Jump to content

What happened???


Recommended Posts

Hello everyone...


another hopeless romantic here being hurt after another relationship...and I need some of your advice to help me move on...


I met this guy Steven through an app called grinder on my iphone (a gay dating application))


We hit it off straight away sharing so much interest and physical attraction...he was the first guy I have ever been with that I thought looked good enough for me (I know that sounds vain..but I thought that we looked so well together)


Things went really well...he was really layed back which took some getting used too but I accepted that was just him. He told me that he was single for a year as his ex of three and a half years moved away for a job and left him...he moved back after a few monthes they both stayed single and they tried to see how things went but it never worked out.


We went out one night and his ex was out too, he went mental at me calling me all these bad names, screaming at Steven, things got physical between them too and Steven ex ended up phoning stevens mother for some random reason sobbing down the phone to her.


When i asked him about all this drama he said that they tried to work things out when he came back but he never felt the same...even though he bought him tickets for two concerts in december for alan carr and katy perry and he was dating me in febuary. It seems that they had been trying to work things out til very recently (although I think he said december he called it quits i cant remember for sure, but from what happened that night etc it seems like it was very recent) his ex text him the next day demanding his stuff back...


Quite the blow...was I a rebound? On stevens birthday after dating three monthes he started to change from affectionate and caring to nothingness...when I changed my rota to make an effort to go out for his birthday he said he didnt feel 'comfortable' me going out as his crowds of friends where awkward with each other...I felt so bad in myself like he was ashamed of me or something, why wouldnt he want me out for his birthday...surely it shoulda been my decision to go out? I met three of his mates before and they invited me out whereas he never wanted me to it seems. I said I could meet him after if my mates where out and he said 'if ya want' like it meant nothing...and he was like well if your out with your mates I will 'see ya out'...why should I go out with my mates for his birthday???


He also kept that grinder app and I told him i felt uncomfortable yet he insisted he spoke to friends on it...after three monthes I said that I wanted him to take it off his phone as it was a gay chat site and he didnt need it if he had a bf he cared for (its notoroious for being sleezy)...he agreed and that was that...yet my mates caught him on it numerous rtimes and he denied it to my face four diff times before admiting to it...I couldnt cope with the lies...the day after we broke up he had a brand new profile on grinder and was looking dates...he said he neevr used it that much been when we endede he was straight on it?! the hurt needless to say killed me...considering the day after we split I told him about my aunt dying and being upsety...he could go onto grinder but not text me back that day...



He told me after he thinks he needs to be single and thats that...


Am so hurt....what ya all think of this...make me feel better cause its killing me atm...


Was it wrong not wanting me at his bday, going on gay chat rooms and lying to me...do ya think him and his ex ended a lot sooner than he made out?


he has many issues with his family too...his mum and dad split when he was four...he doesnt call them mum and dad but their real names...his brother walkes past him in the street...he just seems dead inside at times with emotion...and talk of feelings and he freaked out....


sorry for the long post but I need your advice am so deprerssed...I miss him so much and am not doing to well atm...its only been like two weeks and we where togeyther for four monthes...hes 24 and I am 26

Link to comment
I met this guy Steven through an app called grinder on my iphone (a gay dating application))


Isn't Grindr primarily an app used for mere hookups? Perhaps the issue here is that he never initially intended on entering a relationship. That's the impression I get from what you posted.

Link to comment

You know the old cliched line "It's not you, it's me"?


From everything you said in your post, that's what it feels like to me. That it wasn't anything you did, or didn't do, or really a reflection on your relationship- it was him, and his issues, and his decisions.

Link to comment

Was it wrong not wanting me at his bday, going on gay chat rooms and lying to me...do ya think him and his ex ended a lot sooner than he made out?


Hi James


I'm very happy that you didn't write "what is wrong with me". I don't think there is much wrong with you, you know? It sounds to me like for some reason he was comfortable lying to you.


I myself have been dumped on May 24th - so I can relate. And I promise it does get better.


I have a couple of suggestions for you:

(1) no matter what your feelings are, do not act on them. If you want to hear from him, do so when you are calm and leveled, not when you are in need or angry;

(2) try to look back at these months together and try to understand what YOU want for YOUR life. That is, what kind of bf do you want? What qualities can't you possibly pass on? For me, I know that I want an intelligent and empathetic person, who is honest and straightforward. Once you figure it out, it will be easier for you to decide what to do next.


In the meantime big hugs to you (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((you))))))))))))))))))))))))

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...