Friendship

[Buttercup21]

I have been best friends with her for 7 years. Now i think she feels she has to tell me her every move and I feel the same. I like my friend and I like having someone to talk to about things but now i feel i don't have a private life. I also feel I have to watch what I say to her as we are both super sensitive and can take things up wrong.

 

Like the other day she asked what i was wearing going to this place and told her. I described jumper I was wearing and said to my man betcha she will wear same jumper. and she went in to shops and did get a very similar jumper.

 

I dont lik to copy her, and i dont like being copied at all.. i like my own style..its really annoying but I just leave it go to avoid argument over something stupid.

 

she seems to have change over the last 2years, she used to be always happy carefree and less sensitive...its really only recently I feel I have no life without her...I feel we are in competition with clothes and looks and its annoying. Its wrecking my head.. I dont feel im my own boss anymore. I do watch what i say to her now and lately I just dont look forward to doing things with her cuz i watchn what i say and do...

 

the other day her boyfriend cudnt go to wedding so she asked me..i didnt want to go..so i cudnt sleep the nite before cuz i wanted to say no...learning to gain control of me again..so I said no...i was worried shed be odd..an i think she was bit mad but she didnt pretend she was...Im glad i said no so now I know I can say no..

 

she odd with me once for the way I got my hair done at wedding..cuz she wanted that and swear now I did not copy her, thats just the way I wanted it done.she gave me dirty looks and all..then i said to her and she denied the dirty looks..and one of our other friends she was odd defo bout hair.

 

I just want to do something private and I feel i have to tell her. she feels she has to tell me too tho. I dont know if this is healthy. It doesnt feel right.

 

My confidence nocked I told her once that she has changed and that i dont feel comfortable in case she gets odd. I actually thing Im in fear. Maybe its just me and Im super sensitive, maybe its my imagination i dont know at all. Please just talk to me and advise.

[waltwhit]

It's difficult, but sometimes in life we have to let people go from our lives. This, to me, sounds like that type of situation.

 

I would suggest talking to her about these things but two things prevent me from suggesting that:

1. You said she gets sensitive and approaching her with things like this could and most likely would turn into an argument

2. The line you wrote "...learning to gain control of me again..."

 

There is the issue of letting this one go from your life, since being friends with her seems like a drain on you. But, it is important to realize that it is very likely that if you do take her out of your life, there is very likely to be someone else you will meet or that will come back into your life that makes you feel the same way.

 

Why? Because, in order for us to stay in a situation (and you say you have been friends with her for 7 years) one of two things must be occurring. Either we are not aware that we are in a situation that is harming/hurting/or is not beneficial to us OR there is a part of us (subconsciously) that wants or needs the treatment we are receiving.

 

It sounds to me like you are already aware that the situation you are in with her is harmful to you. So, I would ask you to examine yourself and see why you may actually enjoy this interaction on some level. A lot of times it goes back to our early childhood - was there anyone in your life when you were very young that made you feel the same way (IE: Controlled)? If you can become aware of how and why you are enjoying this experience, you will immediately either lose her from your life or she will suddenly begin to change her behavior. I know it sounds weird, but I assure you it is true. Our minds are amazingly powerful things, and whatever our subconscious mind wants or believes is going to happen will happen. Our subconscious mind attracts things and people to us. So, change your mind - change your world.

 

 

[Buttercup21]

it doesnt sound weird. It makes lot sense. I am vulnerable person. years ago when I was a child I had the same situaution and I told that girl i didnt want to be friends anymore and it worked. She left and It made things alot better. It feels like the same situation. I do feel controlled. I have spoken to her about this. I told her she changed. I told her that I have to watch what I say to her. I finally pulled up the courage and told another friend we have in common. She said she know what im talking about but she had no idea that i was feeling this way. She said that my best friend is going around with a chip on her shoulder, you cant say a thing to her and she snaps. Like eg. She said to her that we were going for a walk and the other close friends said i cant come. She said I never asked you to come I was just telling you. Like pointless snappy answers. So that was a big relief that my other friend had similar experiences with her. She said i have way more dealings with her. Its not that i dont want to be her friend, she is angry inside at something. Everyone blames her boyfriend who gets odd with her over silly things and its bit of control freak himself. I noticed an improvement between us and i think shes noticed herself(well shed want to shes the one feeling bad right?) Yes I know this...change your mind thing...it does work alrite but sometimes you get into negative frequency and its hard to get back up there.