charlieyost Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Broke up close to 2 months now. Been on limited contact for almost 1.5 months. Did the begging and pleading at first, then I decided to go into No Contact. Received this last night: I just wanted to pop a hello and tell you that I still care alot for you and I hope you are doing okay. You are still dear to me and I miss you, and I hope this distance between us will eventually disappear. Anyways, please take care of yourself, eat well, please meet your friends soon cos they are worried about you I think, and please don't tire yourself out in any way. Don't know what to reply. But I do wanna reconcile. Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 are you on a break or real break up? " I hope this distance between us will eventually disappear" seems hopeful, but "please take care of yourself, eat well, please meet your friends soon " seems to tell you to move on. i suggest continue your NC, because there is no clear indication of wanting to recon. you can maybe give a super short reply like "i will, thanks". and con't NC. Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 It doesn't sound like he is intending on reconciling with you, so you can either continue with NC (best option for yourself and so that you don't encourage friendship) or you can say "thank you. I think it's probably best if we do not stay in touch and that you don't contact me if we are not in a relationship. Thanks." Have you deleted him from facebook? Link to comment
charlieyost Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 I don't have a facebook. I noticed that her whatsapp status is now 'somehow the tears keep coming' In our previous email regarding a project we were working together. She asked if I still want a part of it. I told her I do but I can't right now. She asked if this is what I really want. I replied her that it isn't about what I really want, but what I need to do to let go and move on. She didn't reply me after. But sent me that text a few days later. Link to comment
charlieyost Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 real break up. about 2 weeks ago, she asked me if i wanna join her and her friends for dinner. i questioned her. asked if her friends know if we broke up. she said no. i asked then what am i there for. she said because her friends asked me along. i asked why didn't she tell her friends we broke up. she said she wasn't sure if i was comfortable with that. i told her to tell her friends that we broke up and i am okay with that. Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I don't have a facebook. I noticed that her whatsapp status is now 'somehow the tears keep coming' In our previous email regarding a project we were working together. She asked if I still want a part of it. I told her I do but I can't right now. She asked if this is what I really want. I replied her that it isn't about what I really want, but what I need to do to let go and move on. She didn't reply me after. But sent me that text a few days later. Delete that app you have so you can't see her status anymore. Read my thread about changing your social media to promote healing. She may be crying because it's always hard when you dump someone that you care about. It doesn't mean that she necessarily regrets her decision, though. Checking up on what she is saying will just screw with your mind. If she wants to get in contact with you to reconcile - she will. No Contact is just as much about removing them from YOUR life. Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 real break up. about 2 weeks ago, she asked me if i wanna join her and her friends for dinner. i questioned her. asked if her friends know if we broke up. she said no. i asked then what am i there for. she said because her friends asked me along. i asked why didn't she tell her friends we broke up. she said she wasn't sure if i was comfortable with that. i told her to tell her friends that we broke up and i am okay with that. She wants to keep you as a friend. Don't do it. Link to comment
charlieyost Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 yeah i think she just wants me as a friend. but i am not gonna settle for that. so i guess its back to no contact! if she wants me, she will get in contact with me. Link to comment
hopelessincan Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 real break up. about 2 weeks ago, she asked me if i wanna join her and her friends for dinner. i questioned her. asked if her friends know if we broke up. she said no. i asked then what am i there for. she said because her friends asked me along. i asked why didn't she tell her friends we broke up. she said she wasn't sure if i was comfortable with that. i told her to tell her friends that we broke up and i am okay with that. two months broken up and she didnt tell her friends? that strikes me as odd. Most girls need the support from their girlfriends and have a hard time not sharing such important details of their lives.... Link to comment
Angel Irulan Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I didn't hear that they wanted to reconcile here, so you may be reading way too much into this text. It might have been meant to be a polite inquiry. Your ex SO likely just wants to be social friends/acquaintances again. Link to comment
charlieyost Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 yeah i spoke to her close friend last month about the break up, she didn't know about it. they went for the dinner together and my ex told her about the break up. Link to comment
charlieyost Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 I think so too. I guess she just misses my presence thats all. Link to comment
sunnz Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I think it's time to not communicate with her friends on anything...if you have to or if they are mutual friends you want to come accross as POSITIVE...confident strong self...and no talk about her...or the break up Her message is indicating that she thinks you're still in the weak stage...{her message is like mother coddling - you do not want this} as in emotionally hurting still trying to get over it all ...of course you may be still BUT you don't want her to know that !!! I mean I would find it offensive...in a way...because she is telling you to do things you already know...you're not stupid...you're an adult...lol... If she hears things from you by a third party ALWAYS show your happy positive side to anyone associated with her... You need to change your mindset...you already did the negative stuff ...begging...etc...it didn't work...change...curiosity will kick in for the other person...but you need to be consistent and be true... you need to show through your actions that you have a life and life goes on...even if you want to reconcile... Remember weakness = off putting...strength = sexy LOL Link to comment
charlieyost Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 thanks sunnz. yeah, i haven't been speaking to her friend. but if we do talk, she promised me to keep it between us and i trust her on that. i haven't been going out cos i am the sort who likes to heal alone. and maybe my friends approached her i don't know. and i don't wanna know. i guess the distance between us is hitting her now. she wants a friendship i know that. but i don't want that, that's why i went into nc. it is for the best for me to heal. maybe she is just curious about what i am doing, she thinks i am still hurting. but actually i am feeling much better already. Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Whenever you speak to an ex's friend, ALWAYS assume that whatever you say will be repeated back to an ex. At the end of the day, they are your ex's friends and that is where the loyalty lies. Link to comment
