Is 2 months into a relationship too soon for a weekend getaway without havin sex

[rockerstar]

Okay...I've been going out with this guy now for a month and half and he suggested that for our two month we head out somewhere for the weekend. I was kind of like "oookkkaaayyy". And kind of asked him outright if it was because he wanted to do more during this trip? i.e. sex. We're both still virgins, and I just think its still really too soon. I mean we're still learning about each other. And he was like "no, we don't have to do anything you don't want to do." So I was like..."okay, I wouldn't mind getting away". But now I'm having second thoughts. I'm wondering if it is really too soon to be doing a trip like this? Even though its only going to be for a weekend?

What do you all think?

I need some advice that doesn't involve parents going "it's too soon! You want to save it after marriage!" And my closest friends who kind of think along the same lines. I just need some outside perspective. I like the guy don't get me wrong but....I'm just nowhere near comfortable yet, even approaching sex with him.

[Snowy]

Just make it very clear you're not ready yet, then enjoy the trip.

[Snny]

Trips are nice. However, if you are NOT comfortable, I suggest making separate sleeping arrangements. My personal opinion (take it or leave it)... unless you have known the person for awhile BEFORE dating, then 2 months sharing a room is a little too soon.

[rahulrocks]

@RockerStar

Go with him. Also do not have ideas that you should not have sex with that person. Dont have the ideas like 2 months is too soon. Its all rubbish. There is no authority who has decided a time frame like after 2 years one should have sex.

You see when you are really attracted to some one, you can indulge in sex on the night you see that person and there is nothing wrong about it.

I think you should just enjoy things. Dont have formal planning to have sex, it will just take the thrill out of it. Let the things happen naturally. But also do not forget to take precautions like keep a contracaptive pill with you. Sex without a condom is better then with it.....

Cheerz.

[rockerstar]

Just make it very clear you're not ready yet, then enjoy the trip.

 

I have...but then...I also wonder in the back of my mind what everyone else would think (my friends...he's friends...). I know my friends would know that if I said nothing happened, then nothing happened. But I'm also a bit worried about his. I guess the notion of what my mum said of "honour" and you don't want to seem "easy" is coming to the fore for me now. Which I think at the same time is silly, because he is such a sweet guy...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Forget about what others think. What matters is how comfortable you are. Remember that it is not just the sex issue. There is the issue of being in close quarters with him..sharing the bathroom etc. There are always rooms with two double beds so you don't have to sleep in the same bed. However, are you comfortable with the notion that he will hear your bathroom sounds and you will hear his...what about sleeping sounds...waking up in the morning and not looking your best. This is all part of going away with someone. As long as you are comfortable with these other things, then don't worry about the sex...just because you go away with him doesn't mean you have to have sex. However, having said all that, in case it were to go that route, you might want to make sure there are condoms. In a weak moment, one thing could lead to another and you got to make sure you are protected. Just because they are brought, doesn't mean they have to be used...but it is better to have them around just in case.

[Snowy]

I guess the notion of what my mum said of "honour" and you don't want to seem "easy" is coming to the fore for me now.

 

That's rubbish.

 

You've been going out for 2 months. A trip is not that big of a deal.

[ApocalypseDreams]

I kinda think it would be a bit weird if you went on the trip and then slept in separate beds. If you are not comfortable to share a bed (doesn't mean you will have sex) with him on a weekend away then you probably shouldn't go on a weekend away in the first place. Like someone earlier said, if you do decide to go I'd make it clear to him that you are not ready yet if infact you aren't.

[BriarRose]

I would not go away for the weekend with someone I was not ready to sleep with. But for the record, I don't think 2 months is too soon - but it's your personal decision...no one can tell you what is too soon.

[Batya33]

I would and have -no need for separate beds - sleeping together ,cuddling, being physical/sexual does not need to include sex. I think it's great that you had this frank, direct discussion with him so that there are no misunderstandings.

[BriarRose]

There is no way you are going to share the same bed and end up not having sex. There are other things you can do, of course - but it doesn't sound from your post that you are comfortable being sexually intimate with him yet.

