The heart of darkness...?

[overcorrect]

After getting my divorce in April 2010, I have established that many people (not all) I trusted and loved have what I call the heart of darkness. I call it that from the ability of someone to be dark and conniving on the inside and the ability they have for true deception and evil. No matter the face they put forward, they are dark.

 

A mental review of all my friends, relatives, lovers from my past reveals almost ALL of them have cheated, are cheating or want to cheat on their significant other. Makes it hard to trust. Even I had the ability for the this, BUT I knew that it was wrong and would cut things off before they got out of hand.

 

My question is, regarding your own life and relationships.... do you find that it seems as if everyone in your life does or has done this same thing?

 

I ask this question because it just seems part of human nature to get a divorce after years of marriage... What happens to people?! Any insight?

 

What's even stranger is I still trust people to do good to me.... My g/f is one that I feel I can trust, but I just now assume it's just a matter of time.... Bleak huh? I really don't think so... Just a realist.

[90_hour_sleep]

well...based on your track record...i think your perspective makes a world of sense. i think i might tend to agree with the ''matter of time'' notion...which seems much more natural to me anyway. there's something about ''forever'' that feels forced...contrived. for me it doesn't feel like the naturl course of things...but a human creation designed to cleverly avoid 'endings' of all sorts. we fear endings like we fear death. the ending of a relationship is a small death in itself.

 

as far as 'pure evil'...i dunno. i think we're all capable of acting in less than stellar ways. our actions can often contribute to a world of pain for others. but is it consciously evil? i doubt it. i really do. and maybe that's because i've been witness my own less than stellar treatments of various situations. i'm by no means an infallible human being. but do i consciously set out to deceive...to hurt...to maliciously inflict pain and suffering on those closest to me? no. i don't. i hold myself accountable for my actions...and choose to embrace the fact that others likely aren't all that different than i am. flawed human beings who are very much capable of engaging in poor decision making processes -- sometimes over, and over, and over, and over.

 

i think it's unfortunate...but by no means of cruel intent. i've been witness to genuinely wonderful people who change into veritable monsters when in the grips of reactive behaviour. but that's what it is. it's reactive behaviour. it's not in essence who those people are...and to judge them on account of those instances doesn't feel entirely fair to me. i suppose that's just what i'd hope from others though when i happen to be in the throes of a reactive fit. a bit of patience...and understanding...as difficult as that is.

 

i don't blame you. i'd be a bit jaded too. but there's only so much you can do where others are concerned. put your own worth in yourself. give yourself to others as you hope to be given to yourself...and hope you attract those into your life that are ready to do the same.

 

just my thoughts though.

 

cheers

[pietro5266]

90_hour_sleep, as a musician, I love your second signature quote. It's true, you know...

 

I think that, if you look hard enough, you can find a collection of people who you can trust most of the time. Since we are all fallible, we all transgress upon others from time to time. But normal people know both how to apologize for such things, and accept apologies. I strongly agree with 90_hour_sleep -- people don't try to be malicious or mean-spirited. Doing things in one's self-interest, unfortunately, often causes pain for others.

 

90_hour_sleep also makes some interesting points regarding the longevity of relationships. One interesting thing to consider is that the idea of lifetime relationships was developed at a time when the average human life-span was less than 40 years, which means that you stayed married for about 25 years or less, in most cases. Today, if you marry in your late 20's, a lifetime relationship could easily run 50-60 years. People change a lot during that length of time, so it becomes much less reasonable to expect them to stay with one person all of their lives. There is great benefit in a relationship lasting for the length of rearing one's children -- which corresponds to about the same amount of time as marriages in earlier times.

 

I think it would certainly be nice to grow old with someone. But that someone doesn't have to be the first one. Besides, when we marry young, we're so damn immature that we often marry for the wrong reasons -- co-dependence, for example. Better, at some point, to right that wrong and learn from it, then do it better the next time.

[doyathink]

I can totally relate

[overcorrect]

Quit honestly, I don't think I'm jaded. Just realistic. It doesn't sadden me to realize things aren't as permanent as they may seem. I never really thought about the "forever" seeming forced or contrived, but it so is. People indeed do change over the course of their lifetime and change dramatically in 15-20 years indeed. A new era has started for me. It's strange to think life can be reset like this but it has been. Thank you for the "contrived" insight. Very good.