ceezane Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I didn't hear that they wanted to reconcile here, so you may be reading way too much into this text. It might have been meant to be a polite inquiry. Your ex SO likely just wants to be social friends/acquaintances again. ...or shes thinking about him, which shows signs of interest! dont text her back and wait for the second one. if she asks why u ignored her, say you never got a text from her. if you have bbm, then you most likely received it and read it. thank god i dont have bbm Link to comment
charlieyost Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 she knows that i've got the msg. it indicates on the program. but i don't know. i don't know if i should reply her, i'm just gonna leave it as it is. is thinking a sign of interest? i read alot and i think she just misses me that's all. we used to do alot of things together, hang out everyday and stuff. maybe she is missing my presence that's all. i'm not thinking too much about it. after all, she didn't mention a reconciliation. Link to comment
charlieyost Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 So, I did not reply her 4 days ago. This morning at 4.24am she sent me this funny how from strangers we become friends then back to being strangers again... Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 So, I did not reply her 4 days ago. This morning at 4.24am she sent me this funny how from strangers we become friends then back to being strangers again... Ignore it. The only reason that you two are strangers is because SHE chose for it to be that way. So she shouldn't make you feel guilty for being one. Link to comment
Bella4 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 My ex just messaged me "Thank you for forwarding the festival tickets, I hope you have a nice weekend : )" He's already thanked me, and we've been under NC for 9 days.......why did he need to send that? Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 My ex just messaged me "Thank you for forwarding the festival tickets, I hope you have a nice weekend : )" He's already thanked me, and we've been under NC for 9 days.......why did he need to send that? Because he wants to stay friends. If that isn't what you want, and if you want to continue healing, ignore it. Link to comment
Bella4 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Because he wants to stay friends. If that isn't what you want, and if you want to continue healing, ignore it. I want more than friends. So I guess it's back to NC and heal. Link to comment
ngu11 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I'm kind of sick of the pessimistic views on this forum, although I do appreciate that a lot are only giving advice with the best intentions so they are appreciated however, this kind of advice to someone who clearly wants to get back to their ex is more than likely going to put the final nail in the coffin. FACT: We can't possibly know what our ex is thinking...I mean how can you or anybody else who is posting on this forum. In fact, the people giving advice are at even more of a disadvantage as they neither know you OR your ex. you don't even know what you're thinking half the time, so don't get to attached to what your ex may or not be thinking. Instead, be ok with your current situation....accept the fact that it's over....take a few weeks for yourself to think more clearly and also to allow your ex some space to think clearly. BUT...if you want to get your ex back, you have to do something about it... not hound them or beg for them back...but at some point you're going have to re-start communication. Don't worry if your ex is going out with someone else or if they are ignoring you because you'll be investing into something that you know little about. You need to get back to being you...the you that you were when you first met...if you can do this then you are at the optimum level to begin getting your ex back. You just have to be patient. Just cause you want them back today...doesn't mean they do...or that its going to happen. Once you begin talking again...stay clear of talking about the relationship for a while....all you want to do is build up the attraction and their desire....and don't put too much pressure on yourself for things to go well straight away. Getting an ex back is a marathon NOT a sprint! Only advice that gives you faith is going to have a positive influence on your actions! Good luck to you and ALL of you who want your exes back. Link to comment
Mellie Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Pessimistic or realistic? Sorry mate, but it's a fact you can't "have" them back whenever you want them. There is this little thing called free will. "Only advice that gives you faith is going to have a positive influence on your actions!". So the thread last night where the OP wanted to show up on the dumper's doorstep, we should have given her a pat on the back and sent her on her way? You will get a range of different opinions here, from the desperately depressed to the completely deluded. The key is balance. OP, she is throwing out the feelers. If you don't want her, then that's up to you, but if my ex messaged me like that, I would respond. Contacting you is a positive sign. Not telling her friends is a positive sign. The status update, wanting to set something up - all positive signs. She isn't going to turn up on your doorstep and say I'm so sorry, I've been an idiot. Please take me back. When you broke up I'm sure she was pretty cut up and she's actually probably quite emotionally vulnerable herself. So if you really, really want her back, I'd interract with her. How else is it going to happen? No please come backs, I love you so much, I wouldn't give her much but just be friendly and receptive. Receptive, but not entirely reciprocative. If you can handle it face to face, fine, if not, via message or what have you. Create an environment where she can say what she has to say, because she isn't going to just blurt it out. Or if you've moved on then don't - it's your choice. My guess is: No reception: she might initiate contact again. Hostile reception: she'll scamper off sharpish. Too warm a reception: she'll feel smothered already. Controlled reception: who knows. It has only been 2 months. Maybe she doesn't want to get back together, maybe she will just come out with the let's be friends line in the end. You can cross that bridge if you come to it. Nothing's set in stone - you can go NC again. I know that will set you back, but won't never knowing do the same? I wish you the best of luck. Link to comment
ngu11 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Pessimistic or realistic? Sorry mate, but it's a fact you can't "have" them back whenever you want them. There is this little thing called free will. "Only advice that gives you faith is going to have a positive influence on your actions!". So the thread last night where the OP wanted to show up on the dumper's doorstep, we should have given her a pat on the back and sent her on her way? Nobody is questioning peoples free will...i did say that it doesn't mean its going to happen also. I'm merely saying with faith...people will act proactively instead of reacting...turning up on their doorstep is definitely a big no no and is an example of reacting! When people get to being themselves again with the past confidence that they held, they are able to make more informed decisions about what is right and what is DEFINITELY not right. Moving on may be the best result in many situations however, constantly telling people that it's their ONLY option is terrible advice and wont always have a POSITIVE inpact on their actions. When they've rediscovered that confidence in themselves...this is the only time where they can seriously and happily make a decision about which path to take at the crossroad! Link to comment
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