Boyfriend meeting parents.. :/

[Confusedcat100]

Hi there,

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. Everything is great, and I am super close to his family. His family is in the same town that I go to college in, so I am there quite a bit. I get along with them fantastic. My boyfriend has met my family a few times, but only to restaurants, and christmas at my aunts. He gets along with them well too, but I havent actually brought him home to my parents house.

 

Here is my concern. My parents house is a disaster. Almost too bad to make a quick fix. I am gone on an internship this summer, so there is no time for me to go home, and clean their mess up. My parents both work everyday/night. Literally. they never have time to even have a home. Both working around 75-80 hours a week. BUT my mom finally got a day off for the 4th, and is having a couple girlfriends over. Since this will be a weekend for me to come home, I thought maybe I would stop over to my parents and bring my boyfriend... but I dont want to because of this horrible stink/mess/nasty. ugh. I wouldnt even consider bringing him there, but he always brings it up. I told him about my situation, and he says he doesnt judge me off it, but it is still hard for me to bring him there. I am really a different person. I am quite the opposite of them. When I was living with them, it was never this bad, but since my mom lost her job, she has been juggling 3 crappy jobs, and my dad doing the same. My mom flat out told me she doesnt care about the mess, and doesnt need to clean up for anyone. Which is true. But I just wish I could bring him to a clean/warm house, like he does for me. I dont even feel like my parents house is my home. This is upset me since day one of dating him, dreading bringing him home to my parents house.

 

I just need some advice on where to even go from here. It is upsetting me tremendously.

[DN]

Tell him to please understand how much this upsets you and ask him not to pressure you into inviting him to your parents place. Tell him that when you get your own place you will be very happy to invite him to meet them there.

[TakingtheBlame]

If your parents have met your boyfriend already then you have no obligation to bring him over to your parents' house. The only argument I could see for bringing a boyfriend to your parents' house is if your parents are having a holiday dinner or gathering to which you are both invited, or if you live at home with your parents. Otherwise, he has nothing to do with your parents' home.

[Kitkat973]

It's important for him to be able to respect your boundaries when you set them down. If this is something that you are not comfortable with and do not want to do, it's important to work out being able to set down boundaries in your relationship like that and have them respected.

[hidden_kitten]

If your parents have met your boyfriend already then you have no obligation to bring him over to your parents' house...he has nothing to do with your parents' home.

 

Agreed. I skimmed the OP and was going to suggest going out somewhere to do formal introductions but when I read it again, this has already happened. I don't see what the boyfriend's preoccupation with going to your parent's home is, especially if it's no longer the OP's home and she lives elsewhere for college.

[DN]

In the same way that you feel welcomed by his family into their home he probably want to feel the same sort of welcome from your family and that is not unreasonable. I think you need to make it ultra-clear why you do not want him there and reassure him that it really isn't an ecuse to cover up that he isn't welcome.

 

If he feels less a part of your life than you are of his it will corrode the relationship.