What if the "break up" is the Dumpee's fault, who should be convincing who??

[Amarte]

Ok, simple question..if everything is going ok, and the dumpee does something stupid (like lashing out and rushing things) which upsets the dumper...who should be trying to convince who and how??? If initially he or she was very open to it, how do you get him or her to be open again after you scare them away??](*,)

[blackhawks1287]

It's a break up...it is over...

 

If you have already "scared" them away with constant pleas of how you did them wrong and why, then it it is already too late.

 

Just go NC...and move on...

[Amarte]

I think you are assuming what the pleas were. Actually it was the opposite of what you said, and now I don't know how to correct the mess. But when there is a genuine and sincere interest, its never too late. I believe. Proof is we tried again after 6/7 years, but the shadow from the past made me feel insecure this time around and I sabotaged myself.

[hopelessincan]

It's a break up...it is over...

 

If you have already "scared" them away with constant pleas of how you did them wrong and why, then it it is already too late.

 

Just go NC...and move on...

 

wow. thats pretty harsh. Its not always that black and white. And people come to this forum for hope and advice. If you dont have anything nice to say.....

 

With regards to the original post, you cant really convince anyone to do or think anything that they dont want to. I dont know your details, so cant offer much. i would chill for a bit and play it by ear...

[dramallama]

How exactly was this your fault? How did you lash out and rush things? (short summary please)

 

If you really think about things, and when you look back later, I'm sure you can see actions by your dumper ex that contributed to the break up too.

[sunnz]

amarte read my past posts...I scared my ex away too...but positive things are happening now...he is back in my life talking.. communicating...responding friendly caring...we have agreed to meet etc...the total opposite compared to 3-4 months ago

 

My best advice is change your mindset/behaviour...be positive in any interactions with him...no reactions ...no talking of the past...and there has to be some NC for this to work...

you have to show through your actions...be consistent and really it has to be true...

 

You don't need to convince anything...because your behaviour and your actions should prove this and put back the trust your ex lost with you...

[superfox]

I'm sorry but 'lashing out'? As in violence? Whether the dumpee was male or female the dumper is well shot of them. End of story.

Get help.

[sada88]

I think she meant lash out as in verbally from her other thread.