replytome Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 So basically I implore you to read this thread first which basically was her breaking NC. Throughout the thread there are developments where she contacts more and more until she shows up at my apartment. Yesterday I was out in town with friends, at a place where we always go, and the ex knows I'm there whenever I go out. But then again, usually not on thursdays so she probably didn't expect to run into me? So I was sitting with my friends, and then saw a girl, didn't really strike a chord but then the girl smiled at me and was walking toward me and that's when I noticed that it was my ex. I got a big shock and said ''ffffuuuuckkkk!!'' and looked down on the floor. She walked past. lol. Anyway, it clearly ruined the night for me. After like 10 mins I went to look for her because I was drunk and wanted to see if she was with the rebound guy/guy she left me for, don't know which, or if any at all. I just assumed based on minimal evidence. I saw her downstairs, it was just her and her friend (that had been our guest for a weekend while we lived together) and I stupidly went up to them and said hi and give a kiss each on the cheek, I thought it might show politeness, indifference and maturity? She said ''hi, it's really nice of you to come say hi'' then I said ''of course, i know you guys so...'' then i said how you doin, she said she's good, and then said ''i thought you were in australia'', i said no, i'm leaving on saturday. (if you read the thread you might notice that she knew this already. acting cool and indifferent?) Then I tried saying ''today was my last day at work'' but had to say it 3 times because the music was so loud. I gave up cos she couldn't hear, and I said ok gotta go back to my friends. and left without a hug or anything. Didn't see her for the rest of the night, I stayed with my friends and kind of forgot about her so she might have passed by and stuff, but I stayed till late and she didn't say bye, intimidated maybe. Anyway, for some reason now I'm starting to think that I was imagining that she was trying to open up contact and all that stuff in previous thread, and hence, only imagined my bruised ego being fixed. I don't know why because even yesterday I handled it pretty well. I think it might be because since her last message on FB where she seemed pissed and all, she seemed friendly and ''happy to see me'' yesterday. Maybe acting kind of indifferent. Basically my question is: Was it just an illusion for me or does what is in the last thread and the comments from people still stand? That she was indeed reaching out to me for one reason or another, or was it all about practicalities in the end. And now she's just happy she doesn't have to speak to me again? And did her ego not get bruised like I thought? PS: I'm sorry to make a new thread, but because the last thread is long and I posted this question sort of on that thread, no one even bothers reading it. Thank you so much for making the effort for a dumpee. Link to comment
Zuri Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Hmmmm. I don't think her ego is bruised at all. Seems like she knows you're a good person and maybe has some residual feelings for you. Nothing more. How do you feel? I mean does it matter to you whether she's regretting letting you go? Link to comment
replytome Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 Hmmmm. I don't think her ego is bruised at all. Seems like she knows you're a good person and maybe has some residual feelings for you. Nothing more. How do you feel? I mean does it matter to you whether she's regretting letting you go? Did you read the whole other thread? Because last I heard from her, the message, she said ''you're the last person I want to speak to''... I'm confused, and yes it matters to me. It shouldn't but since my ego was destroyed, it helped me move on. Do you see what I mean though? Nothing actually happened yesterday to make me think that what happened (in other thread) was an illusion. Yet I feel like I just imagined it all, and in reality it wasn't an excuse to contact me. Even though she had said when she broke up (final) ''don't contact me again''. And it just feels weird that it was NC for 2 months, didn't hear from her, didn't run into her or anything. Then for the past 2 weeks I've heard from her and seen her A LOT relatively speaking. Link to comment
replytome Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 Also, she doesn't know I'm a ''good person''. We argued a whole lot and we both got really nasty and abusive to each other. No physical abuse but just putting each other down and saying things for the intent of hurting the other person. We ended on a bad note I guess. Link to comment
Zuri Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Oh yes. I read your thread. I forgot about her saying you're the last person she wants to speak to. Maybe it feeds her ego to know that she broke your heart and for no real reason wants to make sure you're still pining for her. Feeds the ego. Does that make any sense? Link to comment
replytome Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 It makes sense but I've done the exact opposite, I've dismissed her attempts at doing this, and she was obviously shocked and hurt that I wasn't happy to see her and jumping at the opportunity to reconcile, so that she could say no thnks, and reject me again. I rejected her. I don't understand. Everybody else on the other thread thought that she realised she's lost me for good and that it did hurt her ego and everything... Link to comment
Zuri Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Yes. It's confusing. Sorry I can't give you more insight. But hey, at least you're done crying, right? I'd give anything to be at your stage post breakup right now Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I can't see that she broke NC. You say you went and spoke to her. You say you're "not having it", but to me it doesn't look like on this occasion she has done anything except maintain her dignity and treat you politely. The thing is that people can give you all types of advice and commentary, but truth is we don't know her OR YOU. A lot of the time, people can project their thoughts an feelings of their own relationships and partners into their advice, and none of it may hold true for you or your ex. My own thoughts are do you want to know why she behaved as she did because it's very important to you that you feel you have the upper hand. I'm not trying to be mean, but I was sure that in one of your much earlier postings you said that just prior to the breakup you had met up with another woman either in Sweden or she was Swedish, and I thought you were implying you had a fling with her. It's confusing. If that was the case, did your ex ever find out about it? Link to comment
replytome Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 Well if you read the other thread, she did break NC? No, I didn't have a fling with the swedish girl. I could have and was planning to because I knew that my ex (at the time she was stringing me along) would probably leave me or ''cheat''. It was stupid of me, but I was in extreme confusion during the limbo. Anyway, I couldn't do anything because I'm not that kind of guy. After she broke up completely, I did go back to the Swedish girl and did my thing. Just a little fun. No emotions attached on either side. And silverb, why you hating on me? I love you! Link to comment
replytome Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 And btw, on my way out to town tonight, I remembered that she said after i said im going to Oz on saturday: ''i'm really glad you're going btw, i know it's been your dream for so long bla bla bla...'' Basically, when I first said it when she was at the apartment she didn't look very happy about it. I think that last night she was just trying to strike up a nice convo, being all sweet and stuff. Striking, as the last thing she said was that ''you're the last person I want to speak to'' I still have the upper hand. And people, just allow me to feel good about this, I haven't taken advantage of the situation or tried getting any revenge. All I've done is to act indifferent, and I think as a dumpee that has been hurt a lot, I shouldn't feel bad for feeling good because she's trying to start up contact. SilverB, I think I'm falling for you, I'm going to Oz tomorrow, so I'll see you soon love!x Link to comment
giraffegirl Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I think she processed that you were finsihed with her after she showed up at your house, and by the time you saw her out that night , she was "over it", or at least able to put on a front The sooner you get on that plane over here the better. It will all make sene with some distance. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Well if you read the other thread, she did break NC? No, I didn't have a fling with the swedish girl. I could have and was planning to because I knew that my ex (at the time she was stringing me along) would probably leave me or ''cheat''. It was stupid of me, but I was in extreme confusion during the limbo. Anyway, I couldn't do anything because I'm not that kind of guy. After she broke up completely, I did go back to the Swedish girl and did my thing. Just a little fun. No emotions attached on either side. And silverb, why you hating on me? I love you! Oh Bum, I just lost a post so sorry if this posts double. Hey, I'm not hating on you. I LOVE YOU TOO. I would rather just say what I really think that just jump on a bandwagon against her. Well, the Swedish girl thing sounds a bit silly to me, but if that made you happy, well yeah. I have this inkling that you still have feelings for your ex otherwise why would you care less about any of this? Link to comment
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