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The Great Wall of New Jersey


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Hi, I just found this site and it seems like it may help me. I am getting near the end of my rope or at least I am seeing parts of my rope I have never seen before.


We started dating in 2010 and it has been amazing ever since. Never had fights or any problems. Right around a month ago, we went out Friday night, went out Sat night to a restaurant with her daughter (had a great time and I did magic tricks for her daughter the whole time) she even texted me after that saying how amazing it was. Sunday we were supposed to go out and celebrate my mom's 60th birthday and she says she is going to be late. "No problem" I tell her. I will wait until she gets to my house and we will go 15 minutes late. (it is a brunch so no one will care). She then protests 3 or 4 times saying that she doesn't want to make everyone late. I see this is going nowhere so I tell her it's ok and we will talk after. Well after she texts me saying she hopes everyone had a good time and she is sorry. Not a big deal in my book.


That is the last contact I had with her for a month. I texted her the next day, saying "hello", nothing. I then give her some space and I called her 2 times 5 days later. Nothing. I wait 3 weeks and then I mail her a nice 3 page letter asking her what happened? Nothing. I emailed her 3 or 4 days later nothing.


Before I tell you what happened next, let me tell you of a little bump in the road 2 weeks earlier than Memorial Day. The same thing happened of no texts on either side (it was one of those times where both parties were waiting who would text first.) That little misunderstanding lasted a week and then we talked. She said that with exams and her daughter she felt overwhelmed and needed some time. I said "no problem". We both loved each other. I left her alone 2 or 3 days when she came back full force and apologized profusely many, many times for treating me this way. She said she loved me more than anything. She admitted alot of things to me at that point. She admitted that she puts up the "Great Wall of China" so no one will hurt her and she also is bad at communicating. She told me that I am too good for her and that she fears I will get sick of her and break up with her in the future so that is why she was thinking of breaking up with me. I asked if I gave her any indication that would happen and she replied "No. It was in her head". She fears I will learn the truth of her emotional baggage )daughter, no job, school, etc.) I told her the key to successful relationships is communication. We should tell each other our fears,etc. Anyway she came back full force and we resumed our happy lifestyle and talked about things more. She and I actually think we got closer because of all that. She tells me that she never had a best friend like me. No one ever helped her, no one ever cared about helping her do her homework, care for her daughter, make her feel pretty, sexy, smart. Both our families get along awesome. She has been showing people a picture of an engagement ring she wants for 2 or 3 months now. I think it's cute. After all we have always talked about getting married and always talked about having kids. It was always a "go" from the start. Everyone she knows is almost sick of hearing her "gush" about me all the time. I say almost because they are really happy we found each other. She says that she recently stopped her anti-depression meds about 2 months ago (right around we started having these troubles) with the approval of her doctor because she wanted to plan on having kids with me and she heard that these drugs may stay in the system a year and might have an effect on the baby.


Anyway, about a week ago, I stopped by her house to talk to her face to face and she said she still is very confused. We talked for a hour and a half and I again reassured her that I understand and will give her the time she needs. I also reassured her we can take it down a notch and be friends so it is not so scary to her. During the last week, we have texted a couple times and I actually called her and had a great conversation Friday. Regular conversation, nothing about the past. I wanted to open the lines of communication again. I also am very careful to avoid bombarding her with ME. I keep it sparse and light like friends.


I have so many questions.


How does one who used to tell me has never been so in love with someone as me, just cut it off, without a fight or anything to trigger it?

How do you shop for engagement rings and plan on having kids just 2 months ago then cut it off?

How do you go from hanging out 3 or 4 times a week to nothing? Sometimes she was so desperate/passionate, she would call me without notice and say, can we meet for coffee right now at 10:00 pm at night? It was so exciting.

She would often tell me everytime we were intimate that it was the best she ever had and it kept getting better each time.

My sister invited her to the pool with her kids and asked her to bring her daughter to which she agreed next week. (at least that indicates she still is thinking about the future with our families).

When I saw her at her house, I even asked her. "you actually never expected I would still come back right, you expected me to stay away and move on?".

She said yes, almost like this was a test either consciously or subconsciously.

She says lately, she has been feeling guilty of enjoying herself with me and not being with her child. She is on summer vacation from her school and she does not work. Her ex has the kid every other weekend, which is mostly when we went out.


Has anybody experienced this?

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I read this post and immediately became suspicious. Not that I am super-cynical by any means. Listen, I had a wife of 16 years move emotionally away from me for the last 7 years of our marriage. She basically appeared to give up on caring about how I felt about any of it. I was CERTAIN that there was no possible way she was seeing anyone else as I knew her passcode to her iPhone and had not "questionable" messages on her email or text.

It wasn't until she decided I needed to move out that I caught her talking to her female friend (who I THOUGHT was a dear friend of mine) about hoping her boyfriend's wife was out of town that weekend and making out with him in a parking garage. Still hard to believe but I heard it from the horse's mouth! She excused being publicly physically emotional (holding hands, kissing) with me due to her needing to protect her reputation, but was able to easily grope her boyfriend in the downtown parking garage.

What's even more sickening is the boyfriend was her 11 year senior boss.

Just not getting a good vibe from her using her "confusion" as a crutch to excuse away any possible mis-doings. I swallowed that bait for 7 years, don't be surprised. I was the one that used to say, "She'd never cheat on me". I was wrong.


On a side note, now I have a really knock-out girlfriend that is everything I ever wanted. How'da thunk it?

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