 1 month later...

I will post some of these whenever I think about it. I just found a notebook that is at least 4 years old I think. I had it senior year in high school, so this is when I was still in a band. I wrote a lot of my songs in it -- they're really short. Usually only 12 or so lines.


You've built these walls for so long

How could you ever claim to be strong

Bite your tongue, decorate, and call it common sense

You've been drained of everything maintaining this pretense


There are so many things I'd like to say to you

But I can't climb over to communicate

Drunk on what you say you'll do

And nothing seems to translate



I can't stand your body shaking

Dress and we'll begin

Everything seemed for the taking

When you called me friend




If I remember right the 2x's mean go through that section twice (obv) but it also signifies a breakdown, too. That'd make sense. Idk why I don't remember this one that well, or when/why I wrote it. Oh well.

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