Unwanted Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Sunday morning I got a text from the ex's mother. WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? It went like this: "Hallo D* how you doing? I know it's so hard for you and I'm hoping you are coping ok. T* is ok and working every shift. Nan & Grandad send you their love and best wishes. You take care love - xxx" WHY WON'T SHE LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! WOMAN YOU WEREN'T IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME, SO STOP TAUNTING ME!!!!!! I didn't reply to that, I wanted to and say: "Oh yeh of course I'm fine, just had a little nervous breakdown, panic attacks, on Stilnox, attending counselling sessions, failed exams, lost weight and slightly lost my mind. How are you? How are the dogs?" FOR SAKE Then, 3 hours later, I get another text from the ex, saying: "Hey, I tried calling just to see how you are? Please let me know if you're ok, and maybe we can have a chat if you're up for it at some point?" NO I'M NOT UP FOR IT AT SOME POINT YOU AR$EHOLE Seriously, mother and son are out to taunt me for the rest of my life. Maybe it's time to change my number. It's like dangling a carrot in front of me to see whether I'll bite. Then I got an email from the ex, saying: "Hey, can you just text me or E-Mail me to let me know you are OK and what's going on? I just want to know you are OK....Is it that you want to cut off all ties, and completely stop contact to make it easier...? That's fine, I just need to know your plan. I understand if you hate me. Just tell me you do, so I know you exist still" I replied with: "Hey when you get a chance, can you please send over my clothes. And if you can start the downpayments on the $2K you owe me. Thanks" WHY ALL OF SUDDEN DO YOU CARE ABOUT ME...OHHH YOU WANT TO KNOW WHETHER I EXIST STILL...DID YOU THINK I WOULD KILL MYSELF...WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FOR GODS SAKE!!!!!!!!!! I was driving home and I just balled my eyes out. Why can't they just leave me be...I just want to get on with my life. Link to comment
giraffegirl Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 ok, caaaaaaalm down....... The way you answered was brilliant It a) well you have confirmed you still exist which is what he says he wanted to know and b) takes care of the money business I would say he got his mother to text you ( he really is a mummys boy) Link to comment
giraffegirl Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 What a class A a$$hole he is Link to comment
DN Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 It seems to me both your ex and his mother are genuinely concerned about you. I know it is hard to appreciate that and their concern makes you angry but it does seem that they care. Link to comment
giraffegirl Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 She has been through sheer hell this past couple of weeks and has come such a long way just recently, so this contact is very selfish of them i believe At least though, you didnt show your anger to them. Dignity. It seems to me both your ex and his mother are genuinely concerned about you. I know it is hard to appreciate that and their concern makes you angry but it does seem that they care. Link to comment
DN Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Well, we do see many posts on here from people who have been left angry because their ex shows no concern - it does seem to be a lose-lose situation. Link to comment
hello678 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Well replied. Its easy to make the mistake of giving them positive affection when they're doing nothing at all positive for you. Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I agree with DN that your Ex and his mother seem to care about you. I really do feel your pain. Let your emotions out because keeping them in will slowly eat you apart. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to vent, then this is the best place to do it. However, you need to keep your emotions in control. I don't want you to reply to your Ex or his mom with anger because you will eventually regret it. You need to stay strong even in the most darkest hours. You WILL move on. Just take one step at a time. Link to comment
giraffegirl Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 yeah thats true, i guess its a good thing he cares... Well, we do see many posts on here from people who have been left angry because their ex shows no concern - it does seem to be a lose-lose situation. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Pish if he cared he wouldn't have just dumped her before such important exams! Like how selfish can he be? OP don't reply from now on. Block his number, his email, his fb etc etc change your number incase he calls you some other way You don't need this in your life! Link to comment
giraffegirl Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 yeah i agree, he knoew it was your exams dont answer him or his mother again, just make sure you make arrangements to get the money back. Maybe send a formal email outlining when it is to be paid Link to comment
Unwanted Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 Bah!!!! I don't think he genuinely cares about me. I think he's doing it because he feels guilty for screwing me over during my exams, then turning around and saying 'there was never going to be a better time'. Yeh, actually, like after my exams maybe? And maybe 4 years ago, and not stringing me along all these years. The first text I got from his mother was "I think his decision is correct and I respect that" And now I think she's realising how screwed up I am and is also feeling the guilt for sending me that first text in the first place. It's all guilt. Not genuine interest. Both of them just want to feel better about themselves. BAHHHHHH!! Link to comment
Unwanted Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 I just got this email back from him: "I know it seems ridiculous of me to ask such a question, I guess I just wanted to have a bit of contact with you. Thank you for your email. Also, I will be sending everything of yours back some time next week." WHAT ABOUT MY MONEY!!!! And why would he want contact with me, so he can have some kind of back-up? So when things go wrong on his end, he has someone to talk to? So that when his confidence is down, I'm here to lift him up again? HELL NO >=[ Link to comment
hello678 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 It is guilt. Dumpers are usually overwhelmed by guilt. Thats why they feed you breadcrumbs until they get over it. Id be persuing the money thats for sure. Although as you know starting an international civil claim over $2000 is a joke. Link to comment
