Not Doing it Near as Much

[sjb6050]

Hi,

 

So for what I am to assume it probably a number of reasons, my girlfriend and I do not have sex like we once did only 2 months ago. We are going on being together for 2 years and have NEVER even had a remote sex issue. As a matter of fact it has been amazing and I know she agrees. So this summer when she doesn't seem to be feeling it anywhere near as much as before makes me feel a little insecure and ....wanting to have sex.

 

I will say though, some things have happened that may cause this. She decided not to go back to her job after a woman that she hated was promoted there and is currently on unemployment. She has not been able to find another job to her liking and feels worthless sitting around all the time. She is near broke and has 2 children from her long ex-husband that she feels she is not providing enough for. I am working a solid job and have good job prospects which I am thrilled about, but I took this job for us and it seems like our life together is worse off now.

 

She just seems to be more distant to me on a daily basis and doesn't even say "I love you," as much. It makes me almost want to ignore her and see how she fares on her own sometimes.

 

I guess there are lots of issues at hand here, but it is a combination of feeling unappealing to her now sexually which we never had a problem with, and feeling like I'm in a hollow relationship. How can this get better? Is there something else I can do for her or is it really at the core of this that she just needs to get a job and back to work so she is no longer crazy altogether? (which is kind of what I think)

 

Maybe it is selfish, but I am feeling sexually frustrated and distant from her. Any advice please?

[sjb6050]

I should probably also point at that she has gained some weight do to this time off which has been somewhat noticeable to me (although I don't really care and still find her beautiful) but she feels like a slob and less attractive. I get that she feels that way but she doesn't really look that way. I'm assuming this is also a contributor in how she's been but she can't get it through her head that I still think she's beautiful.

[Firiel]

Encourage her to take a job-- any job. I was recently looking for a job and could only find a janitoring job. I was frustrated to have to take a job like that with a college degree, but I felt much better emotionally and physically when I was getting out of the house and working hard at something, even if it wasn't something I enjoyed. Or encourage her to spend her extra time pursuing an interest (or a workout plan to conquer two mountains). Having a meaning to her life instead of just sitting at home applying for jobs will help give her purpose in life.

 

It sounds like she needs to get her emotional health under control, and all you can really do at this point is encourage her in that direction...

[sjb6050]

I should update this story...its getting away from having to do with "sex and romance" but ever since she has not been able to find a job and not been back at work...I have been bending over backwards supporting her. Not just emotionally (we have endless conversations about what the employment future holds for her) but financially here and there as well. Tonight I got home from work and she was being very nontalkative and wouldnt even talk to me about her day and eventually admitted to me that she resents me for having a friend from where we used to work (who is male) and believes there is someone (i presume from my new job) else in my life. I went pretty much ballistic. I don't think she understands how much I care about her and all the good I am trying to provide for us. I seriously think I may be on the verge of breaking up with her after 2 years from those comments. I do not cheat, never have and would not on her at all, I love her and she knows that. I tell her every day and she never says it back...yet she turns on me like I am with someone else? I think I may be done with this although there used to be good times.

 

What the hell should I do?