My girlfriend never starts the sex

[Kellum23]

For future reference sorry about the threads grammar i wrote this on my phone. Anyways my girlfriend and i have been going out steady for two years and out of those two years my girl friend has started the sex maybe once. I no the relationship isnt all sex but it is a huge part in our relationship. All i want from her is for her to acctually lay me down and just go for it but she never does. ive talked to her about it all the time ever sense we started dating and she always says she will change and will try but like i said i havent seen any compitment. But tonight i talked to her about it and it ended up in a huge fight and i definitly need some advice please help asap i do t wana loose her over this stupid stuff.

[RedDress]

If your girlfriend has only ever initiated sex once in 2 years and you talked to her and talked to her and talked to her about it... I think it's fairly safe to say that she doesn't like or want to do it and that things aren't going to change.

 

Since she is simply your girlfriend (and not your wife), I don't think councilling is in order. People only change in degrees so you might be able to get her to initiate, say, 2-3 times a year... but she isn't going to become a sex kitten.

 

I think your options here are:

1) Accept that she isn't ever really going to initiate sex and simply be happy that you are doing it.

OR

2) Decide that you can't accept it and leave her.

 

Additional fighting, talking and nagging isn't really going to help (assuming you've already explained how it makes you feel). She knows, she just doesn't care to do anything about it. You can't make her.

 

Your choice...

[Kellum23]

See she always says she cares and she says she will change but she doesnt and i told her tonight either u do or its over i no its bad to force it on her but i mean i feel awkward being the only one who trys to have sex i feel like im taking advantage of her

[Capricorn3]

See she always says she cares and she says she will change but she doesnt and i told her tonight either u do or its over i no its bad to force it on her but i mean i feel awkward being the only one who trys to have sex i feel like im taking advantage of her

You shouldn't feel awkward, nor that you are taking advantage of her. It has worked for two years and she's never complained or said you are taking advantage. Sometimes some people are just different and it's part of their make-up. It seems this is part of who and how she is. I have no doubt she does love you and if it has worked for 2 years then I wouldn't fret about it (but that's just me). I say if it aint broke .... you know the rest (but again, that's just me).

 

That said, I agree with RedDress - you have two options - you either accept this is how she is, or leave.

[mouseno4]

Yep, sorry to say but i agree. If you are not happy in the relationship for whatever reason, and you have tried resolving it with communication - its time to end it. Over a long length of time, you have tried to make it work and it just isnt. Sorry it has come to this.

[Kellum23]

Ok thank you guys for the info but yall havent heard it all i mean its not just sex it like shes not spontanious about anythig kissing, making out, Um foreplay, and also the sex its like i have to do everything just to get a lil reaction from her i mean i no she loves me i just want some spontanious action haha you no wat i mean

[Snowy]

She's lost sexual attraction in you. End of story.

 

You might be able to get her to initiate 3 times this week, but next week, everything is just going to go back to before.

[Kitkat973]

It might just be the way she's wired. I'm a sub, and if my partner wanted me to 'lay them down and go for it', especially as the one initiating... yeah, I really couldn't see it happening.

[mouseno4]

Most of the time, i like the girl to initiate. But every so often, i prefer to be the one bringing it on. I like the idea that she gets what she wants. There are not many girls who want to be in control in the bedroom saldly... most of them just want the guy to do everything for them. It annoys me, but i just tend to let those girls pass right by me, whilst i wait for the ones who arent afraid of being in control.

[timlondon]

She's lost sexual attraction in you. End of story.

 

You might be able to get her to initiate 3 times this week, but next week, everything is just going to go back to before.

 

I don't agree with this - if I read it right she's never initiated sex. Sounds like they have an ok sex life but he's annoyed that it's always him taking the lead. I can sympathise, I've had a girlfriend who (while she initiated more than this girl) expected me to do everything in bed. The sex was great... just made me feel a bit like I wasn't getting as much out of it as I was putting in (excuse the pun)

 

While I suspect there may have been an underlying psychological reason why she wasn't that interested in pleasing me, the end result was that she was just a bit of a selfish lover.

 

It might just be the way she's wired. I'm a sub, and if my partner wanted me to 'lay them down and go for it', especially as the one initiating... yeah, I really couldn't see it happening.

 

Hadn't thought of it like that. Good point.

[TakingtheBlame]

For future reference sorry about the threads grammar i wrote this on my phone. Anyways my girlfriend and i have been going out steady for two years and out of those two years my girl friend has started the sex maybe once. I no the relationship isnt all sex but it is a huge part in our relationship. All i want from her is for her to acctually lay me down and just go for it but she never does. ive talked to her about it all the time ever sense we started dating and she always says she will change and will try but like i said i havent seen any compitment. But tonight i talked to her about it and it ended up in a huge fight and i definitly need some advice please help asap i do t wana loose her over this stupid stuff.

 

Has she told you why she doesn't initiate?

[Kellum23]

Well i mean like she says she doesnt no how but i mean how hard is it

[donpeel83]

Well the key is defo communication. With my ex there were sexual problems in that she would never ever take the lead and it became a big thing for me as she would in the end put zero effort in and didnt want to work at it. If it becomes very frustraing and your getting no where with communicating and its such an important thing for you then I would suggest ending things. However, only do this once you are sure you have tried, hand on heart everything and explored every avenue to communicate this concern with her. If you have and you are not happy then the best thing to do would be to leave her in my book. However, im using personal experience as a benchmark.

[Weeb]

Well i mean like she says she doesnt no how but i mean how hard is it

I know it isn't hard, but do try to be more specific with her. She may just be more shy about initiating, even when she enjoys the sex. If you can give her an idea of how you'd like her to initiate she may do better. Worth a try if you haven't been specific yet.

[FathomFear]

I had a roommate once who confided in me that his girlfriend of four years never initiated sex. I am pleased to report, though, that she is now happily married. To another woman.

[motleylou]

I agree that communication is huge but you have already communicated and she isn't responding. My ex gf had a good sex life until the last month then it got to the point where we both weren't happy but no one said anything. She didn't initiate or even make little advances and then I would take over, the relationship soon fell apart because we both felt distant towards each other. This doesn't sound like your situation but in your case you have to think of the big picture can you see yourself 5 or 10 years down the road still initiating all the sex? For me that wouldn't work. 2 years is along time to work on a solution and I would say you should probably get out now before you both get deeper attached, and you'll both end up hurting worse.