richyr46 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Hi, Im 26, unemployed and living at home with my parents in Hertfordshire. I have a girlfriend who is 37 and lives in South London. We have been dating for almost 3 years, although we had two gaps, around 2 months each because I ended it. It was always me that went back. We met whilst I was working in London, and I was very happy, we even got engaged after 2 months, after I proposed around Christmas time of 2008. Then reality hit, and did it hard. I started looking for places to move in with her, we found an ok floor in a semi detached house. I even put a deposit down there and then because my mum who was with us was so persuasive. That night I went to stay with my gf. That night I didn't sleep much. I was full of worry. I was worrying about the future. I didn't really want to move in with her in this small place, we massively compromised because she has a small shih tzu, and most places that rent don't allow dogs. I was worrying about how much she was smoking, the weed she was smoking, the age gap, the fact that it all seem so rushed. In the end we didn't move in and I managed to get my deposit back. I put up the excuse that the place didnt seem right. But ever since we have been on and off, and I havnt managed to make that jump of moving in with her. I have it cosy at home, and whilst i am out of a job at the moment, i dont want the added expense of renting. The question is, what do I do, in my heart I love her, but my head just constantly worries about it. She has now stopped smoking weed, but she smokes a bit which I really hate. And she also wants to have a kid soon because of her age, which I am not ready for. We argue occasionally as well, most recent being a concert we went to. I was driving so couldn't drink, and she was a bit drunk and was smoking quite a bit, which was annoying me, when we left, she kept walking in the wrong direction back to the car, and kept insisting, so I grabbed her by the arm quite hard, and she kept walking in the wrong direction, and I had to shout. This is what I am ashamed of; I grabbed her by the throat (not to hard as to injure) but I still had my hand around her, telling her she was going the wrong way, and she was calling me swear words, I let go and she finally went the right way, but I am ashamed as I grabbed her. Iv never done this to any gf before. Its now making me think this relationship is turning sour and I should move on, but I don't feel I have the strength to do so. What do I do?
lukeb Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 You have to piss or get off the pot, the problem is you're leaving all your other options open so you don't have to commit. You've known each other long enough to know what you have with your gf, and for your gf to know what she has with you. She smokes pot, you don't have to like it but it is time to accept it if you are going to be together. There may be things about you she might not like, but this is what you have to work with.
abitbroken Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 It is inexcusable to grab anyone like you did. I suggest getting some help. If you are choking her when you are stone cold sober, what happens when you are drunk? As far as your living situation, no one knows how life will go. But you have to leave the coziness of your mom's house if you are ever to find out. I suggest moving somewhere alone first to sort yourself out. If you are not ready to have kids - you are not ready to have kids. It is your choice to decide to have them because she wants them or leave her and find someone else on your own timeline. But is pot smoking healthy for kids?
dali Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Choking her was a pretty rotten move, dude but I'm sure you don't need to feel any worse about it so i'll leave it at that. It's time to make a decision, either this is the one or it isnt, she is at that age where it's now or never to have a baby. It's hard to settle without a job but you've got get a job and move out, your 26 and need to experience life and become independent. You have been together 3 years so you should know by now how you feel about her. But is pot smoking healthy for kids? drug use has nothing to do with it, unless it's hardcore IV drug use
abitbroken Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 drug use has nothing to do with it, unless it's hardcore IV drug use Yes it does. If someone really wants kids, but expects to puff in a child's face, then it is a problem. Also, someone may like pot but doesn't want their children starting it and doing a 'do as i say,not as i do' doesn't usually fly. A lot of people who are serious about kids try to clean up their life and health - pot, cigarettes, alcohol for the best shot at healthy kids.
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