need to vent, letter to my ex. would also like opinions

[ut804]

dear ex,

 

In highschool 8 years ago, I would see you around and thought you were so cute. Then we met through mutual friends. We started dating. You were sweet, romantic. You told me how beautiful I was. You were unique and different. But then after 2 weeks you dumped me because i wouldn't have sex with you. A few months later I started dating your friend. It wasn't to make you jealous, just thought I liked him. All of the sudden you wanted me back. You tried apologizing. I didn't buy it.

 

So I just stopped talking to you. I moved on. I graduated highschool, went to college, went to grad school. You went to school briefly then went into the military. After getting out of a 4 year relationship, I joined a dating site. And you were on this dating site and sent me a message. At first I wasn't sure to meet with you after what you did to me in highschool. But after 8 years I thought you grew up and matured. So I agreed to meet you. To give you another chance.

 

On our date you seemed so sweet and mature. You flirted with me, paid for my dinner, wanted to spend the whole day with me. And we kissed. I thought you grew up and matured. It was heaven. You asked if you could see me again really soon before the date even ended. And we saw each other again really soon. Every 5 minutes you would kiss me passionatly. And you wanted to see me multiple times a week. You texted me eveyday. nd after 2 weeks you wanted me to be your girlfriend. I thought it was a little fast but after a few days I agreed.

 

Then it all really slowed down.You weren't kissing me that much, and not passionatly. One day we were walking down the street and you were walking 5 feet in front of me like you didn't know me. You started to not answer your texts right away. And if you responded to my texts it would only be 1-2 words. And you never asked me how my day went. I got frustrated. You said you would be busy or eating or whatever.

 

And then came other things. You said you only wanted to see me once a week now. I wanted twice a week. You said you were going to take this new job and could only see me once a week. But you never took the new job, and you stayed completely unemployed. And yet you still only wanted to see me once a week. There were even times when I asked to see you and you said no. And at times you would cancel on me saying you didn't want to see me because you were tired or busy or it was too hot outside.

 

Then here and there you would make fun of my looks. You said my hair was too thin, i should get my eye brows professionaly done, and asked more than once if I would get breast implants. I got all offended and instead of apologizing you told me I was too sensitive and had no sense of humor. YOU are not perfect yourself. You are short and have the smallest you-know-what and yet I would NEVER make fun of you.

 

And then you started talking about ex-girlfriends a lot. Saying how you had a dream about your ex and you woke up crying. Said you have a crush on this girl and that one. Said how you still had you ex's things in your bedroom. Said how bad she hurt you. Comparing me to her. Saying he wish he could do certain things with me that he did with her. Really?

 

And then other put-downs from you. I have my BA and MA degrees which I am proud of and you tell me I don't like to learn and that I'm not motivated enough. Really? And then you criticize my career choice saying my degrees are useless.

 

Then the lack of communication. I gret frustrated when we don't talk enough. You answer my texts with 1-2 words, dont ask about my day, and if we talk on the phone we only talk for 5 minutes. I get frustratedd and then you get mad at ME. for what??? I just want to talk to you!

 

Finally, it bugs me that you think I am so not perfect and I irritate you and annoy you. How do I annoy you? Because I want to talk to you and see you? You say Im insceure. UGH YEAH ANYONE WOULD BE INSECURE IF THEIR BOYFRIEND TREATED THEM LIKE THAT.

 

Recently I was struck by a speeding bicycle that went through red light. I was in the hospital for 4 days. Had a skull fracture, a torn ligament in my neck, and my nose was fractured. You didn't visit me in the hospital. OK, i get you don't have car. Thats ok. But you didn't even text or call me! And you didn't send me anything. And then you said it was my fault (it wasn't), and that I should grow thicker skin and get over it. Really? You had no empthay! AND then you refused to see me because I have to wear a neckbrace!!!!

 

And you know what? YOU are the one in THERAPY. You even admitted that you have anger issues and emotional problems that you project onto me. And I was wiling to STAY with you despite your problems. And yet I am the one who got dumped when I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. I gave you chance after chance and yet you dumped me? You dumped me because I was a little mad that you weren't talking to me?

 

--------------------------

 

 

Now what do you all think? Would make me feel better if i got some feed back. I know this is my 3rd post about this guy.. i still need to talk,

[metrogirl]

Ok you got it all out, now just destroy the letter or save it on your hard drive, but don't send it. He knows all these things that you are telling him. He's heard it from you, the letter doesn't change anything. Keep writing and tucking them away as a form of therapy for you, but don't send it.

[Batya33]

Yes, great advice - you're not going to get the type of reaction you want from him especially since he knows you were willing to see him again and be with him again despite how he treated you. I hope writing the letter helps you move on. Many people do not show their true colors until after 2-3 months of dating or longer.

[ut804]

i knoww.. i wish i could say it all but i think i probably said most of it to him. its just not fair i gave it my all and he treated me like that and now he just dumped me. and i am still dealing with my injuries, just a bad time in my life. guys alsways leave me at the worst times. i feel like i can;t trust anyone. i always give it my best and this just keeps happening. even when i play it cool and let the guy do whatever he still leaves. i feel so dumb for giving him chance after chance. he dumped me for what? what did i do??? i guess i am always attracted to the wrong guys. my one ex had bipolar, another asperger's and depression, and this guy has ADHD and anger issue.

 

im tired of being so nice and willing to work things out and give it my best and be all polite and be caring and giving and loving JUST to be s*** on

 

i mean i give up on him. i just still need to vent to people, just i won't contact him.

 

thank you girls again

[sada88]

Are you in therapy? Normally at the root of the troubled relationships there is normally a core problem. It could be that you never resolved your relationship with your parents. Or one of your parents was away or detached or something. Or you are just one of those people who enjoy fixing others. But if you want to find a sustainable relationship, I guess right now would be the best time to explore yourself.

[Batya33]

This isn't every time -it's a huge risk to date someone who broke up with you in the past because you wouldn't have sex with him. I tried that once - a year or two later, he said he wanted to date me, this time sex if/when I felt comfortable. That lasted about three dates until the pressure was on again. I wasn't heartbroken - I kept my distance emotionally those first few dates in case things had not changed.

 

I hope you feel better very soon!

[ut804]

Are you in therapy? Normally at the root of the troubled relationships there is normally a core problem. It could be that you never resolved your relationship with your parents. Or one of your parents was away or detached or something. Or you are just one of those people who enjoy fixing others. But if you want to find a sustainable relationship, I guess right now would be the best time to explore yourself.

 

you know what it is... i was picked on my entire childhood (because my hair was thin and i didnt't wear designer clothes and i had glasses and braces). i never fit in. its like no one accepted me. i got so depressed i was in therapy and in a mental hospital for a week because they thought i was suicidal.

so thats why i am attracted to men who are "different". i like guys who are unique and different because i feel like these guys would accept me. or if somone had a difficult childhood its like i can relate to them better and they could relate to me. and they wouldnt judge me because they went through the same. or maybe i just can't attract someone normal??? i dont know

[sada88]

PM me, we'll talk

[ut804]

PM me, we'll talk

 

ok just did, thanks

[dodgedabullet]

Ok, I think I "get" this loser. He is / was jealous of you because of your education. Stay away from people like him. He is just trying to bring you down to his level. You are way too good for him.