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Led on by best friend. Now what?


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So I 've known this girl since the summer of 2007 and we liked each other when we first met, but nothing ever came of it and we've been best friends ever since. Through the past few years I've date other people and she has too, but I always had a thing for her I guess and the thought of us going out was in the back of my head. Last summer she broke up with her first boyfriend and they were together for almost 2 years, and I was there for the breakup and everything and we started spending a lot more time together. It's during that time I started to like her again, but I knew I shouldn't ask her out because she had just broken up with her bf and at the end of the summer she was gonna go back to school 5 hours away. We still talked when she went to school and she even came back and visited a few times and it just feels we got a lot closer over that time and I started to fall for her. Our mutual friends tried to tell her that I liked her, but she would always deflect the question or say that I was her best friend and like her brother and would never date me.


Well this summer she came back from school and showed serious interest in us going out. She started flirting heavily with me holding hands, arms around each other, sitting on my lap, texting me all the time all that kind of stuff. Once she even came over and we cuddled in my bed and watched a movie. She even told one of our mutual friends that she was serious about going out with me. Throughout this time however she was still posting Facebook status updates that were obviously about her missing her ex, talking to our other friends about him, and she would even bring it up with me sometimes about how she missed him and wanted to talked to him. I knew this was a big red flag, but I didn't say anything because I really wanted this too work out. Then 2 weeks ago we kissed when we were on the couch at a club with some other friends, and she even asked me what if this doesn't work out, but we got interrupted and stopped talking about it. At this point I thought she was finally willing to see what happens with us and I was going to ask her out that week. So the next couple of days are fine she initiates facebook and text conversations with me and everything, and we even saw a movie with our mutual friends, and she even held my hand during the movie. I texted her the next day to hangout so I could ask her out in person, but then she brought up how she was depressed about her ex again and didn't want to do anything. That's when I realized we needed to talk about things between me and her. The next day I asked her to meet up and talk because it was important, but she said she was going to be at her grandmas house the whole time and busy, but that she would let me know when she would be free to talk. The next day I found out she was lying because me and our other best friend went to go play pool and we picked her up at her house, and she even told me that she was hanging out with another friend that day. So I was already mad that she lied to me and decided to talk to her that night. When I asked her what was up with me and her she said that we were just friends and that it was only one kiss, and she just walked away and got in my friends car and went home. The next day I texted her because we needed to talk in person about this and try and save our friendship, and she just texted me that we were just friends and that she thought we could be more, but she couldn't get past seeing me as a friend and that she kissed me because she was curious and that it was wrong of her to do and that she was sorry. The rest of the text convo was basically me trying to get her to talk to me in person, but she wouldn't and I ended it by saying that if she still wants to be my friend she has to talk to me in person so we could talk and that we couldn't be friends until she did. Then two days later I sent her a FB message because she was going to Hawaii for two weeks and I just felt like I needed to say something to her. In the message I basically told her that I was hesitant about asking her out because of how she felt about her ex still and I wanted to wait until she was over him until anything happened with us, and that it felt like she was just leading me on this whole time because she still wasn't over her ex. At the end I told her we need to sort out and fix our friendship and that it was up to her to talk to me then I deleted her off facebook and haven't talked to her since, but she is coming back from Hawaii next week.


Right now I don't know what to do or if me and her can still be friends. It's like she was going to just go back to being just friends without talking about anything and pretending like nothing happened. I'm mad at her because she knew I had feelings for her and she still tried to go out with me even though she still wasn't over her ex, and just basically played me this whole time. I want to try and fix this, but I just want her to say something about this whole thing because she has just been avoiding the issue every time I try and talk to her about it, and part of me wants to know if she had any feelings for me at all. I'm confused about his whole thing right now, and was wondering if anybody might have any idea what she's thinking and what should I do now?


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It sounds like you recognized all the red flags, but chose to ignore them and went after her anyway. Yes, it was wrong of her to play with your emotions like that but you weren't exactly keeping your guard up either. Next time you see the signs, don't ignore them.

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