Why can't I forget about him and move on?

[sunshine83]

I had dumped my boyfriend 2.5 years back (after a 4 year long relationship). But I had told him that I was confused. He later found someone else and dumped me (after 4-5 months). I was devastated.. Slowly and steadily I got over the depression..I am doing quite fine now..but there is a part of me which realizes how badly I have messed up and feels so lonely...He is now married to that girl.. But I am having a hard time finding someone to love again and this is making me think about him and miss him everyday. How should I get over all this?? I am quite fine by myself (I mean..I have worked on myself).. but I don't feel that love/liking for anyone new...and I end up being lonely.. Maybe he was the one.. I feel so upset that I took him for granted and screwed up my life so bad.. How do I stop thinking about him everyday even after so many years? Why is life so unfair? He gets someone so easily and moves on so easily and I am sooo lonely and having a hard time..

Is his new relationship a rebound? Will he ever regret dumping me (he was very much in love with me earlier)? When I had called him after our breakup, he had told me that he likes the new girl.. did he mean it genuinely or was he telling that to show me off, since I had broken up with him first? He blamed me for the whole breakup.. I do agree that i made a mistake.. but then was he trying to get away from the blame because he is also guilty of dumping me when he found greener grass?

I am so confused.. I don't know whether he was the good guy that I lost because of my indecisiveness or an opportunist who left me when he found someone new.. How do I not think about him everyday? Please advise!

[Eocsor]

You dumped him and then 4 - 5 months later he dumped you? I'm confused.

 

Regardless, rebound or not he married the girl so that door is closed. He wasn't "the One" because he married someone else. That implies that the feelings he had for you weren't the feelings you had for him. Besides there is no "one" person for you, there are many.

 

Stop idealising the old relationship. How great could it have been if he left you and married another woman. Time to accept that it's done for good and move on. If you can't, seek professional help. You're wasting your life waiting for something that won't happen.

[Meriem]

^ I agree with Escor, it seems like thinking about him became a habit and specially when it's been long since the relationship you tend to forget the bad parts and idealize the good parts and believe that it was the perfect relationship and he's the one, he's not, there are alot of other people who CAN make you happier if you decided to let go of that illusion of him being the perfect guy for you, you'll only hurt yourself, start listening to your head instead of heart and move towards detoxing yourself from those ideas that he's the only one for you.. Give other people a chance, I mean REALLY give them a chance and don't allow yourself to be stuck in the past

[lavenderdove]

>>Maybe he was the one..

 

No, he wasn't the one... he decided to go with someone else and married her, end of story. The world if full of people who you can be happy with if you quit crying over spilt milk. Life has so many possibilities, and roads taken and not taken, and all we can do is move forward and not back. If you sit at the crossroads and refuse to move on, you will obviously only prolong your misery and not get out and find out all the great things life can offer.

 

What you need to do is to gather up all his things that you might have from the relationship. Old emails and texts? Delete them all, he is someone else's husband. Old clothes or gifts? burn them or give them away because he is someone else's husband. He's not yours anymore, no matter how much you think about him. I don't say that to be cruel, but to put that in perspective. It does you no good to waste time thinking about someone who is long gone. It is like sitting outside a house every day and crying because the owners didn't accept your offer and sold it to someone else. A huge waste of time and very mentally unhealthy for you to obsess about someone who is long gone. He's alive in your mind, but in the real world, he's someone else's husband and you shouldn't be thinking about him at all.

 

So time for some mental housekeeping! Google 'thought stopping' and start practicing it. Wean yourself off thoughts of him, and refuse to let him take up any real estate at all inside your brain. If you can't do it on your own, call a counselor and get some help on letting go.