 

I really think a weekend get-away would be better saved for when you are ready for sexual intimacy, but that's just my opinion.

[lavenderdove]

There is nothing wrong with doing anything at all with him, any trips etc., as long as you both understand that there will be no sex involved.

 

But i would stay out of situations that might be frustrating for him, like snuggling in bed together. If someone has been sexually active in the past, spending too much time in sexual situations when you have no intention of following through can be very frustrating for the other person. So you might want to snuggle on the couch, but not get into any kind of extensive make out or snuggling sessions in the bed with him.

[rockerstar]

I would and have -no need for separate beds - sleeping together ,cuddling, being physical/sexual does not need to include sex. I think it's great that you had this frank, direct discussion with him so that there are no misunderstandings.

 

Yes...I love that idea too...we can of already do that already when we hang out at his place. In fact its getting to the point where he doesn't want me to leave! Even if we just spend the whole night cuddling.

@Lavenderdove...I agree but if he is telling the truth then he is also a virgin...so theoretically it shouldn't be "sexually frustrating" for him.

@Crazyaboutdogs....I didn't think of that! The waking up in the morning part....but I think that would be okay...I think I've matured a few bit and I don't think things like that would "freak" me out as much as they would have anymore....also I think that it would have to happen at some stage or another...first time is always the hardest...as I'm finding. :S

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Virgin or no virgin, it can be sexually frustrating being in the same bed and getting all hot and bothered and having no sex. Just because someone has never had sex before doesn't mean their sex drive is blunted and that they won't get "excited" cuddling with just flimsy pajamas on. It amazes me how people make assumptions about the lack of sex drive of virgins just because they have never tried it before. I have seen plenty of posts on here from people who were really horny and up for it when they were virgins and it didn't take much for them to be ready and willing when circumstances presented themself. Separate beds is a very good idea if you don't want to be in a situation where sex can be very tempting. As for going away together..since when does going away together HAVE to be about having sex. Shouldn't going away together be about spending time with each other..enjoying each other's company etc. Why does everything about dating have to end up as "all about sex". Two people who really connect well and want to get to know each other before having sex can go away together and have a great time without having sex. It can be one more thing they share together as a couple..doing a weekend getaway.

[Seraphim]

I totally agree with this.

[Batya33]

I think there can be situations that are sexually frustrating -as long as there is no leading on or teasing (as long as you both understand the boundaries before you go away), I don't see the problem with it. Many couples can't have sex for one reason or another -perhaps she just gave birth, perhaps she has her period, perhaps he is not feeling well - but of course they still sleep together ,cuddle, kiss, perhaps get sexually turned on if that happens. You deal with the frustration in those contexts because it's best for the couple.

[rockerstar]

Thank you. Well that's how I originally viewed it. Granted I did ask him straight away if it would lead to anything...but like people said, as long you talk about your boundaries its fine. I mean it is just getting know one another better...I agree....not everything has to be about sex!!

About the sexual frustration...I know...when we first started making out and it would reach a certain point where things would get too far and I'd said "hey I think we need to slow it down..." I'd also apologise, for getting him all that excited. :S

[Batya33]

I don't think you need to apologize -he knows the boundaries and it's up to him how excited he wants to get, knowing that you're not ready to have sex. It's not a terrible thing to say but I would avoid the habit over over-apologizing.

[rockerstar]

I don't think you need to apologize -he knows the boundaries and it's up to him how excited he wants to get, knowing that you're not ready to have sex. It's not a terrible thing to say but I would avoid the habit over over-apologizing.

 

Thanks for the tip Batya33.

[Snowy]

Having separate beds for a couple who has been going out for 2 months would be pretty awkward in my opinion.

 

I would just sleep in the same bed and when you're starting to make out, remind him that sex is off limits.

[mistawolf]

Agree! ... look if your not ready don't have sex.

[Ginger1]

The trip isn't a big deal at all. I'd definitely go- even if you 2 aren't 'serious' yet. It doesn't sound like he is pushing for something more/sex either- If you are clear about how you feel (seems like you have been thus far) then there isn't any reason for him to assume that you want that just because you are agreeing to go on a trip.

