What do u tell urself to stop thinking of ur ex

[Hatetolove]

What do u tell ur self when u start thinking about what they are doing or eve worse, who they are doing?

[Lostt]

It's been almost 3 weeks and he comes to my mind sometimes (things like; he's doing better than ever without me and doesn't miss me at all) I try to tell myself that's it's all about me, it's time for me to concentrate on my life, goals and personal growth and over time thought subside.

Hope thar helps

[leaningpixie]

What do u tell ur self when u start thinking about what they are doing or eve worse, who they are doing?

 

I try to stay focused on all the things I didn't like about him!

[Zuri]

So far, I don't have that control. Can ANYONE really control that esp, at the beginning? I'd like to know the technique.

[hunniebunn]

My boyfriend and I were together for 3 1/2 years when he broke up with me. He regretted it and tried to get me back, but the damage had been done.

I always think of what could have been, but what got me through it was a trick my best friend told me.

It may sound crazy, but I made a list and put them on individual sticky notes and put them on my mirror in my room (or any place you frequent a lot). The list was all the things that he did that made me stick to my decision the first time (selfish spending, frequently drinking, etc) So more or less a list of why you are better off without him. It was so hard to think of even 2 notes the first day of the BU, but the more and more days that passed, the more sticky notes filled up my mirror.

For what got me through in the beginning is surround yourself with people you love. I went to the movies, clubs and just hung out and honestly I didn't forget what happened, but I wasn't sitting in my room thinking about it. And be NC, I can't stress that enough! I deleted him from my phone, and threatened to change my number or block him.

There is no magic pill to make it better, and still a month and a bit later it still hurts, but time does heal (I sound like my father!)

[hello678]

There is no technique. You let the thoughts be there and stop fighting them.

 

Its mentally exhausting to have to tell yourself constantly 'im better off without them' etc.

 

You can control your actions, but not your thoughts. Give it time, you'll forget about them more and more after a few months.

[flower888]

I try to stay focused on all the things I didn't like about him!

 

i think this is one of the best technique. but don't focused on what he did to you, it will make you angry and anger hurts more. i sometimes will think of his not so attractive parts, which i didn't mind but just to make myself less attracted to him.

[Hatetolove]

What about when I run into her? I am Friends with slot of we co workers go I used to work at her current job. It is where I met her. And also my friends best grind works there and we sometimes hang out with his co workers I know I'll run into her soon. My sister is going to a coriander party tonight and u dnt know what I'd doif she was there. I know that people will tell me not to go but I don't want her to stop me from going anywhere and hanging out with friends. Another thing that would make it more awkward tonight is that it's going to be at a friends house who lives in an apartment.

[MasterPo]

What do u tell ur self when u start thinking about what they are doing or eve worse, who they are doing?

 

I think its normal at the beginning and yes, it will kill you inside as your imagination will go wild. Some had techniques but here are some things I did and you are welcome to try them. If it helps, I will send you a bill. lol

 

1. Endorphins. Get some exercise going even if you don't want to. Stories about me walking up and down stairs with a bag of dogfood are very true. Walking anywhere for over an hour works just as well. I get on the bus and get off miles away and walk back. Just be safe.

 

2. Music. Just find music that makes you feel better and use it to "get through" the rough times.

 

3. Try not to be alone. Doesn't mean date. It means go plan a week's activities and do them. If you have a good friend then you have it made. If not, do them anyway. Don't think about what anybody will say or think - just do it. Builds confidence.

 

4. Teach yourself something. I bought an Esteban guitar and plucked myself crazy learning 'greensleeves' and some INXS tune. It kept me busy but I'm not any better. One day though.

 

5. No contact. You are so worth the wait - let them come back to you and if they don't, then do as C LO Green says.

 

6. Who are they doing? This is so harsh. I can't tell you how to break that - god it almost did me in. However, time and more time just made seem irrelevant. They aren't doing you and no matter how much sex they have, it ain't with you and you know they are thinking of you. Just you and that other person is just a tool. Maybe that helps.

 

Good luck.

 

Oh yeah, read archived ENA. Many of us made it and moved on and so will you.

[Hatetolove]

Thank u masterpo. What about the situation the I stated above? Running into her. I know it is best to avoid it, but I know it will happen sooner or later. Just look the other way and have a goo time? Keep a mindset that she is just like any other ex and is also jut another ordinary person? Hang out smile and avoid eye contct or any contact what so ever? Just a simple hi an how are you? U know what I mean lol. Any advice?

[hello678]

Thank u masterpo. What about the situation the I stated above? Running into her. I know it is best to avoid it, but I know it will happen sooner or later. Just look the other way and have a goo time? Keep a mindset that she is just like any other ex and is also jut another ordinary person? Hang out smile and avoid eye contct or any contact what so ever? Just a simple hi an how are you? U know what I mean lol. Any advice?

 

Don't talk to her. I know you'll fantasize about what you'll say but I think the best bet isn't looking down as it makes you look weak, but don't smike at her. Just try and avoid eye contact and look confident.

 

Either way as long as you don't talk it doesn't matter.

[pietro5266]

Just like mtom12 said. Go in with the attitude that you're going to have a great time on your own, doing what you'd normally do when single. Don't try to connect with her, but, if it occurs, be cordial but not emotional or overly familiar. Let her think that she's simply out of your mind, that you have better things, and women, to think about now. It's all in the attitude. This can be very difficult to pull-off, early-on, but, you might find it possible -- and liberating.

 

As far as thinking about her activities and with whom they might be occurring, in my experience, it's almost impossible not to think about it. I liked masterpro's take on it. Plus, you'll eventually be doing the same thing, and feeling the same way, with someone else. You just need to get through the current breakup pain first.

[ngu11]

I use a method of detachment. kind of weird but it involves a bit of meditation (non religious) which i practice for just 5 mins a day or whenever i get 'that' feeling. After that, I allow the thoughts to enter my mind....and calmly let them pass...I'm ok with it. After all, unless I go stalking her and watch where she is going and who with...I have no idea what's actually going on. Knowing less in bless and it gets easier. It's kind of about accepting it and being ok with it.

[MasterPo]

That would be very hard. I never had the chance to work with my EX but I would see her from time to time at a distance. Sometimes she would stare at me expressionless then wave her pinky slightly. I would always wave back and smile confidently even though it killed me inside.

 

At the time I was thinking of what a shame it was for her to do what she did - leaving me - as I had so much to offer. People are people and she found someone else and all I could do was hold to what little dignity I had - believe me I was this close to hitting my knees and begging for a second chance. Love has the grip on some of us. I chose not and I'm so glad I didn't.

 

Short story long. I received an email from her a few days ago and she stated that our breakup was the biggest FU in her life and she couldn't shake the love and missing me part. It could be BS but I don't think so, it's a powerful thing (love) and even her new BF couldn't completely erase me. I'm okay now but it's just something for you to think about.