Beliefs shattered, directions lost, interests not to be found.

[james0619]

I was a "good kid" in high school - top of my class, had a lot of friends, generally loved my life. When I graduated from high school, I got admitted into one of the best universities specialized in engineering in the country.

Everything was perfectly fine, until the end of my first year university. I've hit the bottom of my life.

I hated engineering. I did not realize this in the beginning since high school physics and math stuff were not too bad for me -- and based on this, I decided to enter an engineering program, even though I didn't hold a particular interest in the area. After a semester of rigorous engineering material, I found out that numbers and equations just plainly upset me. My cumulative GPA went down dramatically after first semester. Now I just finished my second year with a failed course and lowest ranking in the class out of several hundred students.

At the end of the year I just skipped all of my classes and started to think about my life because the atmosphere in the classroom nauseated me. Did I enter this program because I loved engineering stuff so much? Hell no. I chose this program out of people's expectation of me and for a secured future. Then I thought more. Graduating from this program probably wouldn't secure my future anymore since my GPA is literally * * * * (it's like 2. something). Then I reached the BIG question -- what do I want to do for my life. This problem never occurred to me in the past 20 years since I've been a kid who just followed the trend: studying hard at school while worrying nothing else. Now trend-following technique clearly failed miserably, so I started to ask myself what I really want.

Problem is, I don't know.

I do not have a special talent of any sort. I've tried numerous things, but I am merely a beginner in all of those. I do not know where lies my interest. Hell even if I did know, I wouldn't know how to link it to my future, or what I would do for a living. I've been deeply depressed for over a year; I've lost weights and interests in, well, anything. It's funny how one of my best friends who did not enjoy high school academic life is now acing all of his classes since he is studying what he loves (he's in law). He already has several future years planned; and me, sitting here all day long wondering what should I do with my life. To make matters worse, I am older than my classmates since emigrating to this new country forced me to re-enroll in the local high school so I am like 2 years older than most of my classmates. I don't know if I could afford to drop out and start over. I also hate the fact that I still need to depend on my parents....

Right now I am even tired of thinking because it gets me nowhere and makes me more depressed. I don't know what to do anymore.....

[rahulrocks]

@ James

Its really a complex thing to find out your true interest. Sometimes we can have passing interests and when we try to make a carrier out of them then we find that they too required a lot of hard work and there are people who are much better then us in the same stream. So let us both explore how we can find out our true interests ? First of all what does interest means ? Most of us are interesed in playing some game of some sort. Like i love playing table tennis. But can i make a carrier out of it, Probably i cant because of age factors and all. I also like singing a bit, but there are others who are much better then me. I can write well but not enough to become a writer at this stage. Then i find what is the easier thing to do, the easier thing is probably what i am doing right now which is s/w programming.

I have dull days and I have days when i am in pressure. I like some part of it and some part of it bores me. I think we must separate our carrier and interest.

But on the other hand we can not choose a carrier which we hate doing.

So you explore what all carrier options you have now. Life is not over. You can still win.

[rahulrocks]

@ James

I am dissatisfied with my previous post. It will not help you in any way. Let me think a bit more over it and then i will come back to it.

[james0619]

Thanks for your reply. Don't worry; I understand what you are saying. The trick is to find that balance point between work and interest. I can't seem to find it anywhere or even envision it.

[rahulrocks]

one more thing, concentrate your thoughts and intention on finding that balance rather then keeping your focus on your frustation of not finding it.

[chitown9]

Your university has a counseling department. Their function, in part, is to guide you into what careers are good to pursue because jobs are available. Also, the counselor will bring to your attention what careers are available that you might be interested in.