SicFounder Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Well, this is like chapter 3 in my journey to ask this girl out. And it looks like this is the final chapter with a not-so-happy ending. I'll start from the beginning so hopefully there's no questions. When I started working at my new job back in April, I started going to Subway every day. There is this cute girl that works there and at first she was just an employee. About 2 months in she started talking to me more and more and dropped this compliments that seemed like she was interested in me. I never responded to them. But when I started actually looking forward to going to lunch when I was at work to see HER, I knew I had to ask her out. But I wasn't too sure how to go about doing so. When I finally decided I was going to do it, about a month after I wanted to, she told me she had a boyfriend that same day before I could even ask if she wanted to do something. I thought maybe since I was dragging my feet, she lost interest. Now, here's the newest development. Today, I went to get my lunch as usual and thought for sure she was not working. She was. So when she rang up my order she asked if I was doing anything, I told her I wasn't doing anything tonight and she said she had nothing to do either. So I asked if she wanted to do something. I know she has a boyfriend, but I thought I could at least spend an afternoon with her to get to know her. So she gave me her number and told me to text her when I could. I did so after work and she never replied for hours... Finally, I decided to ask her if she had decided about tonight. She said she made other plans with her roommate and boyfriend. She invited me out, but it's obvious why I declined. She was quick on this and asked if I declined because she had a boyfriend. I came clean and told her Yes, that's why. And she asked why that matters. I told her, in somewhat of a riddle. "Do you really think I go to Subway everyday to buy a $10 sandwich when I get free food at work?" She apologized and I told her don't apologize, I was rolling the dice when I asked. Then after she asked, I explained the situation, why I asked. I told her to have fun and I'd see her tomorrow. She quickly replied. "Well come out anyways, at least until Matt (boyfriend) gets here." I still said no. Cause I know how I would feel if I found out my girlfriend was hanging out with a guy she knows likes her. It's just not fair to him. I asked why she still wanted me to come out even after I confessed and she said she thinks I'm a chill guy and she'd like to be friends with me. So, that's it. I was wrong the whole time. I over-thought her actions and words and thought she was interested in me. So, she just wants to be friends. Which it may sound shallow or whatever, but that's not what I want. I like her, the last thing I could be is friends. But, what caught my attention is that she still wanted me to come hang out with her even after I told her how I feel about her. So another thought occurred, that MAYBE, but HIGHLY unlikely, she likes me and might be playing some sort of mind game, whether she knows it or not. I'm just not sure. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I think she's now playing crazy games with you, Sic. I'm still not convinced she has a BF. If she does, then she's not the girl for you (or anyone), as I think it's highly inappropriate to start making new male friends when you start dating someone. I can't believe she told you to come hang out until her BF shows up. Egads. She also seemed a little too into making you confess your feelings, just to smack you back down for it. I do think she likes you, but I'm not convinced how honest she is about this BF, and I do think she's enjoying the crush and the game. Either way, I'd stop going into Subway. Link to comment
blackhawks1287 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 My take on this is that she does like you, and having a boyfriend for a week probably doesn't mean anything in her mind. I am glad that it does in yours. She is not really playing a mind game, she knows you like her, has a boyfriend, and still wanted you to hang out. It's not clear what she wants out of you, but she wanted you to hang out and that in and of itself is not a mind game because what she wanted was clear. Her intentions of why is the riddle and who knows...she may still be playing out her options...maybe she got this mysterious boyfriend suddenly to make you jealous and make a move? I would just tell her next time you go to Subway for a final sub and say "Thanks for the offer to hang out the other night, I do like you, but I don't plan on sticking around to be friends while you have a boyfriend. If that changes let me know, you have my number." Just to leave that window open ya know? Besides, not having her as a friend will not affect your life that much anyway and I am sure you would like to save the money rather than spend it on a sub. Link to comment
SicFounder Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 I'm really confused... I accidentally texted to her "Why do you not want to work?" I meant to send that in reply to my coworker who is trying to get out of working because she's "sick". Very convenient excuse on 4th of July. So she asked "Are you working??" I told her no, that was meant for my coworker, just ignore it. But I guess she couldn't. Eventually I told her my coworker is trying to get out of work so I may have to go back in tonight if she gets "sick". Then she said "OH, well I'll visit you if you do have to work again." Which really confuses me. If she does come in and if I have to work and she brings her boyfriend, that will be very uncomfortable and I can't leave cause I'll be working alone so I have to be at the front desk until my relief comes in. And I can't kick them off the property unless they're disturbing the guests. I just told her, I'll let you know if I have to work then. I'm pretty god damn confused about this whole thing. She's sending me mixed signals of every variety. I also know that if she does come in, she will bring her boyfriend after what I said about being in his shoes, so to speak. I'm obviously not enjoying this at all. Link to comment
