Am I being too insecure or am I just not ready for committment?

[iamminzy]

I met this guy online and we hit it off pretty well since Jan. I mean our first date lasted from 1-midnight. We went to lunch, movies, and mall and dinner, and he took me to one of the peaks where couples usually go and tourists attractions. We both even took a picture together which I thought was awkward on a first date, but I think we both had a really good time. Then we continued to go out almost every week. I don't have a driver license yet, but he didn't seemed to mind as long as we were having a good time. We chatted online frequently and I already met his friends but not his parents yet.

 

However, I am very insecure and it makes me hard to trust guys. I guess I watch to much Asian dramas about guys cheating on you and being a player, etc... He also told me when I am not around him, he would miss his ex. He said that he misses me when I am not around. While he was dating me he was dating other girls, but he told me that he was his favorite and that I was on the top of the list? So if he finds a girl better than me, then he would dump me? He's very honest and upfront about who he dates though and that's why I been dating him for about 4-5 months. He asked me to be his girlfriend in in Feb/march and I told him I wasn't ready cuz I just gotten out of a relationship, but it was really cuz I don't know if I trust him since I met him online and he lives 50 mins away from me that he could be doing anything during the week and I wouldn't even know. But never mind that, we told each other that we will become a couple after he gets back from Hawaii.

 

Then he kept asking me if my parents would let me move in with him and whether I want children in the future because his relationship with his ex failed since she didn't want children, so I guess he worried and insecured that I don't want children in the future. I called it off though because I was just so insecure and scared of the idea of moving in with him like what would happened?

 

So I thought it was over between us, but he continues to chase after me after we ended it. He came to my house just to give ma present he got from Hawaii and I was shocked to see him there. I was speechless and nervous cuz he just came to my house all a sudden. Anyways few weeks later, he told me he was going to the acquarium with his friends and I said I like the acquarium and so I went with them and we kissed in the car, but I don't know... Sometimes I have no feelings for him, and sometimes I do. It's like its on and off cuz he gives me this feeling.

 

Now he is dating a girl and I did get jealous because he said she was really fun and he had one of the best dates ever. So I just said ok... Then later on, he asked if I wanted to go on a trip with his friends and I said I want to go river rafting. But he said, I can only go if there was room in his friends car. Though he told me he had a good time with her and one of the best dates, he keeps coming back to me and he also told me he liked me the most. he was also pretty caring when I told him that someone idiot step on my foot and bruised it and he kept asking me if my ankle is feeling better.

 

We used to make out all the time and I sort of think he just want to get laid? We mostly make out in the car since his house is too far from mines, but it makes me wonder is that all he wants because a few times he told me that he is horny and that he wanted to make out with me, but he said he didn't call me out cuz he thought that would be strange and that will frighten me that he is that kind of kind I guess.

 

How can i stop myself from being so insecure and pessimistic and worry about everything?....