Tired of feeling unloved

[Anusha]

I have felt that way in most of my relationships and Im just tired of this.I usualy feel like I care much more than the other person.Im always worried about keeping contact,missing them and stuff like that when I cant feel the same from the other person.And isnt like they dont care but they have a more indiferent behaviour,like if we dont get to talk it just doesnt seem a big deal to them for example.Like I have never got them complaning to me that we havent talked on the phone or that Im not calling often and stuff like that,it usualy just me who does that.How can I stop feeling this way?

[Cheetarah]

Read about obsessive love, Anusha. I've started reading a few books about it lately, and I'm shocked(and embarrassed) at how much I identify with it. I thought I was just finding the wrong people(and although that may be true in part, it can't possibly be the only reason).

 

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[LazyDaisy]

Anusha, until you love yourself you are always going to feel unloved. It has to come from within first. People pick up on the vibe you are giving out. If you don't value yourself why should they place a high value on you? Confidence attracts people. In your relationships you are always going to be the one that is caring for the other person more - because you know what - the other person is busy caring for themselves and the life they are making. Your life has to be about more than the person you are dating! Get a career, not just a job. Get educated. Go to the gym...find something you are passionate about other than getting and keeping a man! Because in the long run you can never count on a mate being there forever. Even if you were married, your husband could die. The only thing that is guaranteed to stay is the life that you make for youself. You have to be able to be happy all by yourself, the man has to be the extra part in your life, not the main part.

[xiRoCb294]

I think you're depending too much on others to bring you happiness. You make your relationships become the centre of your world, and that's too much pressure to put on your partner. He shouldn't have the sole responsibility of keeping you happy. Yes, relationships are supposed to uplift you and bring you more happiness, but it seems that the only way YOU can find happiness is just within the relationship, and that's sad.

You need to have other things in your life that make you happy. Everybody else has already given you suggestions, but you don't listen. You could take up a hobby, a sport, or like the above poster mentioned, get an education and a career. Do something meaningful in your life instead of always second-guessing your relationship and causing yourself so much unnecessary stress.

 

You've got to build up more self-esteem and confidence. You cannot always look to others to bring you constant reassurance and happiness. An independent woman is attractive in the eyes of men because she is self-assured. She doesn't need men to tell her that she's beautiful. She knows it. She lives it. She breathes and exudes confidence, and she has things going on in her life. She simply doesn't have time to care about whether or not this man is calling her enough.

[Capricorn3]

And isnt like they dont care but they have a more indiferent behaviour,like if we dont get to talk it just doesnt seem a big deal to them for example.Like I have never got them complaning to me that we havent talked on the phone or that Im not calling often and stuff like that.

That's because they are living their life, like they should do. Their behaviour is NORMAL. People have OTHER things to do, besides being with their partner 24/7 and spending every single second of their day talking on the phone etc etc. You seem to expect that your partners should be there for you at all times. You seem to expect that they have to talk to you all day long and reassure you constantly, day in and day out. That is very very unreasonable expectations and abnormal. This is what I would call obsessive love. You seem obsessed with needing to hear from them, obsessed with needing their reassurance, and generally obsessed with a relationship. You are relying on them to make you happy.

 

Key: Others cannot make you happy, if YOU are not happy and at peace with yourself.

 

If said it before and I'll say it again (as have many others before me): Please get professional counselling to help you get to the bottom of this.

[ChixDigHueyz]

Others cannot make you happy, if YOU are not happy and at peace with yourself.

 

That is the most real thing I have ever heard and it is so true. My best friend, lover he to death, she is an amazing and beautiful wonderful woman, but she doesnt see that. All she sees is imperfection and unhappiness within herself. She is my roomate and i see this on a daily basis with her, Im not as pretty, or as in shape, but Im happy and confident in myself. She has trouble finding a man because she claims all the good ones are taken and only the scum bags give her attention. Its not true, she has turned down some amazing guys, people we work with that I would totally approve of her dating. She turns them down and uses stupid excuses like "i cant date a guy who has a cat" or "hes too young I only date older guys" because she cant just admit she deserves someone awesome. And this is because she doesnt know how to love herself.

 

Anusha, please look in the mirror, and tell yourself you are worthy. Learn to love yourself, and be happy with your self, then you can be happy and love another. Until then, you will be like my friend, and its not good, Ive seen firsthand what these destructive thought processes can do to someone.

[Anusha]

Expecting a daily call from the guy you are seeing isnt normal? Most of my friends talk with their bfs daily and more than once a day even.I know that in a few things I do want too much but on that I cant see it.

[Capricorn3]

Expecting a daily call from the guy you are seeing isnt normal? Most of my friends talk with their bfs daily and more than once a day even.I know that in a few things I do want too much but on that I cant see it.

I said expecting them to talk to you all day long, every single day, (which is what you seem to want, for constant reassurance) is expecting too much (imo). It's overkill. It screams chronic insecurity. There is nothing wrong if someone doesn't call every single day.