LN1987 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Hi all. I am just wondering what your opinions are on this. I have had a hard time since my BU as I'm sure some of you know. The fact however is that towards the end of our relationship ( maybe even the last 6 months) my ex rarely made me feel secure, loved, or relaxed. When I was worried about something relating to our relationship, he would get angry and frustrated, rather than having a good old relaxed talk about things. I got increasingly worried about 'us' and he came to be resentful. If your partner can't make you feel secure, so much so that you start getting worked up about little things, is it a sign that they never could have been the right one? I loved this person a lot, but he was rarely affectionate, never told me he loved me, was more interested in himself than me, and he made me feel really insecure about his love. I was unhappy for the last 3 months but still wonder if he could have ever met my needs, or was it (and always will be) a relationship that was not the right fit? Link to comment
Oasiswater Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 The long and short of it is that if someone wants to make a relationship work, they will whole-heartedly hear your concerns, and actively try to address them. If they don't do this, you're better off without them. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 was more interested in himself than me This is the bottom line. An "all about me" person is not relationship material. Yes, we all have to look out for ourselves..but people who truly love their partner will make sure that partner feels the love. Whenever I see Prince William and Catherine together you can see the love and connection between the two of them..it is apparent in their body language and glances. I have seen other couples like that as well...not the showy overly affectionate PDA couples..but the ones who are more discreet because they are beyond the showy infatuation stage and take pleasure in just being together and sharing life together. Link to comment
GrowingIn Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Very true crazyaboutdogs. My ex was exactly like this. Very selfish. Though it doesn't always mean it wasn't the right fit. It just means they didn't/couldn't love you then and most people only get one chance. In my case, it was her past, timing(I was the rebound) and trust issues. But yeah, she wasn't relationship material while with me and if she never changes she probably never will be. Because while from my experience with her I can easily say she's not relationship material, you always have to wonder if they were like that with you, or are they always like that. Link to comment
sada88 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I think they'll be selfish till they find the one person they love. Link to comment
LN1987 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 you always have to wonder if they were like that with you, or are they always like that. This is the thing that kills me inside... When we started he did show a lot of affection and love... I hate to think he would be like that forever with someone else, or if he will always tire and turn on his true colours after that 4-6 month period.... Link to comment
endy Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 This is the thing that kills me inside... When we started he did show a lot of affection and love... I hate to think he would be like that forever with someone else, or if he will always tire and turn on his true colours after that 4-6 month period.... LN patterns repeat themselves in relationships like this. Figure out why you chose someone like this. You were right to ask the question you did at first. It's exactly correct. Obviously he was single when you met him right? He will be like that until he changes for himself. So you know what you have to do. A lot of people do this. It's just the wrong ideal of love he has. YOU make sure you have the right one dear. That's all you need to worry about. You know I've always been honest with you. You're going to do much better than him dear. Keep your head up. It's obvious that he's not the right one for anyone right now isn't it? Really look at it that way, and you'll start moving on. It's not that you weren't good enough. I know from all of the posts etc that you are. Deep down you know you are too. Just get back to that place again. Stop doubting yourself and keep telling yourself you're good enough. Love yourself, you're definitely worth it. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I think they'll be selfish till they find the one person they love. Selfish people usually remain selfish in their relationships, no mattter who the person is. Sure they may tone themself down for a while during the "I am madly in love with you" phase of the relationship. But over time they revert back to type. It is a character issue..chances are they exhibit that same selfish behaviour with regards to other interpersonal relationships as well. Link to comment
dolorosa Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Love all your posts! The long and short of it is that if someone wants to make a relationship work, they will whole-heartedly hear your concerns, and actively try to address them. If they don't do this, you're better off without them. Link to comment
hello678 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 What you described are basically the signs of a dying relationship. Whether they happen over 6 months or 6 weeks it doesn't necessarily matter. Its always the same, reduced care, reduced sex life, inability to want to fix things, lack of fun or real connection etc etc. Your in love with a person that no longer exists. Morn their death and move on. Link to comment
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