delicous Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 So alot has happened, I was in a loving relationship for 2.5 years and one day he breaks up with me, tells me hed like to keep things civil, it didn't work and we had to go complete no contact, i texted him and emailed him atleast 3x to 4x a week, one day he emailed me back about 4.5 months later saying he would like me to not contact him anymore, hes getting married and having a baby. I have been dealing with this rejection since July sooo its been hard. I tried to contact him recently , needed advice, he called me and told me we can't be friends. Thats it, he sounded very angry and hung up on me. I havn't heard from him since. Anyways, This is about him but its also about the man I fell in love with after him and I ended things. I had an affair for the first time ever in my life. He ended up making his girlfriend move out and we started dating officically, things just weren't working many many times. I found things in his room like empty condom wrapper, girls thong...Ive seen stuff in his bathroom...The way his pillows were positionedin front of his sofa, it was clear he was cheating but I still gave him chance after chance and "I" kept asking him back even though I knew it was self degrading. We started seeing eachother 1.5 to 2 mnths after my breakup and just broke up again recently...I broke up with him and he never contacted me back and its been 3days now. Nothing..No call or text, he has decided to ignore me...So I am trying my best to do the same. I already tried no contact and thought it worked...I waited 3wks and the 3rd day of those 3 wks in, he tried contacting me and I finally gave in and got back together with him...I tried my best to refraine from sex with him but it happened anyways..and We carried on for another 3wks...We are at the end, I told him I will not want to be friends or talk again if it doesn't work out. He is the one who screwed up, he basically chose her over me without saying... This is my No contact journal....Please any advise would be appriciated...I am going to write on this forum about lifes's updates and if he attempts to talk to me... Link to comment
delicous Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 He texted me back today...He told me he owes me a response...and told me I told him to die in a car accident and he told me i told him he is a piece of "s*it*** like 5x...He told me hed always wish life on me not death no matter what...But he didn't say the words he forgives me, but I think he does because..hes calling me darling now and telling me im beautiful in the pics I sent him.... Link to comment
delicous Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 I know its a good idea to remaine distant but its so hard to when all i can think about when i go to bed is HIM and all I can do when I wake up is think of HIM...So waking up to his txt at 5am in the morning, set me off in the right direction, im feeling cheerful, which is something only he can cause...There is another man who is into me who I have been with before who knows of my situation and is patiently waiting for me to be ready to start dating him but I have made it pretty clear to him that I am not quite ready...When I can only think of HIM...Its sickening I know, but its true...I don't think he slept with his ex again but I don't know which is what kills me and kills our relationship. things are so complicated, I just want everything to be normal... Maybe if we stay friends and just friends, maybe a few months down the road we can try again...I don't know...He is 28 yrs old, who am I kidding? He is already stuck in his own ways. I did not like the fact that I had to wait hours to get a response back from him and the fact that he didn't call enough or have long meaningful conversations with me, yet I am STILLLLLL wanting him back again? My friend told me she thinks Im not in love with him but that I think of him as a security blanket, but security blankets have lots of money and since of direction, he has neither. He is pretty broke and doesnt even have his drivers liscense anymore...so confused, but I don't know is confused is the right word, maybe the right word is DOOOOOOOOOOR MATTT! Link to comment
tresqua Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 He texted me back today...He told me he owes me a response...and told me I told him to die in a car accident and he told me i told him he is a piece of "s*it*** These back and forth exchanges are pointless. Let it go, let HIM go. Realize that you have a problem in this area given the history with the first guy and deal with it. Sure he's a loser but many of these problems can be found in the nearest mirror. Link to comment
delicous Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 Thanks so it sounds to me like ur calling me a loser...So your advise is not really wanted if your going to tell me to look in the mirror...I know who I am and what I am not... This guy I have been posting about First Love is someone I will NEVER forget about but have chosen to back off and let him live his life which is what he wants....2nd guy who I thought I was starting to love is who this journal is about..why don't you try "Letting HIM go" or HER, Go...Its not that easy when you have so many times together and emotions.....I am a female and I am only 23 and I have realized I have a lot of growing up to do still, but hope to one day get a man who is worth settling down with. This guy doesn't obviously want to settle down, so all I am saying is.....I am going to want to be with him in the future if he IS ready...All these times before were hit and miss because he isn't ready and I obviously am not either... Still care about both men who have broken my heart...The first one is history...---we are done, never talking again--- The 2nd one...He is still choosing to let me in his life and vice versa... Link to comment
tresqua Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 So your advise is not really wanted if your going to tell me to look in the mirror...I know who I am and what I am not... Ok, so you want advice as long as it has nothing at all to do with looking at yourself to blame for some of the bad relationships you find yourself in. Is that about right? I don't think you, or me, or most anyone else knows who they really are, although as we get older and more experienced we usually figure out most of it, or at least "enough" to gain some degree of happiness and success in our lives. Link to comment
hausser Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 These back and forth exchanges are pointless. Let it go, let HIM go. Agreed with tresqua. They just set you back, delete, change number and go NC. Link to comment
delicous Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 can't delete him...He has my things still, and thats all...Later on, maybe we will have something happy to speak about, but right now....he is being weird and he says one thing and does something else...He kleeps saying he still wants me, he also says he knows and has known for a while that he has to hurt one of us... and its not fair to me....I basically told him, I feel like I was pushed into a corner and forced to break up with him and end it even though I did not want to. He didn't respond back much about half the things I told him....Im going out of town and he wants to talk to me "after" i get back but he will not tell me why "after" and not before....Uh Im stuck with stressed out, resentful feelings towards him...He told me he doesnt want me to hate him or have bad feelings towards him but he really isn't helping much by not talking to me prior....Its stupid...Childish and immature....I told him , I think he is not ready for a adult relationship, and told him i think he has committement/intimancy issues...I also told him that I want a man who needs me and doesn't just want me...he tells me he wants me and that just isn't enough ..... Im so mixed up and hurt and just want to be happy, but letting go of him is not whats making me happy....Talking with him and being with him is what makes me happy....Im so down and out right now!!! agggr... Link to comment
delicous Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 I NEVER was able to do it...All I can do as far as this goes is not "always" answer my phn and take a while to txt back..Dropping him all together is just out of the question..=( Im afraid Ill lose him if I do it... Link to comment
Snuggly Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Dropping him all together is just out of the question..=( Im afraid Ill lose him if I do it... You kinda lost him when he started cheating on you. It really hurts, no doubt. But he cheated on his gf to be with you and then cheated on you. My husband was a cheater too, still asks me to send photos (pref nude) and tells me I'm the hottest thing he has ever seen. And wants sex constantly. While he is with someone else. It doesn't mean they love you, only that they like lots of women. Just stay strong, I'm sure you can do better. Link to comment
Hellhath Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 My exgf would say a lot of things, made a lot of promises to me. Both when we were together and after she left. She would call me (drunk usually) and promise that once she got her head on straight, got through school, and was a good 'match' for me then we would get back together. Know what? Words do not make reality, actions do. Wants do not dictate reality either.... choices do. It is about respecting your own needs for love and respect. It took me years to understand that I was dating the same type of woman, the same girl who needed to be "saved"; even once I understood that and why it still took me time and work to improve myself where I could graduate to a whole new level of choices (and mistakes). It took me a divorce and at least 2 really bad relationships for me to understand that beating my head against the same brick wall only harder is not the same as learning. Please, be compassionate to yourself. Go NC and figure out what is common in all these relationships. Link to comment
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