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Hello ENAers. I love this community - thanks for the support, advice, cautionary tales and reality checks. I have a problem now...


My girlfriend broke up with me at the end of april - it came as a shock because I felt everything was going great. I was not happy with that, and told her I didn't want to go through with this, but she had made up her mind. For all of May, I sent her about one email a week to keep communication going (and hopefully chance of reconciliation). and she would reply but without any of the affection or warmth I was used to from her.


We met up at the end of May at a conference, and spent those two days talking, mostly about non-relationship stuff (books, life, school, family, etc etc..). Eventually I told her I wanted her back, and we discussed our relationship, and even though we held hands through the whole discussion, she still felt the same. I was heartbroken again.


After that I went NC, and have been NC for all of June. It's been painful - I've cried a lot, and it felt like I was getting worse. I've taken advice from members here, and will focus on myself. improve my health, my concentration, my fitness, my financial situation, my career, etc etc. I will pursue the dreams I have, and will aim high. I will make myself better for MYSELF.... but there is also, deep down, a hope that I can reconcile with my girlfriend because she is an amazing, incredible person, I still have feelings for her, and our break up was civil (holding hands and hugging at the end). I want her back in my life, but I will focus on myself, and if she comes back then that is great....


MY PROBLEM - I have stuck to NC (and of course, my ex hasnt' reached out to me..)... but she is leaving the country tomorrow for the summer (for school)..... and also it is her birthday this weekend. Should I send her a quick email - one or two lines "good luck with your school, hope you have a nice birthday, and have a great summer"????????


Maybe she's not ready to talk to me again because she's made no effort to reach out... and i don't want to be in her face, reminding her that i exist. Maybe she's trying to put me out of her mind for the summer, and me contacting her will irritate more than anything else.... I just don't know what to do. I'm thinking stick to NC... but it'll feel * * * * ty deliberately not sending her wishes on her bday..... especially when she's alone in a new country.

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Hmm, I feel for you dude. My ex girlfriend just broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. I am by no means an expert on the situation but I say stay NC. If she broke up with you that means that she wants distance, no matter how long or short that may be. What if you get a reply you didn't want to hear or no reply at all? You are worse off than before. Just focus on yourself. I find that reading books about this kind of stuff is really helping me cope with it. I'm not sure if you're an athlete or not but start working out and play some pick up sports. This is all things I have read on this great forum.

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