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Broke NC-- can I go back?


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My ex destroyed my heart a little over a month ago. I made it the first two weeks NC, which he knew I wanted, because it was gonna be hard for me to be friends or talk without letting my feelings get in the way. I broke NC at 2 weeks because I was LIVID to find out he might be fooling around with this married coworker of his that he promised me for months wasn't a love interest. (I still don't know the truth there, it's all shady). I went by his house to get some things that I NEEDED to get back.


I thought I'd never hear from him again and vowed to go NC again. Two days later he emailed me to explain why he was spending so much time with this girl. I replied, and we have exchanged a few emails since. The last two were very friendly and conversational, much like our emails used to be when we dated all last year. I haven't answered his email from a couple days ago.



I'm afraid if I don't answer the emails... he's going to forget about me. If he IS dating this girl, and he doesn't hear from me, he may forget how great *I* am and move on completely. The email contact has not kept me from healing-- I think NC totally would make it WORSE for me. But I can't keep flip flopping and being flaky about NC because then I look like I'm playing games.


Should I answer, or just wait for him to make contact again and THEN decide what to do? He has initiated ALL email contact after me initially getting my things back, and he says he may be coming to a local concert that MY friend's band is putting on in a couple weeks. He obviously isn't ready to let me go... but I don't wanna be strung along either.

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You're right, it does look like you are playing games when you go back and forth with NC. You are "shady" about his relationship with the other girl possibly because he is playing games also. I think you should wait for him to make contact with you again, if he loves you he will make contact. You have to also think about if you can trust him again, since he already destroyed your heart once.

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Yes the trust thing would be a major issue. It would take a lot of work on his part to restore that-- especially because when he left me, it was only because he wasn't sure he wanted to ever remarry again. He would have to prove that he has done some serious self-exploration.


In a recent email, he told me he had decided to go get counseling. This was something i suggested at the BU and when I broke NC, because he told me he was still "broken" and unsure if marriage was even a positive thing anymore. I was very pleased to hear he took my advice, and I told him so in one of the recent emails. He is exhibiting some truly erratic behavior (getting wild haircuts and piercings, while he's a professional) and he has told me in the last few months he's depressed.


I think moreso than anything I don't want to come accross as playing games because he is SO confused about himself right now. I know I either need to be LC or NC... I can't teeter between both. Being that he's a guy that doesn't like games-- I don't want to push him over the edge by seeming to play games. I guess I just have to wait and see what happens, continue moving forward toward my new life, and address reconciliation if it ever DID come.


Thanks for your input!

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