Jealousy and Mistrust...Killers

[mrvaughn]

So me and my gf broke up about 5 weeks ago.

 

We talked last week about getting back together, but we broke up over her mistrust and jealousy/paranoia.

 

At the weekend I was due to go to a friend's stag do. She said that she could never be with someone who went to something like that (because their may be a stripper there). As a gesture of trust I said I would leave before that happened. She was thankful and we decided to get back together

 

Then, after it occurred to me that I hadn't, I told her that I was due to go to Magaluf for a Stag do (My cousins) and again she said she could never be with someone who went to 'Shagaluf' as she calls it because it's all drinking and sex.

 

At that point I decided that we couldn't continue because I feel that she would never trust me no matter what. I can't see many normal gfs asking their bf to not go on a holiday with some cousins. She was alway wary of getting cheated on (her ex did so with her best friend...so u can see how she would be a litte paranoid), but after a year with a person who is clearly trustworthy, you would think that they might start to trust.

 

She was always like that though. For example I moved out into my first flat (partly to give us some time by ourselves) and when I told her I got a place, she seemed dissapointed. As it turned out it was because she was worried I would bring girls back without her knowing.

 

Another problem was that all this talk about cheating/other girls etc, made me wonder if she was worried about that stuff beacuse she knew what SHE was capable of. However I did trust her and don't really think she is the type.

 

She got pregnant & it was mine but she never told me about it till a couple weeks after she got a termination. I feel that this was a very bad decision on her part. She says she didn't want it to end in an argument, and my feelings were that if she was willing to not tell me to avoid an argument, what else would she hide to avoid one too.

 

Anyway, rant almost over...

 

I'm glad she said she couldn't get back together with someone who would go to Magaluf. Proves that she will never trust anyone. If you are going to cheat, you could do it in Magaluf or the car park of a shoping centre because it is not the place, it is the person.

 

And any guy who agreed to bow to that sort of emotional blackmail wouldn't be a worthwhile boyfriend anyway. You need to have a spine.

 

Not to seem like I dislike my ex because she had many good things going for her and was quite sweet, but it's a shame that her past impacted on our relationship so much.

 

Do most agree that I did the right thing. I feel confident I did, but would be nice to hear the opinions of others.

 

Thanks for reading

[charity]

yes, it sad but you did do the right thing. i've spent every relationship in the past being jealous and distrusting. it is not a nice thing to feel and its not a nice thing to dish out on someone you 'love'. my last ex told me in no uncertain term that i had a big insecurity issue and it was all to do with me and nothing to do with him. he said that he would not allow someone to take his freedom away. he was right, all the 'rules' i was laying down were to help my own insecurity, and if someone had put them on me i would have laughed incredulously and not accepted it. by him not accepting my issues it forced me to look hard within. i hope in time your gf will see the bigger picture here.

[Dlar]

I got as far as magaluf...

 

I think the lass I was seeing has drifted away from me since I booked my holiday there.

 

"Why you going to Shaggerscruff? There's load more places to go and you pick there..."

 

Wasn't my choice... I'm just going where the majority wanted to go!

[HE16]

I was like your girlfriend, to a lesser extent though, and I did have some reasoning to be as insecure about our relationship as I was.

 

As sad as it sounds it's the best thing to do. Who knows, maybe she'll thank you in the long run for letting her see her issues.

[LoveHurts89]

I had the same kind of issues, and to be honest, I'd have reacted the same way as her about Magaluf. I'd say 90% of people book to go there to get laid, and with her insecurity issues, I can see how that could have been hard for her. I don't know, I guess I'm just seeing this from her point of view. If you really love this girl, in your position, I'd have been tempted to suggest counselling for her trust issues, which would show her you care, therefore increasing her trust. And it'd help her a lot too. You leaving, or the break up being imminent is almost because of this holiday, therefore making her feel like a holiday is more important to you than her. I know this isn't the case, but again, I'm looking at it from her point of view. This is probably gonna have a huge dent on her self confidence and trust.

[mrvaughn]

If you really love this girl, in your position, I'd have been tempted to suggest counselling for her trust issues, which would show her you care, therefore increasing her trust. And it'd help her a lot too.

 

I did actually suggest this, lol. A few hours before I remembered to tell her about Magaluf. She agreed but I don't think she even wants to change. She says things like:

 

"I don't trust anyone"

 

"I will be this way with everyone"

 

"I don't know any different"

 

I want someone who will trust me, and she never did, so I think I made the right choice, even though it is a shame as HE16 and Charity have said. I'm not devastated which leads me to believe that I was subconsiously prepared for this happening because it seemed like the logical thing to happen...No Trust = No Healthy Relationship.