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A full six months later (after a seven+ year relationship), I hear he's in a relationship with the younger girl that "it wasn't about" when he dumped me out of the blue.


I'm so angry and hurt and I WANT TO BE OVER HIM ... But here I am - crying about how much I miss him still. Ugh. I feel like such a fool.

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It takes a lot of time to process the end of a significant relationship. Some studies put the average at around 18 months to two years. It will get better but you have to go through the hurt first. There are no shortcuts to healing. It will get better in time though.

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I've gone back and reread your posts. I know the feeling. My bf of almost 3 years and I broke up the day after thanksgiving and now he is already dating the girl that he said he didn't have feelings for. Today I tried all I could to refrain from looking at my ex's pic from the 3 week european trip he took with his now gf.... thankfully the power went out and when it came back on I found this site instead. I hate that you are going through this all and I know it has to be more painful coming out of a 7+ year relationship. There are times I wish I could hate my ex or wish evil upon him, but that's not the kind of person I am. People ask me the question on if he came back would I take him back..... and I absolutely HATE that I can't say no.

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Seven years is a very long time. Is there any way you can cut him out of your life completely? Tell your family and friends to never mention him & avoid him 100%.

You have made me feel fortunate that I have no common friends with my ex and avoiding him is a personal choice.


You will be in shock for a while, but could it get worse? Not likely. This is rock bottom for you and hopefully you can start to heal.

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Hi Ski,


So sorry to hear this It must be really hard. I don't really have any advice, just to say that this sucks and my heart goes out to you.


Also: This Too Will Pass!


PS: You mentioned in another thread that you were seeing someone else. How is this going?



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Finding out your ex is with a new partner can be empowering.


Yes it hurts, but its not necessarily a bad thing. It lights a fire under you to move on and it removes the possibility of wondering if they'll come back.


Really at the end of the day they are gone from your life regardless, so it doesn't affect you unless you let it. You decide, positive influence or something to torture yourself with?

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Thanks everyone for the thoughts and feedback. I'm doing better today.


@guest777: I've been struggling a lot with trying to get angry at my ex. It's slowly happening. Some days I get really angry. Others, I just go "it is what it is, and I can't change that." But I really wish he had dumped me sooner or that I had dumped him when things started to go south - I know now that the feeling in your gut is sooooo important to listen to. But it's so hard to see what is really going on when you are spending all your time trying to save a sinking ship.


@sadchick: I'm really torn about this wedding now. It's a month away... I would hate to disappoint everyone there but at the same time, I'm having a really rough time getting through this summer as my ex and I spent a lot of time together during this time, and the last thing I want to do is see him... Especially at a place that is special to me, where we basically grew up together, surrounded my friends who knew us as "us." ... bleh, my stomach twists... We'll see what happens over the next couple weeks.


@kishiko: agreed & working on it I wish it was as easy as flipping a switch


@Grace: The guy that I was seeing treated me amazing when we were casually hooking up. But he wasn't 100% sure if he wanted something more serious, and I was worried I would get super attached so we called off the hooking up and are now just really great friends. I'm not sure if something will change in the future between us or not, and, honestly, I'm okay with either. It's nice having a guy who admits he's uncertain about what he wants!!! That short fling made me realize 1) how awful my ex was in bed - lol, 2) that men CAN be adult about their emotions, 3) that men can also care about someone beside themselves, and 4) I was in a terrible relationship for the last couple years.


@mtom12: I'm really trying to work on having this not effect as much; I guess my emotions come and go in waves, though. I can't wait until this rollercoaster stops

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