Remembering just how screwed up my ex gf actually was, instead of good times

[Hatetolove]

Well my ex dumped me about two weeks ago. I cant believe it already been that long. Anyways, it was out of no where. She had a studio and i moved in with her, and then we were decided to find a bigger apartment bc it was too small. We were driving eacho other crazy in there. I started to get skeptical and told her that i didnt think that living with eacho other was such a good idea. She insisted, and said "baby, its bc we have been living in a studio together. Anyone would get sick of each other, it will get better."

 

So i believed her. THings were getting REALLY SOUR though. BUT, i knew that what she said was true. So i pulled through. We talked later and i said that we just need to be able to talk about our problems and be more productive with our arguments and learn to come to common ground. She agreed. The next day, she went to lunch with her cousin (woman who is older, married with children, married to an actor, never lifted a finger in her life) and after the lunch i called her on my break at work. And she was sounding kind of weird, and i asked what was wrong, and suddenly she said "i cant be with you anymore" and said that we would talk later. We never did. I begged once. She said no. And i havent talked to her since. She said that it wasnt working blah blah blah although she just said to me that it was bc of the studio. What happened was her cousin asked how things were between us, and im guessing my ex told her all of the fights wed been having, and the cousin just told her that she needed to end it.

 

Havent talked to her, except for an email i sent her to clear the air. Just so that there is peace between us. It was mainly to make myself feel better, which it did. I never want to get back with this woman. to just turn her back on me like this. Dont even want to talk about this more than i already am. Anyways.....

 

she is a racist. I am filipino and she is white. She said i am the only non white person she has ever been attracted to. My little 13 year old brother had a mexican girlfriend, and she said this. "your brother is dating a mexican? think about it. If you and i get married. What if he is attracted to mexicans and marrys one. That means that i would have mexicans in my family." crazy right?

 

another argument that i cant stop thinking about. She always acts like she better than everyone else. I think this conversation started after she cut someone off in the car, and acted like it was the other persons fault. I told her that she thinks she is better than everyone else and deserves better. she responded saying... "well, i kind of am. sorry, people just dont have any drive, and im going to do big things. ALso, people are so rude and selfish" and then i just told her that she becomes one of those people that she hates and makes her just as worse as "them" i personally dont think there is anything wrong with the general public. Unless of course you are a murderer etc. i dont know. no ones going to read this. but if you did. any opinions on this as a whole? i just needed to vent.

[Hatetolove]

there are so many more things that she did. those are just two arguments that i have been thinking about this mornign. she was also physically and verbally abusive. Sometimes when we would fight, she would tell me that she wanted to kill herself. She mistaked alot of her (exxternal from the relationship) stress for stress only from our little fights and she would say terrible things. also when she allowed herself to get upset she would hit me sometimes. One time she made my lip bleed, and a nose bleed several other times. Believe me. They were all during little little fights over nothing. She just didnt know how to deal with stress and vented it on me. She felt better blaming me for ALL of the stress that comes from her streessful life.

 

 

another thing. she said that she had concerns about hasving children with me becuase they wouldnt look like her. i mean. Is that normal?

[DN]

She was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive, a snob, a racist and not very intelligent.

 

Congratulations on dodging that bullet.

[Cloud9riddim]

Hatetolove ... use this opportunity to grow. Sometimes we don't pay attention to the negative aspects of the relationship until we are no longer in it. My ex was emotionally absuive but I let it slide every time. Give yourself time to heal and you'll understand why you are better off.

[Hatetolove]

i know that im better off. Its funny because im just starting to remember exactly why we shouldnt be together. Although i relaized it before, it was only in the sense that i wanted us both to be happy and being together wouldnt bring us that. But now, i am jsut realizing that she is not someone i would want to be with anyways.She actually is very intelligent, but isnt very wise lol. Bless her heart. Theres billions of potential women out there and there i was settling for less.

[GrowingIn]

You have learned a universal truth my friend as I have when dating my ex. A man will stick with a woman for years sometimes a lifetime without her ever working. A woman will NEVER do the same thing. EVER, ever, ever. This is all she's going to hear from her friends and family: "you're dating a loser" and pretty soon that's how she'll think too. The only difference between one woman or the other is time line. Mine gave me 2 months. Good to know earlier before later, trust me. On top of that, when you take care of a woman, you feel good and they love it. When they take care of you, they feel resentful, they will NOT respect you, and you're going to feel like crap! And if she ever tells you, I'd stick by you as long as it takes as long as I see you are trying: it doesn't matter if you are trying your best, it matters what they think trying your best should be. It doesn't matter if you think you have a good job. It matters if they think you have a good job.

 

Live and learn.