Keyman Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Facts... -You don't know how long she has been with Matt. It could be long term. -Girls in relationships can often be more openly friendly to guys that seem 'chill' and friendly, because they have someone so don't worry about being pursued. -Men can misread this friendliness for more and assume they are playing games when really the are just being friendly. I don't think she is playing games with you. She has been honest and told you she has a boyfriend. She has told you why she wants to hang out with you. She seems like she'd like to get to know you as a friend, but understands that you are uncomfortable because she has a boyfriend and didn't want you to feel more uncomfortable so invited you to hang out before he arrived. This doesn't mean she wants anything or is playing with you, just being friendly. People are free to make whatever friends they want to, whether they are in a relationship or no, be it with males or females or camels or whatever. Old people, young people, trees etc. I used to go to the same burger place every week and there was always this girl behind the counter that seemed like she would flirt with me, give me discounts, chat and even greet me accross the restaurant. I thought she liked me for more until I missed a few weeks and next time I saw her she was pregnant and introducing me to her husband who had been working with her the whole time. Girls in relationships see friendly/genuine guys for what they are are can more easily communicate with them because they don't feel that tension girls feel when they are single. If you don't want to be friends with her and that's fine, then stop going for lunch until you can at least let it go and just be friends. Link to comment
DanDee Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I'm a bit confused as to what she's after tbh... she knows you fancy her, she knows you know she has a bf and now she's trying to hang out with you as a friend? You don't force friendship with a guy who fancies you, it isn't fair on them. I get the impression she wants to hang around you because either she likes the attention or she's trying to figure out who she likes more. I think you should do what blackhawks suggested. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I say call her out on it..kinda. Let her know you're indeed working but have no interest in being friends since she has a boyfriend so don't bother visiting you. See what happens. If she comes, then you've called her out on a bluff. If she doesn't, be on your merry way. Link to comment
SicFounder Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Someone else covered for my coworker. So I texted her that I wasn't going in. She texted me back asking me to come see the fireworks with her. I, again, declined and said you three have fun, I have work at 6 anyways. She told me that it was just her and her boyfriend, plus others... -_- Is she even reading my texts completely? I'm gonna do what MakeItCount suggested - call her out on it. I'm going to tell, probably tomorrow, that I'm only interested in being more than friends and have no intentions or interests of simply being a friend. If she tells me she just wants to be friends and does not see us together at any time in the future (or something like that) then I'm going to do what blackhawks said and just drop it all and eat at work from then on. I'll let her know she has my number still if anything ever changes she can get a hold of me. I won't be losing anything so, all in all, it's not that big of a deal. Link to comment
Yaz Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 She's a flirt, loves the attention - games. Back away - not today, disco lady. Sorry, man. Even if she likes you, she is taken and needs to dump her boyf without your influence. Otherwise she'll just end up dumping you for another guy who buys lots of sandwiches... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I'm with Keyman. People in relationships want and make friends too. She told you explicitly she wanted to be friends. I don't see the mixed messages. Link to comment
Yaz Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I'm with Keyman. People in relationships want and make friends too. She told you explicitly she wanted to be friends. I don't see the mixed messages. I do. You're friends with the couple, not an individual from the already established couple. Otherwise it leads to the emotional affairs that are so common on these boards. Stay away from her. She's just trouble, plain and simple. And from the sounds of it, she wants to make trouble because she likes drama. Link to comment
piruru Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 She's a flirt, loves the attention - games. Back away - not today, disco lady. Sorry, man. Even if she likes you, she is taken and needs to dump her boyf without your influence. Otherwise she'll just end up dumping you for another guy who buys lots of sandwiches... I do. You're friends with the couple, not an individual from the already established couple. Otherwise it leads to the emotional affairs that are so common on these boards. Stay away from her. She's just trouble, plain and simple. And from the sounds of it, she wants to make trouble because she likes drama. Completely agree with Yaz here. I think this girl is messing with you because she likes the attention that you give her. She gets a kick out of stringing you along. She probably has problems with her boyfriend of some description. Or low self esteem and needs guys hanging over her to make her feel "wanted." If she legitimately just wanted to be friends with you, you would have no doubt in your mind that she was looking for friendship and nothing else. The fact that she knows you like her and yet still wants you to hang out together with her boyfriend, something that she should understand would make you quite uncomfortable given your feelings for her, does not sound good. I think she's bad news. My advice? Stay away. Link to comment
