JDMxTeGrA101 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Ok its been 2 long weeks for me because I'm usually busy at work around the holidays working 6 days a week (12) hour days. I was off yesterday and my gf planned a double date with her friend and her friend's bf to see a movie and have dinner. I didn't talk much the whole night and I fell asleep half of the movie because of my long shift. That part got her irritated but I paid for the whole tab for dinner. She told me this when I was dropping her off home that it irritated her and told her I am sorry I didn't speak much and fell asleep. Last week was the same thing but with her family and that was because I slept only 3 hours the night before and worked a 12 hour shift. I didn't want to cancel our plans so I still went with them to watch the movie and have dinner. She wasn't really bothered that night but she told me how irritated she was today because of what happened last night. She no longer wants to plan stuff and she told me how she feels like she should stop putting me a big priority in her life but I told her she's a big priority to me and she complained about how I stopped making plans after I went on a trip with her which was a month ago. I feel so bad and had tears coming down after I dropped her off and she did too. She said she wished I would make plans with other people but she doesn't like my friends. I used to be the main planner but we always do the same thing which is shopping, dining somewhere, and movies. How would you ladies feel if you were in her situation? I need to make this up to her and don't know what I can do to make it up to her. It sucks because I turned down my friends most of the time on the weekends to be with her and she doesn't realize it. She has more free time then I do so she tends to go out with her friends on the weekdays while she has me the whole weekend. Link to comment
Kalika Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I think she needs to realize that you work hard and are not always going to be up for things like that. If she's not very sympathetic towards you, then I am not very sympathetic towards her. Link to comment
blackhawks1287 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Don't make anything up to her. She is not accepting your effort of sleeping less, working hard, and still making time for her. She is being needy and demanding and seems like she is trying to guilt trip you into doing more. Plan things that you want to do, with her, and sole her. Stop spending so much time around her friends and family and spend more nights out alone. Be creative, but don't bust the wallet or your current lifestyle (sleeping, work, whatever else) If she is unhappy with the effort your putting forth, how you treat her, then clearly she can't accept who you are and the effort your putting forth or it is not good enough for her standards or needs. Link to comment
JDMxTeGrA101 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Thanks for the replies guys. What would be the best way to handle this? I'm just hoping she'll get over it but I'm sure she is having a good july 4th with her family and so am I. Should I contact her today or just wait for her to cool down and contact her? I know some girls want a guy to chase after them after an argument and some just love to be left alone. Thinking of just texting her later rather than calling her. Link to comment
DN Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 She's a brat and needs to spend some time sulking before she realises that stamping her little feet and holding her breath until she turns blue in the face isn't going to get her what she wants. Don't contact her. Link to comment
JDMxTeGrA101 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Don't make anything up to her. She is not accepting your effort of sleeping less, working hard, and still making time for her. She is being needy and demanding and seems like she is trying to guilt trip you into doing more. Plan things that you want to do, with her, and sole her. Stop spending so much time around her friends and family and spend more nights out alone. Be creative, but don't bust the wallet or your current lifestyle (sleeping, work, whatever else) If she is unhappy with the effort your putting forth, how you treat her, then clearly she can't accept who you are and the effort your putting forth or it is not good enough for her standards or needs. We usually spend our nights together just me and her but the past 2 weeks was with her family/her friends. TO DN: Nice reply DN. Yeah I hope she realizes what I went through these past 2 weeks of work but its the end of my hectic work schedule and back to 40 hours a week. Link to comment
Tresha Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 So, all this drama is over two weeks? She can't understand overtime for 2 weeks? If you worked in a plant, turnarounds are 12-hour shifts, 7 days a week until the plant is up and running again (around 4 to 8 weeks, depending how many additional problems found). There are many many times in our lives that we will not get all the attention we crave. What happens when you have children and she feels your attentions divided? What if you ever have to care for an ill parent? I would sit down and talk with her. I would calmly explain that 2 weeks is not long, you did the best you could (trying to make her happy on 3 hours sleep) and failed. Next time, you'll just get the sleep you need in order to function healthily and she can go to dinner and a movie with her folks. My husband does not attend every thing I do with my parents, nor do they expect him to. Certainly, if I said, "B just got off work 4 hours ago and is asleep so can't make it," any of my loved ones would understand. If they give the least little damn about him at all, they would be happy that he's getting needed sleep and not offended at missing one or two outings. Your gf needs to be welcomed to the world of grownups. Life happens and we all have to go through times when we don't get everything we want so that someone we love can get what they need. Link to comment
JDMxTeGrA101 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Yup over the 2 weeks then she brought up the past when I fell asleep on her again but that was from lack of sleep on a weekend. I have early shifts and start at 5am. I remember her telling me it made her look bad that I wasn't talkative/fell asleep. Link to comment
