intolerable Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 My story is nothing special compared to others, but I thought I should share how I finally got over not only my ex but my feelings about the breakup. My ex and I broke up about 3-4 years ago. We dated for around two years and like most relationships, it was great at the start. Eventually we realized we were too different from each other (our beliefs clashed horribly) and he took the painful and brave step to terminate our relationship. I was devastated, emotional, but I let him go so that we can at least part amicably. We saw each other a lot in campus and we have a lot of mutual friends, so we decided we should try to be friends. But then things got weird because he would sometimes be so cold to me and would blatantly ignore me, and honestly, I was already stressed from the breakup, I didn't need all these drama. That's the time I went total NC on him. When he felt that I was pulling away, he began contacting me. He got into a relationship a few weeks after our breakup and I never cried so hard in my life. He still tried to contact me during this time, probably trying to fix whatever bad blood we had between us, but I didn't budge. I began to grow resentful because he kept trying to contact me when it was so obvious I didn't want to talk to him. I gave him his freedom, why couldn't he give me mine? After about half a year, he gave up, and I actually felt relieved. I can finally move on in peace. 3 years later, I happen to see his Facebook account. Curious, I clicked on it to see that he was still together with the girl he got into a relationship after me. I actually smiled. The just looked so... happy. So happy that it's contagious and I can't help but feel happy for them. And then I was shocked because, as the title suggests, I just never thought this day would come. In my experience, I had a harder time letting go of my resentment for my ex more than letting him go itself, so it was really a pleasant surprise when I actually felt happy for them. And that's it. Sorry if the post sounds so... scattered. I just wanted to share my thoughts and feelings to all the people who feel so hopeless right now. Link to comment
banal Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Glad to see that you're over him! You're the envy of this forum, for sure. Link to comment
motleylou Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I'm glad to see a positive outcome on here. I like you went through a tough breakup 2 months ago and had a really hard time letting her go,but knew that right now we could never be and for whatever reasons she didn't want us to be together. I have since gotten over her and actually have my first date in a few days since the breakup. I'm pretty close to where you're at and it helps when you're truly happy yourself. Before I was so mad about the whole thing that I wished the worst on her. But now that I'm out having fun again and enjoying myself and going on a date. I actually hope that she's alright and is doing well. For most people on here I think that's the biggest part is just being happy where you're at and then you can feel happy for your ex or at least feel indifferent. When I was miserable and sitting around not doing anything wishing she was with me, I would get so mad at her that she did this(always said she ruined my summer, and was throwing a pity party for myself) and would almost blame my anger on her. It's really not a healthy way to think, but now that I am happy, part of me is obviously still sad that our relationship didn't work out but at one point we both meant a lot to each other and loved each other so why shouldn't I feel happy for her. But reaching that point of being happy with myself took ALOT of hard work and time to figure out but am glad that I'm at that point. Link to comment
cjones22 Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I'm really glad you posted this. Gives me hope. I'm still in that resentful stage because he has a new girlfriend and I'm still unhappy. But reading this has given me faith that I will be able to accept and possibly be happy for him eventually. Andy find my own happiness. Thanks! Link to comment
Carus Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Im here with you. 2 years out and she is still with my replacement...as far as Im aware. I dont really know coz thankfully like the OP, the contact finally stopped.... I do 'say' that Im glad she found the right guy for her since it turns out I wasn't, but I cant lie....I dont really mean it yet, but Im working on it* It's a good post Intolerable*....I hope to be there too one day....and really mean it* Being instantly replaced and then dragged under the false hopes bus is extremely horrible and can take a long time to recover from... Best of Luck to Us All Carus* 8-) Link to comment
motleylou Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Cjones my ex is already in another relationship too, and honestly it helped me get over her rather than made it worse. It hurt more when she was single still because I thought I still had a chance at reconciliation and was wondering why she would rather be single than with me. But now that she's with someone else it really made me see that I loved her more than she loved me and I deserve more than that. We went through and grew a lot in our relationship and if she can just throw that all away and be with someone so quick then she's really not worth my time anyway. I know it's hard to think of them with someone else but you really deserve better and this person is just dealing with the breakup by clinging onto someone new. In general it's an immature way to deal with things and a person like that is not someone who I want to date. Link to comment
cjones22 Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Absolutely agree. He ran to her in less than a week after I said enough is enough and initiated NC. At first I was jealous but then I also realized how weak he is that he has to jump into another relationship. He's never really been single, he has always gone from one relationship to the next. Found out they are moving in together a couple days ago after only being together 6 months. I want to not care but it's hard not to. This sounds immature but I would want to hear they didn't work out for pure satisfaction, not because I want to get back together. I'm still resentful in the fact that he gets to be happy while I'm not. But in time I will get there and be happy, single or not. The OP has given me hope. Link to comment
AmandaB Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Im 2 years out and I dont know if i ever will be in that position. I feel like I would just be devastated if i knew he was with someone else, or saw him with someone else. Im not ready for that just yet Link to comment
cjones22 Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Im 2 years out and I dont know if i ever will be in that position. I feel like I would just be devastated if i knew he was with someone else, or saw him with someone else. Im not ready for that just yet Honestly I thought the same thing too. But when it finally happened, it wasn't as bad as I thought. When you dread something it seems like it will be so bad because you build it up in your head. In my case it was definetly hard and there were lots of tears afterward, but I can look back and say "well that wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be" In fact, it makes you stronger Link to comment
Carus Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Hey AmandaB* I see you and I joined ENA at the same time... Keep walking and I will walk with you* Carus* 8-) Link to comment
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