TheDMan05 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I'd stay clear of her if I were you. It's possible she wants to make her boyfriend jealous for some reason, in which case sending her a message saying you want to be more than friends might lead to you having a visit from her boyfriend. Link to comment
SicFounder Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 I went in to Subway for lunch and before I did, she texted me asking if I was coming in, I said maybe, and she said she was looking forward to it. I did go and when I got there, she didn't even look at me the whole time, never said one word. So, I'm doing what you've all pretty much said. I'm gonna stay away from her. I deleted her from my phone and I'm not going to that Subway anymore. Good thing there's 3 others in town. I'm not even going to say anything to her and will be ignoring any and all texts she sends, if she sends any. I still feel like crap that I was so wrong about this. But I'll get over it. Thanks, all. Link to comment
Yaz Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I went in to Subway for lunch and before I did, she texted me asking if I was coming in, I said maybe, and she said she was looking forward to it. I did go and when I got there, she didn't even look at me the whole time, never said one word. So, I'm doing what you've all pretty much said. I'm gonna stay away from her. I deleted her from my phone and I'm not going to that Subway anymore. Good thing there's 3 others in town. I'm not even going to say anything to her and will be ignoring any and all texts she sends, if she sends any. I still feel like crap that I was so wrong about this. But I'll get over it. Thanks, all. Yeap! No contact for life. Well done! You kept your head high. Only good things can come of this Link to comment
Goncas Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Stay away from her. She's just trouble, plain and simple. And from the sounds of it, she wants to make trouble because she likes drama. Run for the Hills! There is on thing clear here...she is a player! Link to comment
SicFounder Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 I got a text from her late last night, since I deleted her from my phone, I forgot it was her, so I read it. "Sorry I was quiet when you came in today. We were really busy." When I was there, it might as well have been a ghost town. There's about 6 people in there eating and only one person ahead of me ordering. I didn't reply, but I'm gonna remember the area code so I know which to delete on sight. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I got a text from her late last night, since I deleted her from my phone, I forgot it was her, so I read it. "Sorry I was quiet when you came in today. We were really busy." When I was there, it might as well have been a ghost town. There's about 6 people in there eating and only one person ahead of me ordering. I didn't reply, but I'm gonna remember the area code so I know which to delete on sight. Maybe I'm just feeling like a * * * * right now, but I think you should play games right back for fun. Keep replying and see what happens.You have nothing in vested in this, what's the worse that's going to happen? Guy comes in your work and threatens you? Protection order Lots of people will disagree. I just don't like girls like this that screw around. Link to comment
Goncas Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Maybe I'm just feeling like a * * * * right now, but I think you should play games right back for fun. Keep replying and see what happens.You have nothing in vested in this, what's the worse that's going to happen? Guy comes in your work and threatens you? Protection order Lots of people will disagree. I just don't like girls like this that screw around. You do have a point, if you are able to just put your feelings aside, play with her aswell... she will get confused and maybe it will pay off in the end ( and we both know what "pay off" means ) kiddin kiddin But be sure to know thats she is a player, plain and simple! Link to comment
SicFounder Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 I'm afraid that if I play games back at her, she could come to where I work and make a scene if she happens to be that type. The last thing I want is drama. Which is why I don't want to talk to her since she knows I like her and she's taken. It's just gonna cause trouble. Good news though. She hasn't texted me again. Bad news. An ex got my number and started texting me this morning. -_- Link to comment
SicFounder Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 Should I just go ahead and block her? I was at work for a few hours moving TV's and she sent me a few texts. Saying she had to work til 6 and was hungry. I'm not even replying to her but she keeps sending them. I thought by now she'd have gotten the message. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Yeah. You'll learn her! More positivity from you, how refreshing! It's for fun. He's got nothing invested, so why not? If he doesn't want to, he won't. If he does, no harm. Big whoop. Link to comment
DanDee Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Life's too short for games. In fact, it's cool that he's just stopped the game she was playing in it's tracks. But yeah, as soon as you get even a sniff of a crazy girl... block, defriend or delete. Link to comment
SicFounder Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 Well, I can't block her cause I keep deleting the thread of texts she sends so I no longer have her phone number. Now I gotta wait for her to text me again so I can get the number and call Sprint to get it blocked. Link to comment
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