Problems with sex after having a baby.

[Proudmummy11]

Hi, i had our first baby 4 months ago, and about 4/5 weeks after the birth we started to have sex again, and even had some of the best sex we have ever had. This only lasted a couple of weeks however and since then my sex drive is almost non- existant. My daughter sleeps through the night, so the reason isn't that i'm tired. It's nothing to do with my feelings for my partner changing either as i still love and fancy him like mad!! He still turns me on, and sometimes i will get a little horny, but when it comes to having a orgasm i can't do it, i also often just start to feel uncomfortable sometimes when we start to get into penetration. I do still feel a little consious of my body, and feel that i do still need to loose some weight and i am paranoid that i'm not as tight as i used to be.

 

This is getting us both so down that after us having a go this evening i ended up crying and it's getting my partner down too, not that we aren't having much sex, that our connection with sex is just not there at the minute, but we both want it to be!! Another slight problem is that, although he used to manage to last a long time, at the moment he's not lasting very long and can't control himself. He fears that he needs to loose some weight too.

 

We've decided to try over the weekend to take it real slow and try and make it last all night, just starting off with the odd kisses, etc.

 

Any advice as to what we should do?

 

We are madly in love with each other, we just don't know how to get back on track!

xx

[siktomystomach]

First of all i applaude you both for making such an effort!!! So just realize you have step one out of the way! Now what I'm going to say is coming an experience with my ex fiance....basically it was the same thing..weve actually talked about it somewhat recently.....she had no sex drive whatsoever after our son..while she was pregnant she was pretty much constantly aroused...she went from that to nothing seemingly overnight..I also couldnt last very long after that..and I know thats due to us not having sex for 6 weeks or so..So he will go back to normal pretty soon with nothing to worry about...now she was very worried about her appearance even tho she had a very nice body, even after the baby...yes it wasnt as fit as it was before but still attractive. no matter what i told on how good she looked she was still insecure about it. soooooo..she tried to drop a couple pounds, which she did, but she bought a really sexy corset and my oh my that turned it up a notch...so she would wear that from time to time when we had sex until she was comfortable again and thats all she wrote..it all went very well! just a thought!!!

[partydelights]

Hi Proudmummy11,

(I'm answering from the standpoint of a male)

 

Personally, I don't think both of you are having any health issue, unless you are suffering from post-natal depression (you may like to consult a doctor to confirm).

 

You did not describe much foreplay both of you might be engaging in. This might be a reason why you fail to O.

 

Why not try the following:

1) Come to an agreement on some naughty "code words" so that when either of you use it during the day, it means wanting to do it at night. This will offer the mindset for both of you to begin the following foreplay during the day.

 

2) During the day, dress up for one another on day-to-day chore. Go shopping, both of you. Buy sensual lingerie for each other. Yes, ask your husband to buy clothes HE likes you to wear, and your buy for him.

 

3) Do some "naughty" acts during the day. For example, feel free to grab his b*tt when you enters the restaurant for dinner; Grab his hand and place it on a sensual part of you; Hold hands in public; flirt with each other in front of waitress; lift your feet and place on his pe**s and expect him to do likewise to you when seated on a table; the list goes on. Be creative, search for ideas on the Internet, talk to you husband about it.

 

4) Night time at home, depending on both your likings, decide to change to night clothes or no clothes. Shower/bath together, take it slow, take turn to lather foam on each other, pay attention to the head (shampoo), back, feet, and of course, down there.

 

5) Remember to scent your room whenever possible. If you have not fit warm light, try get it done. Material is too expensive. Make sure you burn a few hours of CD/DVD with musics both of you like. Play it at least 2 hours before "bed-times". (My personal likings is to snack on the bed together.)

 

6) Don't get down to business when the time comes. French kisses frequently. Yes, I meant french kisses, hold for at least 10 seconds each kiss. In between, ask your husband to give you a 20-30 minutes NON-SEXUAL full body massage (this means touch everywhere except down there). A good bottle of massage oil can do miracles. At the end of this, do the "final touch up" on you know where. Tell your husband how you like it touched and be affirmative about it. Tell him "yes, here", "harder", "again", hold his hand and rub you to ecstasy if he's not sure. Please DO NOT O because he'll be disappointed if you do (unless he's prepared for it).

 

7) You will know when you're ready. Since you experience the problem of O, try new positions like reverse missionary (woman on top) or reverse cowgirl (woman on top, but turn other direction). These positions allows you to adjust the speed and intensity. It facilitates you to O.

 

Final words: Communication. We men are pigs. We only know how to "poke in" and O. You must let us know EVERYTHING so that we can bring you to O. Good luck.

[lavenderdove]

Are you still breast feeding? that can sometimes depress your hormones and make you less interested in sex.

 

Sex isn't about a hard body if two people love each other. Sex is a wonderful pleasure to be shared, and if you worry about being 'tight' or whatever, you're just ruining it for yourself and your partner. Remember, you're both going to age and change over time, and if what you have is good together, neither of you will care.

 

He's probably not lasting long because you aren't having frequent sex and he's excited. So you need to quite focusing so much on the 'act' or how you look, and just start out holding hands and making out like teenagers. Really enjoy each other and the sensual pleasure of it. Buy some sexy lingerie so you don't feel so self conscious about your weight gain. You don't even have to take all your clothes off to have great sex.

[Kitkat973]

There are things that you can do to address some of the specific physical issues that you're having. Desensitizing cream for him might make it easier for him to last through sex, or potentially a * * * * ring. If you're relying solely on manual stimulation to achieve orgasm, then consider looking into vibrators. There are even those that can be worn during penetrative sex.