Advice for a failing relationship

[waitforme]

So me and my boyfriend have been together for three years. There are two kids involved, one that is mine from a previous marriage and one that is between us both. Things were great at first and he was sweet, loving, and amazing. Then fights started and it continually got worse. He even started getting violent at some point but he stopped recently. However, it's now gotten to where he doesn't kiss me or hug me, doesn't do anything intimate with me, etc. I feel like he's a roommate more than a boyfriend or SO. He plays videogames, goes to work, and sleeps. That's it. I go to school full time to make our lives better but he degrades that by saying I do nothing. I don't know if I should stay with him, but I have nowhere else to go. Since I go to school and he works, if I leave him I have no income and have two kids to take care of alone. But we don't even sleep in the same room anymore. He says he loves me but doesn't show it. He says that he is punishing me for being horrible girlfriend to him and that is why he doesn't give me any attention or intimacy. He told me that I don't deserve it. He also always says that I should leave if I am unhappy. He says he doesn't care and I made the relationship like this. I am so unhappy but I have five years left of school and cannot take care of my kids if I leave. I have no family that will help me. But this is destroying me. He says he loves me everyday but then ignores me and neglects me and calls me names when I complain about it. I do not know what to do. How can he love me if there is no love or intimacy anymore in our relationship. We are both only 24 years old. He says he is planning on marrying me and having more children, but that makes me laugh! If things are this horrible, why would I marry him? I told him I can't be in a loveless relationship and he just tells me that I made it like that. What should I do?

I should also add that when things were good, he had 500 dollars put away for an engagement ring. He blew it all and I had to find out myself. When I did, things erupted into a fight and he blamed it on me, saying that every time I annoyed him or acted like a b****, he went out and spent some of it. So it was my fault the money was gone. Things got horrible since that moment.

[Blue Skittles]

This is not your fault and he is trying to put all the blame on you. Its not fair. I don't know what the solution is. It sounds to me like he wants you to initiate more and give him more love and attention but he is asking for it in such a way that it is only pushing you further and further apart. I would suggest going to couples counselling to work on communication before throwing in the towel. If things don't improve, and you are still not happy, maybe its not worth it anymore. I will also suggest that in the meantime you stop looking to him to make you happy and start doing things to make yourself happy. Go get your hair done, go shopping, get a pedicure, start jogging, I don't know, whatever it is that turns your crank. You need to inject some happiness into your own life right now so that your children can have a positive and happy mother.

[confused1607307390]

its shocking how in general people can give advice to someone on something,and see clearly what they think that person should do,and be in more or less the exact same situation themselves but not know what to do.. reading your post was like reading what i am thinking, i am in the same situation except only one child (between us both) and he hasnt ever been violent, hes cheated and broken my heart and hes abusive in the emotional way and lacking any affection towards me, calls me names and slags me when i try talk about needing more affection, saying we're not school kids we don't need to be kissing and cuddling... so as i give my advice i do feel abit like a hypocrite as i for some reason cant follow my own advice... but what id say to you is if you are unhappy then leave, try see is there financial aid you could qualify for being a single mother in school, see is there maybe a friend you could stay with for awhile while you sort things out, set out a proper schedule with him so that the responsibility of minding your child isn't all left to you, there has to be someway of getting by by yourself, whatever you do i agree with skittles, you need to find something to make yourself happy, you only live once and for no reason in the world should you make your one chance be an unhappy one. and as for marraige i wouldnt go near that road until he has made a continuous effort for a very good length of time.... i know how hard it is and i know that no matter what anyone says to you it will take you seeing it for yourself before you can emotionally do anything about it.... wish you the best of luck, and hopefully he'll just cop on to what he has.

[bulletproof]

1. He even started getting violent at some point but he stopped recently.

2. he doesn't kiss me or hug me, doesn't do anything intimate with me, etc.

3. he degrades that by saying I do nothing.

4. we don't even sleep in the same room anymore.

5. He says that he is punishing me for being horrible girlfriend to him and that is why he doesn't give me any attention or intimacy

6. He told me that I don't deserve it.

7. He says he doesn't care and I made the relationship like this.

8. He says he loves me everyday but then ignores me and neglects me and calls me names when I complain about it.

 

This is pretty much emotionally, verbally, and potentially (again) physically abuse. You need to end this relationship. If not for yourself, but for your children, because they're witnessing this every day and they will grow up to think that this is okay, and end up in horrible relationships themselves. I realize that you want to finish school but you might have to work for a while to get on your feet. There are plenty of resources for people in your position, so start researching as quickly as you can.