Wanting to trust again

[dudette]

I recently posted about my boyfriend of 3 years cheating on me and the relationship ending. He had cheated on me a year ago but made up a great excuse and promise it would never happen again- for the next year we were together the trust was never really there, I was always really cautious. And thank goodness, because it happened again, and now we're completely done.

 

But in moving on, I've met another great guy, who I really like but I'm constantly thinking it won't work, he won't ever talk to me again. We both just got out of long, bad relationships, so we're both feeling a little fragile. I'm going out of the country for the next month (it'll be nice to clear my head some), but I'm worried about trusting him to still care about me when we get back. We have both been a little hesitant and I'm only gonna have email while we're apart. Any suggestions for worrying less about trusting him? And any suggestions about keeping in touch while we're apart?

[vinylskirt]

i'd say the best idea (in my opinion) would be to amicably split while you're away. that way you couldn't hold him responsible for anything he does, and he couldn't hold you responsible for anything you do, and you have the option of getting back together once you're home with the ability to share anything that happened without fear of consequence. and if he does still want you, it'll be with the purest intentions. as ideal a scenario as this would be, since you do think he's a great guy and i assume you like him too much to let go of him even for a month, the next best thing to do would be attempting to be as open with him about your feelings and fears as possible. let him know you're trying to do what's best for both of you, and that you want nothing more than to trust him during this time that you're away, but that you also understand that you've known people who have made mistakes in the past and that you need to go on this trip completely worry free with some promise that he'll be there once you are home, if you can be comforted by his words alone. he'll know what steps he'd prefer to take to ensure your comfort. e-mailing at least three times a week whether you split or not will show him you still care and are invested in returning to him, but i'd think calling would be the best way to know how he feels at all times (if you can call). you'd be better able to judge the state of things by the sound of his voice.

 

honestly, a month isn't a very long time and if he wouldn't be around for you when you got back, you absolutely know you'd be better off. you have to keep that in mind no matter what, because like your last relationship - things worked out a certain way whether you wanted them to or not...no matter how much you tried to control it. consider that.