BONO Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Guys What are the implications of not agreeing to be friends after a break up, when the person who initiated the break up wants that ? Thoughts ? Link to comment
Samedy Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Do you mean, they broke up and rejected the idea of not wanting to be friends? Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 None. If you mean the person who broke up with the other. That's the biggest fraud ever. 'Dumpers' all say 'let's be friends', it's the mating call of guilt. Means nothing, zero. If you mean the person who was left behind, that's desperation and equally means nothing. Fresh break-ups are running high on emotions. It's best to take all that with a grain of salt and let time be the decider. Time and actions speak volumes. Anything less is smoke and mirrors. If'n you ask me. Link to comment
BONO Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 Do you mean, they broke up and rejected the idea of not wanting to be friends? Thanks for the reply. I rejected the idea of being friends and told her i would no longer contact her. Link to comment
BONO Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 None. If you mean the person who broke up with the other. That's the biggest fraud ever. 'Dumpers' all say 'let's be friends', it's the mating call of guilt. Means nothing, zero. If you mean the person who was left behind, that's desperation and equally means nothing. Fresh break-ups are running high on emotions. It's best to take all that with a grain of salt and let time be the decider. Time and actions speak volumes. Anything less is smoke and mirrors. If'n you ask me. Let actions speak louder than words - move on and dismiss any idea of being friends. What impact would that have ? Link to comment
Samedy Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Other than not being friends with her...? Not much... I would assume that means there will be a division of mutual friends... I.e., her friends can no longer be friends with you.. I would say that is the worst of it. Link to comment
BONO Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 Other than not being friends with her...? Not much... I would assume that means there will be a division of mutual friends... I.e., her friends can no longer be friends with you.. I would say that is the worst of it. Ironically our mutual friends asked me out this weekend, obviously I declined. But it was interesting that they felt it appropriate to do that knowing the situation. When I broke up with someone and they told me they we moving on and did not want to stay in contact or "be friends" - I did question my decision in a big way . Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Let actions speak louder than words - move on and dismiss any idea of being friends. What impact would that have ? In the short term, not much. You both heal from the hurt of separation. Long term it allows time and space to assess what you feel about the relationship and ultimately - friendship. It really depends on how you react to no longer being a priority to a person who was once the only priority. That's not easy. It's packed full of hurt. Time, however, makes that easier. Perspective is everything in a break-up. Link to comment
DN Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Basic rule of thumb: if someone wants to be with you - they will be with you. Link to comment
BONO Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 I know, i know !!!! ((Sigh)) . Im just venting right now and making sure that i've done all possible to move on and create an environment for any future reconciliation, by declining friendship. QUOTE=DN;4883294]Basic rule of thumb: if someone wants to be with you - they will be with you. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 The implication is that it prevents the dumpee from being frustrated, hurt and used. Dumpees who remain friends with the dumper typically look for signs that the dumper is having a change of heart..when that doesn't actually happen the dumpee is hurt and frustrated. Also, the dumper will often say things like "I miss you", or "maybe we will get back together some day" or will send the dumpee words from a song etc etc. giving the dumpee false hope..all the while the dumper is dating others. The "lets be friends" line from the dumper is really just a way for the dumper to still get the ego boost of an admirer while in the process of searching for another admirer. Link to comment
Escargot Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I think it's impossible to be friends fresh out of a relationship. My ex husband and I are distant friends but only because the romance ended long ago (and we were divorced a few years before we became friends). You can always find each other later and re-establish a friendship. But so long as one person wants more than friendship and the wounds are too fresh, it's only going to cause pain and confusion. Link to comment
Chuck Bartowsk Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I know, i know !!!! ((Sigh)) . Im just venting right now and making sure that i've done all possible to move on and create an environment for any future reconciliation, by declining friendship. Your doing fine Bono keep it up. Link to comment
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