Unwanted Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 It is guilt. Dumpers are usually overwhelmed by guilt. Thats why they feed you breadcrumbs until they get over it. Id be persuing the money thats for sure. Although as you know starting an international civil claim over $2000 is a joke. I just replied back saying this again "I'd really appreciate it if you started those down payments to help me with my textbooks next semester, thanks" So he wants to keep in contact so that he doesn't feel alone, and to make himself feel better "see I am not an a-hole at all, I'm keeping in contact and making sure she's alright" GTFO! Link to comment
DN Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 There is never a good time to dump someone. Link to comment
giraffegirl Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 he could have done it now, in the holidays. definitely pursue the money thing, and with your law knowledge you can make it clear that he *has to* pay it And yes, its guilt. Perhaps he wanted you to go after him a bit more, as if 2 weeks of crying and begging wasnt enough. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 It's the whole ego boost. In reality he's just a sad little insecure boy. He wants her to give him a boost and make him feel 'the man' But hell no is she gonna do that. She's gonna move on and in the future (no rebounding pleasee OP) find a guy who will make you smile big and keep ya laughing and secure and doesn't do things like this. Link to comment
Unwanted Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 There is never a good time to dump someone. I know that. But a little consideration would have been good...I'm not saying it would have been easier if he did it after my exams, but for him to do it during my exams is HEARTLESS. This is my last year of law school...never failed a subject...and this is the time of year to apply for training opportunities. If he did it AFTER my exams, at least I didn't have the exams/employment opps to worry about, and concentrated on just getting myself over that hill. But for him to do it during my exams, it was too much for me, I sat my exams, I sobbed in the corner, and stared blankly at my paper. Link to comment
Unwanted Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 It's the whole ego boost. In reality he's just a sad little insecure boy. He wants her to give him a boost and make him feel 'the man' But hell no is she gonna do that. She's gonna move on and in the future (no rebounding pleasee OP) find a guy who will make you smile big and keep ya laughing and secure and doesn't do things like this. Definitely an ego boost. I just got a reply back again saying this: "Just because I've broken up with you doesn't mean I don't care about you. And about the payments, I'll get on that next week some time...All the best." He's obviously trying to make himself feel better about the whole situation. Link to comment
Unwanted Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 he could have done it now, in the holidays. definitely pursue the money thing, and with your law knowledge you can make it clear that he *has to* pay it And yes, its guilt. Perhaps he wanted you to go after him a bit more, as if 2 weeks of crying and begging wasnt enough. Exactly my thoughts. Hell, I'm on holidays from uni for a whole month, I had a whole month to grieve, couldn't he wait 2 weeks? Anyway, exam results come out next Wed, I know I failed them, but I have my paperwork ready to get a Review of Grade. Can't believe I sailed through Law School, and on my 2nd last semester I fail 2 units. FFS Link to comment
DN Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Look, I know you are hurt and angry. But demonising an ex because he decided to break off the relationship serves no one. All it does is intensify feelings of bitterness. The hard fact is that no one owes you a relationship. Everyone has a right to end a relationship that isn't working for them and there may come a time when you will ind yourself in the same position - you may have done so already. I think it a little silly for people to say he's doing it for an ego boost. He isn't trying to get you back only to dump you, he isn't trying to make you look silly or trick you. He and his mother are just demonstrating concern, and as I said before, many people get angry because an ex ignores them and says nothing. Much better to respond by saying something like "Thank you for your concern, I am fine and am moving on. I would be grateful for the return of my money as soon as possible as I need it for my books." Keeping to the high ground by being polite but distant will always serve you better in the long run rather than increasing the bitterness by suspecting his motives. Link to comment
Unwanted Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 First of all, I have responded in a way that will keep my dignity. Second of all, I know that everyone has a right to end a relationship, and no I haven't done it to anyone, because I'm smarter than that. Some people just need to man-up and say "Hey I'm not going to let this go on for 4 years, she's not for me, I'll break it off NOW before we get in too deep". Noone owes me a relationship, but people shouldn't do to others what they don't want to be done to them. Thirdly, what is wrong with demonising an ex? He admits he's done wrong. I'm merely emphasising what an a-hole he is. It serves noone? Actually it serves me and my well-being. Because I know it wasn't me that hurt anyone, and it makes me feel better than I am a better person than he is. So when he says he wants to keep in contact with me to make sure I'm alright, clearly that's a contradiction. Because like I said before, if he really 'cared', he would have utilised time more effectively. And finally, his mother is not demonstrating concern, you clearly have not read my previous posts about my past interaction with his mother. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 DN is taking things too literally, I've been through alot of crap these few years and it's clear his ex is not showing 'concern' out of the goodness of his heart. THere's a catch (duh there always is) Link to comment
Unwanted Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 DN is taking things too literally, I've been through alot of crap these few years and it's clear his ex is not showing 'concern' out of the goodness of his heart. THere's a catch (duh there always is) Totally agree. Or sounds like DN has been The Dumper a number of times. Link to comment
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