Hypa22 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I had an extremely intense relationship last year. It was extremely short but throughout the year afterwards we couldn't seem to stay away from each other. It took us both about a year to recover. The breakup was especially painful for me since it was my first and I truly loved this person. In addition, he broke up with me in the worst way you could imagine. He ignored me, was cruel to me, spoke about his relationships with other women, etc... all around acted like a real jerk. The whole thing was physically painful. He has emotional problems in general, so this behavior is not uncommon for him, and he has apologized profusely over the last few months about how he treated me. About a month ago I realized I was over my ex, but I am in a big city all alone, have barely any friends, and am scared. I reached out to him and he said he had always wanted to be my friend, and now we can't seem to stay away from each other anymore. We talk every day, and even though I admit I'm the one who usually initiates (he has more friends and relatives in this area, i have practically no one), when we don't talk he always makes sure to contact me the next day. In a recent conversation that l had with him, he said that a relationship between us couldn't work because he couldn't feel the emotion or passion he associated with love towards me. He then followed this admission up with a whole list of compliments - how he still found me attractive, how he cares about me, etc... etc... and finished with how he doesn't know what to do about this situation since he truly does want to be around me all of the time. Consequently, we ARE around each other all the time, and seem to be perfectly fine with this arrangement. For my part, I don't seem to be tortured by the things that tortured me half a year ago, have detached myself from my former feelings for him, although again, i do get upset when he doesn't contact me, mainly because i'll spend the rest of my time alone. In the days following I really questioned his motives for telling me all this. He really doesn't seem to want to let me go as a person. Throughout our breakup we were constantly in contact - every time he broke it off i'd contact him, every time i broke it off he'd contact me. I kept wondering (and still do wonder) if it's guilt that's making him want to see me, but it doesn't really feel that way. He doesn't want to sleep with me, he doesn't want a relationship, but we both want to be around each other 24/7. I'm worried about what this will mean when and if i want to fall in love again. It is entirely confusing - shouldn't I not want to speak to someone who truly broke my heart terribly (i am not even interested in dating again)? Shouldn't he not want to be around me at all if he's done with me, and move on? Isn't this pretty much exactly sort of like a relationship??? It sometimes feels like it. So basically he's made it very clear he doesn't love me and yet we want to be together every second of the day. There's no tension and things are easy between us, he is nicer and more open to me now than he ever was when we were together, but the whole thng is... admittedly strange. Is this healthy? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 No, it is not healthy. He treated you very poorly when he broke up with you. What you have now is co-dependence. You need to stop relying on him and stop using him as a crutch. Go out and find friends and a support network. The minute this guy finds a girlfriend he will drop you like a hot potato. He is no friend. Link to comment
Hypa22 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 No, it is not healthy. He treated you very poorly when he broke up with you. What you have now is co-dependence. You need to stop relying on him and stop using him as a crutch. Go out and find friends and a support network. The minute this guy finds a girlfriend he will drop you like a hot potato. He is no friend. i'm not entirely sure i'd mind if he did. I've even told him before that I wouldn't care if he got married next week - i don't think i would. I would miss the attention, sure... but would I be bothered he wasn't in love with me? Not really. I guess there's no way of knowing without it actually happening. He has an eerie ability to be friends with his exes - while I will admit to being jealous of one of them, i think that is mostly residue from the jealousy i felt when we were going out. I've seen him flirt with girls in front of me since we've been friends and i haven't been too bothered by it. Link to comment
indesign Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 him saying he does not love you certainly takes the pressure off of both of you to act a 'certain' way, doesn't it?? Link to comment
Hypa22 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 him saying he does not love you certainly takes the pressure off of both of you to act a 'certain' way, doesn't it?? what do you mean by that? Link to comment
indesign Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 if you decide you are not in love then maybe its easier to let go and have fun. If you are all of a sudden in love then you have to take the relationship to a whole new level, sex, talks of marriage, seriousness, there would be a serious overtone to everything you did, where as if you were just spending time together with no pretext of wanting it to be something more, it makes it more fun and light-hearded. You would BOTH let go ! Does this make any sense at all??? Link to comment
indesign Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 On the flip-side it could also be a deal breaker for me. best to you. Link to comment
.thumb.jpg.78735a344a3340a866dda54f465baebb.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.