Sunshine7 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Okay so I have been seeing a guy 2 months we have had the talk where its decided we are only having sex with each other and he said hes only seeing me and doesnt intend on seeing anyone else. Well he texts me everyday and cos we go same gym he always sees me there and wants to hang out, on Friday we ended up getting drunk and had sex, but it always seems like he wants me away from him straight afterwards, but the sex goes on for hours so its not a quick thing, so I text him when I left saying (bearing in mind I was still drunk) that he should go and find someone else to have his 'fun' with .. I accused him of treating me like a prostitute. Anyway following night he text me asking me if I was really upset with him, I said yes and he asked why, I told him I didnt like the fact that after sex I felt like he couldn't get me out the door quick enough...then he text 'do you think maybe I dont want to get attached?' and that 'he would explain why when he saw me next'....... what does he mean by this - mans opinion only please Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Hmmm, well first of all if he was seeing this as just a sexual relationship then it might well have been the case he only wants you for that, and any small talk pre the act is serving the purpose of keeping of "geting the oven hot". However, its more likely from reading your post that he wants the fun stuff of a relationship with the regular sex but he dosent want (yet) the emotional attachment and other elements of a relationship. Has he just come out of a relationship at all? It might be that he got burnt previously and hes worried about being hurt or something along those lines? Link to comment
FathomFear Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Seems rather clear to me. He's not interested in a relationship at this time and so perhaps doesn't want to engage in more "intimate" activities such as cuddling, making dinner afterwards, etc. I think you were a bit off base for accusing him of treating you like a prostitute. What you described was completely a mutual activity. You hooked up with a presumably hot guy from the gym. Now, if you're interested in more you should certainly express that--but I wouldn't criticize him for not doing that automatically as it may not be what he wants. It's not something he nor you have signed up for yet. Link to comment
Sunshine7 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 The thing is what I was thinking was the text I sent to him telling him to find someone else, is a blow off in other words me ending it right, so he must be bothered about me to a certain extent to be worried that I was upset with him? he said than when he explains it may take a while!!! he was in a relationship for 8 years but it ended a long time ago as far as Im aware. I dont know what happened tho but he doesnt seem the type to be hurt or burnt by anything Link to comment
Sunshine7 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 The thing is he also knows and I have clearly stated that I can't just do a casual thing and he knows this so why even when I blow him off does he pursue me if a) he doesnt want a relationship when he knows I do and b) he knows I cant do casual sex and wont do that Link to comment
FathomFear Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 The thing is what I was thinking was the text I sent to him telling him to find someone else, is a blow off in other words me ending it right, so he must be bothered about me to a certain extent to be worried that I was upset with him? he said than when he explains it may take a while!!! he was in a relationship for 8 years but it ended a long time ago as far as Im aware. I dont know what happened tho but he doesnt seem the type to be hurt or burnt by anything I would meet up with him and see what he has to say. This doesn't need to end in a negative manner. If you discover that he doesn't want a relationship right now for certain reasons, then you can just shake his hand and wish him well if you want something else. Link to comment
Sunshine7 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Thanks Fathomfear - I'm just one of those people who doesnt want to be used and wants to know where I stand, cos time is too precious to waste and I dont want to get hurt as I feel slightly very slightly attached. But I don't think he would go I think he does genuinely like me as he pursued me and also took me to the Airport at 3am and picked me up same time to take me home which is 30 miles away....a guy who just wants sex wouldn't do that, plus we only have sex like once every 2 wks... Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I am confused by one thing though. From reading your first post it seems that you both agred to keep it at just sex but youve also said you want a relationship? Link to comment
Sunshine7 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 no we never agreed just sex, we both said we werent seeing other people and didnt intend to and that includes seeing other people for sex. Link to comment
jakel Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I don't know the guy so I couldn't say, could be he's coming out of something bad, or too intense, or maybe it was just really recent. The important thing is to be REALLY honest with yourself, WHAT DO YOU WANT? Its natural to think someone will slowly come around and become what we want them too. Its an idea that causes a lot of pain. For some the fwb or nsa stuff is virtually impossible (I'm a dude I cant pull it off.) It sounds like he broke it down for you where he was at, now your turn. It will benefit both of you win win Link to comment
Sunshine7 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 well he said he would explain why and it would take a while to explain next time he sees me. I mean he has been really good to me and its not just sex but I want more and he knows I cant do FWB or just sex its just not me. I am not going to beat it out of him I will give him space to come out and say it of his own accord, its just in the mean time whilst waiting you do think it over and over so its good to get opinions on here... keeps me sane in the mean time. Link to comment
jakel Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 This guy is not gonna make or break ya. If not him your guy is out there. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I think you need to just wait until you can see him and talk to him before jumping to all of these conclusions. Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Personally from how youve worded it, the impression I got was that you were just having exclusive sex but that was it. If youve made it clear from the get go that you want a relationship and not to just be FWB then the likely hood is either he has just come out of something traumatic or fairly recent, or he is just using you to get his thrills and just has zero interest in commitment at the moment. The best thing to do is talk it out with him. Be honest but brace yourself for the possibility he might want to end it if he thinks its turning too heavy too fast. Thats no reflection upon you, just might mean you both desire different end goals from this. As someone else said, go with your heart and what you want. If he's not ready you can either play the waiting game or go and find your happiness else where x Link to comment
stuka80 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 it's just sex. although me personally i wont push the woman out the door right away and i actually dont mind cuddling with her if she decides to sleep in my bed so everyone's different but i still wont have any feelings for her aside from being a fwb. Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 it's just sex. although me personally i wont push the woman out the door right away and i actually dont mind cuddling with her if she decides to sleep in my bed so everyone's different but i still wont have any feelings for her aside from being a fwb. I agree. I think the only time I have been abrahisve and pushed the girl out of bed (and sorry to say this as I know this will paint me in a bad light) is if the girl was seen by myself as just being a sex object and I had no real feelings and attraction to her. That sounds harsh and cruel I know, not something im proud of but I have done that in the past. Link to comment
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