Need to know how I should handle this

[Cautious1]

I've recently started seeing a guy and things are good in all aspects except I am having some doubts. My doubts come from things I see on social networking sites...with one other girl in particular that us causing me concern. From what little he's told me, I believe she is a college friend that actually lives out if state but travels a great deal to our area. She is constantly posting messages with different little terms of endearment such as baby,etc. From what I can see in the history of these posts...she's been writing like this for almost two years. Tonight I saw a post basically thanking him for something he sent to her for her birthday. We've only been together a short amount of time and he was the one that asked me to be "exclusive", but something about this girl is getting my anxiety up. I have several people telling me not to approach the subject since I'm able to see a history of similiar behavior for some time and quite frankly..if he wanted to be with this chick, he most likely would have been, but I'm wondering if I should bring it up to him? So, any thoughts would be appreciated. Should I even bring it up to him and if I do how should I approach the subject? Deep down inside...I know that I am being irrational to some extent, but I'm having the hardest time shaking this feeling..I mean he knows I can see everything being posted so I'm not thinking he's trying to be sneaky but this girl just gives me an uneasy feeling...help before I drive myself crazy

[Kitkat973]

The meaning really depends on the person. I use terms of endearment with the people that I care about, including those I have a platonic relationship with. I don't hesitate to call my best friends 'dearest' or 'love' or 'baby' or anything of the sort if it's what I'm feeling in the moment, and the people who are close to me know that this is part of how I relate to the world and how I show them that I care about them.

 

(For the record, it's not a case of "Well that's different, you're both female- myself and both of my best friends are bisexual.)

 

Is she like this with anyone else?

[ApocalypseDreams]

I think you are overreacting maybe a little. It is likely that this girl is close friends with your guy. Terms of endearment and nicknames are common between my close female friends (who I have known for years) and myself. Also, he asked for the relationship to be exclusive. What you don't want to be is the jealous girlfriend who can't accept his established friendships with other people and how they choose to address him. No guy wants that.

 

It is obviously worrying you. Perhaps bring it up with him once and ask what the deal is then just leave it at that (providing his answer is they are just friends). If that, along with his request to make it exclusive, it still bothers you I suggest you break it off with him and perhaps take a look yourself and if you have any insecurities.

 

Good luck.

[RedDress]

Actually, I think communication is a good thing here.

 

Tell him you were looking at his wall. Ask him who she is, what their relationship is about, how they met, how long they've known each other, etc. Don't go accusing or anything... but I don't think there is any harm in asking who she is. You can also remark that she uses these terms of endearment a lot and ask him what that's about (you'll likely hear the answers above, that she's just "that way" - but at least you'll hear it from him).

 

Again, what you DON'T want to do is accuse. Like others have said, if they've been doing it for 2 years and they've always been like that, I doubt anything is going on. But you can definitely ask so that you get the full story first hand. Maybe it's his cousin. LOL!

 

I think asking will likely put your mind at ease. Sure... he may come to realize that you're a little jealous (just by virtue of you asking) - but maybe that's good for him to know.

 

Again, I wouldn't start accusing or asking him all suspiciously (or asking for it to stop!).... but you can definitely find out the scoop from him directly, IMO.

[Cautious1]

Thanks for the advice. I know that a lot of my issues are due to my own insecurities and low self esteem. I know that I need to take care of myself because I will keep ruining every relationship that I enter into. I'm going to work on my own issues before I go heaping them on someone else. It's not fair to him or me. Looks like I need to start working on myself!