Dealing with confidence issues

[Lifelesson]

I am really struggling mentally trying to sort things out right now. I'm 24 and have only had one girlfriend that lasted 3 months. It would have gone a lot longer but I moved cross country for a job I thought I wanted and broke up with her. Turned out the job experience was miserable and I'm returning to grad school this fall in a city I've never lived in but closer to my home area. Of course my ex has just moved on now that I'm back in the area, so that was a bummer.

 

What I struggle with is confidence. The only times I've been involved with women is when I've had most of my other life stuff together. Senior year of college when I had a large group of friends, etc. and before this last move. I was kind of the cool guy among my group of friends, had a great job, best living arrangements, etc. I was very confident.

 

I've just now realized I don't know what the hell I want to do with my life. I'm going to grad school but am not positive it's what I want to do. It's an option I want to explore though and it's fully funded by a research assistant position, so I have to take the opportunity. It's only a year and a half.

 

So I'm dealing with the fact that I shouldn't have ended it with that girl, but she's moved on before me. She has had a much more normal relationship experience but was madly attracted to me because of my situation. Now, I need to keep dating so I don't get in more of a rut, but I have absolutely no confidence due to my life upheavals and recent 'failures' and the fact that I'm kind of confused where I'm going in life right now. I'm relationship inexperienced and sexually inexperienced, but maintain good friendships otherwise. I think I may be borderline 'nice guy' A big reason I've been single so much is finding fault in the girls/women that were interested in me. A huge mistake I'm gradually correcting, but my inexperience is playing mind games with my confidence.

[DoGGYtREAts]

It's not uncommon to be uncertain where your future lies at our age (im 22 so im right there with ya). Also Inexperience is nothing to be ashamed of either. You really just have to learn to relax and not Micro-manage and Over-anlyze every single detail. Life is what it is. Things change, Plans change, etc.

 

Your actually in a really good position mate, You're at an age where most of the girls in our age-group are also "finding their way" and unlike someone whose had an upheval later in life (say 30's or 40's).. that perverbial clock on her "remaing time" to settle down and start a family isnt really ticking away too loudly yet, some insitibility and soul searching is actually EXPECTED. Im about to get Married, I have absolutely no idea (or plan) what my life will look like in 3-5 years, And im not to sure she does either. I actually gave up alot of Education/career opportunities Moving to persue this relationship, and shes really the only constant in my life.

[2much2early]

Hey man don't sweat it. You're doing great at your age. Try not to let the inexperience in relationships or sex affect your confidence. If you focus on the right type of girls they won't mind at all. If you're overthinking things and believe they might be thinking about it, just think to yourself that you've focused on other priorities over the past couple of years. That's totally understandable and what you really should be doing with you life at this age. Try to hit the gym and tackle some new things in yourlife to build up some confidence. And stop passing on girls for small things for the wrong reasons. I used to do that too and realized I don't need to want to sleep with every girl to hang out and have fun. Just because I"m not sexually attracted to them doesn't mean I can't be friends. Who knows, you might hang out and have fun and change your mind. Plus it gives you experience hanging out with girls and flirting. You need to take the edge off the whole experience. Girls are just girls. They're people too. But your lack of experience being around them is creating the pressure.

 

Good luck.

[Ginger1]

Well I'm a girl...22...in a similar situation. I moved to a completely new city where I didn't know anyone- to start grad school. I have no idea what kind of job I will be doing- but I really enjoy the field I am studying. Unlike you I have never been in much of a relationship. However, I have been here almost a year now and I've met some great people and a few promising guys.

Everyone always says relationships happen when you least 'need them'- as in, right now I have everything I need, I'm extremely busy with school and work and other things. Yet now of all times, when I barely have a second to spare, people are popping into my life.

I suppose part of that is due to me being comfortable with what I'm doing- although in the grand scheme of things I have no idea where my life is going

Hang in there- focus on your school/degree and don't worry about getting in a rut.

[Ginger1]

Just because I"m not sexually attracted to them doesn't mean I can't be friends. Who knows, you might hang out and have fun and change your mind. Plus it gives you experience hanging out with girls and flirting. You need to take the edge off the whole experience. Girls are just girls. They're people too. But your lack of experience being around them is creating the pressure.

 

 

ah yes- wanted to highlight this as well. I am currently kind of seeing a guy. He is super nice, funny etc. etc, but I'm honestly not really that attracted to him-he's cute but I don't have dreams or anything about him! haha. But he is great to hang out with and I am willing to go with it because as I get to know him better I might change my mind.