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hi there,

i'm friends with a girl i've met from university. i've known her for 3 years and lately i've been having feelings of wanting to sleep with her. i do not see her very often as we live in different cities. even during the school year, we don't see each other very often, in fact, it's almost rare that we do. this weekend we're going to meet up and hang out. i started texting her today about doing something, just normal chat, nothing to lead anything on. but what i want to know is, what can i say to kind of drop hints that that's what i want to do. and then what could i suggest to her we do on the weekend that could possibly ultimately lead to sleeping with her. i don't want to come out and just say let's do it, so what are some things i could say to lead to it and how i should act.


ps. i know people may say not to sleep with a friend, but i'm not too worried about it affecting the friendship


thank you for any potential advice

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So basically you only want to have sex with her but you don't want to be in a relationship with her. She may actually like you in a dating sort of way and could either feel very offended that you just see her as a quick lay...or she could hope that over time if she sleeps with you enough times it might turn into a relationship. Even if she is okay with the "wham bam thank you ma'am" scenario, over time she could want more and if you are not interested in her at all except to bed her, then the friendship could end up getting ruined.

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This is going to sound crass but it has always worked for me. If you can get her (texting) on the subject of sexual topics and then eventually get her to tell you what makes her toe curling wild then you are pretty much on the right path. I have an actual rule of thumb on this matter... if you can get her to type the word come but in the alternate spelling in a text, you are at the door. That is a rule that has never failed in my life. I have told my friends about it, and it has proven to be true.


NOW, on the non-crass side. Brutha, you better be ready to do one of two things with this girl... either you are her friend, or you are her boyfriend. There is no in between... ever. If you play the "friend" card and then have relations with her, you are doomed to eventually losing her completely as a friend and a girlfriend. It just won't work. Also, if you truly value the friendship you won't ever step into the realm of sex with her or even suggest, talk or hint about it. I learned a looooooong time ago... you either get with them as in a relationship, or you are just a good friend. No in between. It'll never work. Trust me, I learned this the hard way and I have seen friends learn it the hard way several times.

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