Met my exgf "randomly" in the subway...

[6yeardumped]

So, my whole story:

 

 

 

Short version:

 

Almost 6 years relation, of which the last 20 months long distance. She broke up 2 months ago (via telephone) under the excuse of the distance, and then when I came back to her country trying to get her back she told me she had already hooked up with another guy from work (GIGS syndrome/rebound hook up).

 

I started NIC (almost 1 month), she contacted me 4 days ago for my b-day, she cried when hanging up the phone, and I am being the strong one now (at least for the outside world...she has no idea how devastated I am - therapy, etc...).

 

Today I bumped into her when entering the subway (I usually go to another station, but today I tried "her" station to see if it was closer to my place (it aint btw...).

 

We said hi, kiss on the cheek, random 3 min conversation and she commented on how skinny I was (last time we met one month ago she said I had a beer belly - comparing me with the rebound hook up...?)

 

I invited her for a coffee, she said yes immediately, but she could only do it Saturday and not Sunday...I said ok, Ill text you later to set the details. She said ok, and we said goodbye...She touched me in my gut when saying goodbye, looking for physical contact... I didnot...

 

What to make of this?

 

How to act tomorrow during the coffee?

 

I need to relax now and be relaxed tomorrow, but some tips on how to act tomorrow will be much appreciated!

 

Thanks all!

[scotsguy]

Don't expect too much. For her it is probably just a chance to catch up with a friend. If it turns out to be more then great. But don't expect that at all. If it's completely innocent will you be disapppointed? If yes then try not to show it - most likely a problem towards the end of the meeting.

 

Stick to safe topics, no relationship talk unless she initiates. Even then don't go in too deep too quickly. And be the one to leave. "Always leave them wanting more". That way you control the interaction and come accross as independent and confident. Good luck!

[6yeardumped]

Thanks man.

 

Yes, I know I should not have high expectations. Its only been 2 months after the BU and 1 month of NIC (except for my bday when she called me and cried in the end, when I ended the conversation. I know that for her it might just be an opportunity to catch up with me (not a friend, but an ex of 6 years, for whom she clearly still has feelings - might not be feelings strong enough to think about dating, but feelings nonetheless).

 

If it's completely innocent, I will be disappointed, but definitely I will not show my disappointment.

 

I will be trying to have fun and make her have fun (being not too obvious about it). I know which buttons to push, and what makes her laugh, so I will use that to my advantage. I will not try to schedule a next coffee/meeting, and once it ends, I will go to NIC again, since it was me who had the initiative to ask her for a coffee.

 

No relationship talk whatsover, and if she starts it, I will simply stick to the basics, probably just saying that I can now see that it was the best decision and that it is the best for both of us. (would this be too much?)

 

I will try to be the one to leave, probably by saying that I have something scheduled with a friend at a certain hour (not specifying gender).

 

Thanks for the tips!

[6yeardumped]

Any more tips on how to deal with my meeting tomorrow? Anyone?

[Kitten love]

Good luck.. Please try not to have too many expectations as she could be just looking for attention.. Are you still hoping to get back together? If so I would advise the old "no contact unless you are interested in reconciliation" rule.. Otherwise if you are determined go for a short while, play it cool and do NOT give her anything emotional as it could just be an ego boost for her and set you further back.

[6yeardumped]

Good luck.. Please try not to have too many expectations as she could be just looking for attention.. Are you still hoping to get back together? If so I would advise the old "no contact unless you are interested in reconciliation" rule.. Otherwise if you are determined go for a short while, play it cool and do NOT give her anything emotional as it could just be an ego boost for her and set you further back.

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

Yes, I am trying to keep my expectations low... And yes, I am still hoping for her to give us a second chance, not because I simply "miss her", but because I truly believe that this relationship failed because of some issues that I have solved (distance) and that I am solving (my lack of emotional attachment during the time we were apart - this was defense mechanism to "survive" the distance, but that in the end messed up the relationship). Since the MAIN issue was taken out of the picture (and I came back to her city 3 weeks after BU), I do believe that we can give it a try and make it work...

 

I can´t tell her that any time soon, and I also know that the fact that she already had a rebound hook up means that the distance was not the only problem. But I am willing to fight (silently, in the background, not initiating contact and letting her miss me). The fact that we met randomly today and she agreed immediately to meet me for a coffee (and she was as nervous as I was), hints me that she might be missing me a lot already... I am not going to push it tomorrow, and I will just try to be causal...what topics must I avoid in order "NOT to give her anything emotional"?

 

Thanks

[6yeardumped]

Any tips on avoidable topics for my meeting tomorrow?