 

As for the 2 month thing- totally depends on the situation and how well you know or care to know each other.

have fun

[Weeb]

For me, I would consider this no big deal. I've been going out with a guy for about 1-1/2 months and haven't had sex yet (other stuff though) and mini-trips have been brought up. However, I'm totally okay with having sex if that happens, and I don't care what friends/family think nor do I feel the need to tell them everything I do.

 

In your case, I don't think you're ready for the trip. Besides worrying about him wanting more, you seem really hung up on how everyone else will judge you. You need to get over that first or else it will be in the back of your head the whole time. Your opinion is the one that matters, and what you feel comfortable with is your business.

[rockerstar]

For me, I would consider this no big deal. I've been going out with a guy for about 1-1/2 months and haven't had sex yet (other stuff though) and mini-trips have been brought up. However, I'm totally okay with having sex if that happens, and I don't care what friends/family think nor do I feel the need to tell them everything I do.

 

In your case, I don't think you're ready for the trip. Besides worrying about him wanting more, you seem really hung up on how everyone else will judge you. You need to get over that first or else it will be in the back of your head the whole time. Your opinion is the one that matters, and what you feel comfortable with is your business.

 

Well...after all the advice given here...I agreed to go on the trip and expressed again about not wanting things to go too far (i.e. sex-wise). He said that it was fine and he wouldn't push me into anything.

I completely agree...I think about it and people's judgements just come floating into my mind....particularly my parents and a few of my friends....I wonder sometimes if they weren't in the equation if we would have already taken things to the next step....

Any advice on how to get past everyone else's judgements?

[ClarenceRutherford]

Separate beds is a very good idea if you don't want to be in a situation where sex can be very tempting.

 

As for going away together..since when does going away together HAVE to be about having sex. Shouldn't going away together be about spending time with each other..enjoying each other's company etc.

 

Why does everything about dating have to end up as "all about sex". Two people who really connect well and want to get to know each other before having sex can go away together and have a great time without having sex. It can be one more thing they share together as a couple..doing a weekend getaway.

Agreed.

Dated a 30 y.o. virgin woman when I was 26 for 6 mos. In our 6 month, we took a vacation and visited family out of state, and camped in state parks, etc.

We slept in the same tent, I think, but in separate sleeping bags and in diff. beds at relatives.

Were gently talking about getting engaged (she would bring that up).

 

We didn't talk about having sex on the trip before the trip. (The trip was my idea). She apparently believed I would honor her boundaries.

 

Of course, I had sexual feelings for her and may have engaged in sex if she allowed it (wasn't a virgin, but only had a handful of encounters at 17 and at 25), but as I really wanted a relationship more than sexual satisfaction, had no problem with her stance on remaining a virgin until marriage. That wasn't necessarily deep religious faith, though she was a Christian, but more of moral convictions, I think.

 

Unfortunately, she saw a lot more of me and my personality during that trip and apparently determined we weren't a match and dumped me within a week after that trip. But that's a whole other story.

(Yes, still harbor some feelings over that whole experience but I've posted that elsewhere).

 

Just wanted to say it is possible to go on a trip with someone you're dating without getting sexual.

 

And, no, I didn't make any sexual advances toward her outside of kissing and one night on her couch, caressing one of her breasts from outside her shirt. Yeah, real forward there...

 

Looking back, I wish I had made some advances during kisses (what would've it have hurt?), but likely would've gotten deflected...

Guess I was too much of a gentlemen, another regret. Still, never hurts to try

 

For the record, when I met my future wife at 30, waited 3 mos. before attempting any sexual moves with her.

And when I first made a move, it was for some "heavy petting" and "everything..but" which I had done with some other women in my late 20s.... didn't expect to ML as she offered. (for the next weekend). Really... only asked if I could unbutton her shirt...

Like with the other women I dated in my 20s, knew from experienced that having sex too early could jeopardize a great relationship but had no hesitation getting involved at 30.... Was hungry!!!