Tresha Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 She's being unreasonable. I would explain how humans require a certain amount of sleep per night in order to function. Maybe she really is not aware. If she's already aware, ask her specifically what she would like for you to do about your need for sleep. Would she like you to start taking speed perhaps? Quit your job maybe? I'm enough of a sarcastic ass to play the straight man and make this a serious discussion about how to stay awake for her, despite your being just a human being. If she doesn't get it, move on. You wont ever be able to please someone who reacts solely on how she feels when X. There has to be some logic and rationale. Link to comment
JDMxTeGrA101 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 So I got a text msg from her earlier saying Thanks for ignoring me all day and call me so we can talk. First of all I never said I was going to call her but I ended up calling her after I got her text message. Then she kept talking about the bad stuff I've done and how much she has done for me which is "alot". She said I'm no longer the sweet guy I used to be, never plan anything, don't really care about the relationship anymore, and wished I showed more affection towards her. She started using talking about how I have the energy to have s*ex with her before we sleep but have no energy for going out with her/her friends. She told me she expects too little from me and does alot for me but at the same time she doesn't realize the sacrifice I make for her. I don't get what she means by I could be alot sweeter? She won't tell me what she wants and expects me to figure out how to be sweeter to her which makes me mad. Last 3 weeks she was happy that I surprised her with a new pair for sunglasses I got on sale and told the whole world how happy I make her etc.. She asked me what I wanted to do with our relationship and I told her I want to make it up to her and she said she doesn't know if she wants to be in the relationship anymore and so I told her I want to be with her but if she doesn't feel the same way then just break it off with me. Then she got mad and said I make it so easy to just break it off with her and seem to not care about her decision. She's really driving me crazy at the moment and I'm going to her tomorrow. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Sorry if I missed it, how long have you been dating? She sounds immature abd just stomps her feet as previously stated..wahh wahh you don't pay attention to me for 2 weeks because you have to work so now I'm going to pout, threaten to break it off, and get my panties in a bunch when my bluff gets called. She sounds selfish..I'd say good riddance of she doesn't get it Link to comment
DN Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 You should have told her that she is behaving like a spoiled brat, that she is being entirely selfish in not understanding how tired you are and if she wants to leave the relationship that's just fine with you but if she wants to stay with you she needs to adjust her attitude and be less high-maintenance. never be a doormat for selfish people. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 She sounds like a winner. Next! Link to comment
xiRoCb294 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 She sounds really selfish... you've been working a lot of hours lately, and as a girlfriend, she should be proud and supportive of you during this stressful time. She should not be adding more stress onto your shoulders. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I noticed she complained that you have energy for sex but aren't affectionate. Is that true generally? Link to comment
JDMxTeGrA101 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 I am affectionate but yes I had energy to have sex with her that night Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I am affectionate but yes I had energy to have sex with her that night I can see how she might wonder why you are energetic in some ways but not in others. Link to comment
Heavy Heart Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 She's being absolutely ridiculous, in my opinion. I'd hope that she realizes how hard you work and that you falling asleep is not your way of being a jerk, but is you simply being human and needing your rest. I agree completely with what's been previously said about her thinking she can just pout whenever she doesn't get her way. That's now how things work. Sacrifices need to be made. She needs to get over herself. I don't feel as though you are in the wrong with this one, but that is my opinion. I hope things get better -- whether that's by working things out with her or by moving on from the relationship. With whatever you do, do what's in your best interest and what you feel is the best choice. Good luck! Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I would be livid if my SO gave me crap about wanting to hang out with his friends after I'm pulling 12 hour days 6 days a week for 2 weeks. I know when I used to work a lot of OT to catch up on a project all I wanted to do was veg out at home. She's lucky she got you out and about in the first place. You have nothing to feel badly over. Link to comment
Angel Irulan Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Is she used to you having more energy to play with her and her friends? And what is wrong with your friends? Are they mean to her? Does she *get* that they don't like her when she looks into their eyes? Okay so maybe that was an asinine question: but that's what it would take for me to refuse to be social with my bf's other friends. And even then I would still try. I think it's time for you to have a conversation with her about her rigid expectations. Then if you're still together, and she still doesn't get it: try having rigid expectations of your own. This is not actually childish: sometimes you have to clobber people over the head with what they've given you for them to have an aha experience! Angel Link to comment
TomboyMS Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 When I read this I thought of you: link removed Link to comment
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