[Hatetolove]

this is true.. although , of course not ALL women are like this atleast i hope not. BUT this was very true with my ex. for her, IT was all about her, and honestly for me, it was all about her. Instead of caring for my feelings and being assertive with what i wanted i got so conditioned in my decisions and emotions to the point of where i lost who i was. I was just a man puppet who did everything he could to make HER happy. which is why it might not be SOOOOo hard for me to move on. It only gets easier when you come to accept thigns for what they really are and not let your emotions (which blind you) get in the way of logical thinking. THINKING FOR YOURSELF AND SEEING WHAT WILL ULTIMATELY MAKE YOU HAPPY. definitely not going to be happy by staying with a woman who will be bothered by having a child with me bc of its skin color

[Hatetolove]

another funny thing about racism from her "think of all the other cultures that come here and screw up america. Its the white people that are making america better. Not the mexicans or black people that are ruining the streets and commiting crimes"

 

nice. I mean people can believe what they want, but where im from (los angeles) its just not normal. You have to accept people for who they are because if you dont, it will only make your life worse. I obviously accepted her for who she was.

[GrowingIn]

When you or I find the one that's not like that we'll let each other know..... as long as I have internet in heaven.

[lulu87]

Hatetolove, your experience is so similar to mine! I lived with my ex bf, who broke up with me 3 weeks ago, in an efficiency apartment while we were in college. We fought constantly because we had no privacy, couldn't watch what we wanted on tv, fought over where to put belongings (I couldn't put a magazine on the coffee table without being accused of making a mess, for example). I couldn't sleep if he was up watching tv or playing xbox. It was a nightmare. We always bickered a little bit but it really increased dramatically once we moved from our old place (an on-campus apartment, much larger) to the tiny apartment. He really showed his true colors and is just a nasty mean person. We agreed that it would be best for me to move back with my parents until he graduated in December, and he would live in the apartment alone for the fall semester. The week after we moved home for the summer he broke up with me with very little explanation other than that we "had a bad relationship". This was after at least 20 conversations about how we know things will get better once we aren't in that apartment, and that he won't break up with me!

 

His cousin has two children with a black father, and he would make comments about that. I asked him what the problem is, and he said "Well now I have black people in my family!" I was disgusted by that. He made fun of gay people, knowing that my best friend is gay. In fact, whenever I mentioned him in conversation, he felt the need to make it clear that I was talking about my "supergay best friend".

 

He thinks he is superior to everyone. At first, apparently I was in an elite group of people that are good enough to associate with him, but as time went on I got the feeling that I was being looked down on by him. He was patronizing to me, and so was his father. My ex would tell me "Good girl" like I was a dog.

 

If he got cut off in traffic, just like your ex, he would curse and blame it on the other person. One time he ran a stop sign and almost got t-boned by a bus (which probably would have killed me!) and he told me to shut the f*** up when I got upset. It was the bus driver's fault in his mind.

 

People like that aren't worth the effort. They don't learn from their mistakes because they refuse to accept responsibility for anything. Everything is someone else's fault and they think other people are weaker and inferior with them. They are the weak ones.

[Oasiswater]

"well, i kind of am. sorry, people just dont have any drive, and im going to do big things. ALso, people are so rude and selfish"

 

My jaw just about hit the ground when I read this, because I just got out of a relationship with a woman who told me that every single day. "I've surpassed you in life," "I'm a blooming flower and you're nothing but a blade of grass." "I'm going somewhere with my life, I have big things ahead of me." "Go ahead and dump me, so you can get on with your lowly life."

 

How absolutely disgusting. I don't have anything constructive to add... but ew. People who say things like that really make me sick.

[lulu87]

OMG! I had to laugh at "I'm a blooming flower and you're nothing but a blade of grass."

 

What a ridiculous thing to say. That's pretty melodramatic!

[strawberryjell]

Wow hearing about how horrible your exes were reminds me of how horrible mine was! I admit, I was not the best girl to date in the beginning, but I learned and grew from my mistakes...he never saw that. When I felt bad because I felt he wasn't making any effort in the relationship, he would call me "crybaby" and "crazy". And he told me he would let go of the bad past because I'm better now. Now I know he genuinely didn't see it....ugh I grew up so much and he...well...didn't. By the way, I'm Filipina

[Hatetolove]

Wows..... I was considering breaking no contact until I re read my old thread. Almost forgot how bad it was

[italiannmf24]

Well, she doesn't sound like the type of person I'd like to be with, or anyone else for that matter.

 

It'd probably be good to vent as much as possible, but keep it all inside your head and on this site.

 

It shouldn't be too hard to move on from such an abusive, argumentative relationship.

[Thorshammer]

Sounds a bit like my experience. I kept saying it was the fact that we didnt have money to go out. And she also thought she deserved better in life, and was better than most, and she would get real jealous of what other people were doing or accomplishing.

 

My ex went to miami and i think she spilled her troubles to her "new friends". She saw a new single life, and i believe had her head filled, and that gave her the final push to let me go.

 

Everything else you said is woaaaaaaah. Let her be someone elses problem. More likely than not she will always be unhappy, and pray for the guy shes with, because he will be pushed left and right with her. Sometimes I wish there was more bad in my ex so i can hang on to that and move on.