Met online, we've texted, spoken by phone, arranged a lunch date for Sunday.....

[TiredOfGames]

So I met someone online several weeks back and since then we've emailed, texted, and we spoke for the first time by phone a couple of nights ago. We have a lunch date set for this coming Sunday. Our phone conversation was on Tuesday night and it seemed to go well. At the end she brought up the possibility of getting together to see a local baseball game the following night (Wednesday, as an additional date to our Sunday plans), but she'd have to let me know for sure on Wednesday if she could make it. She has a very young daughter who she usually has Mon - Thu every week, but this week her daughter has been with her visiting paternal grandmother, and she's had a friend from Australia in town. Around mid-morning on Wednesday I sent her a brief text to say that I enjoyed speaking with her and that the baseball game would be fun but I'd also understand if she couldn't make it. She replied a few hours later to say that she was sorry but she'd have to take a rain check for the game that evening. She said that we have the rest of Summer to go to a baseball game and that we'll keep our plans for lunch on Sunday. I replied to say no worries about the game, that I might have to hold her to that rain check for a later game, and confirmed our Sunday plans.

 

So now what, between now and Sunday? I'm not one to barrage someone with constant text messages or anything, and I'm cautious of calling her because of her daughter. I don't know her that well yet and I don't know much about that situation. But am I being overly cautious in thinking this way?

 

How do you all think I should proceed over the next few days prior to our Sunday lunch plans? I feel there should be some communication in there, but how much, and of what type (text, phone call)? I like what I've experienced with this person so far, so I want to handle things in the best way possible.

[oldenoughtoknow]

After the date is set, I tend to not communicate much. I think it can build some anticipation, which is a good thing. She already seems anxious to meet you with the "maybe" Wednesday idea. If you want to do something in between, you know she has her kids Monday thru Thursday, so a quick text on Friday or Saturday saying you're looking forward to Sunday would be okay. Keep it short, and maybe humorous.

[MyNinja]

You can let things happen naturally. You have about three days.

 

Since you don't know the situation that well with her daughter you can always send a simple text letting her know to feel free to call or text you if she needs any help with anything or if she has any questions or concerns. This lets her know that you didn't fall off the face of the planet for three days and it shows that you are caring and concerned with things going on in her life. This sort of statement is also much better than saying "Hi, How's your day going?" because after she tells you it's going fine or whatever there may not much else to say and it can get awkward.

 

On the other hand, You don't want too much contact because you won't have a chance to miss each other and the conversation may be limited when you go out Sunday

 

If you choose to do this you can wait until Friday or Saturday just to check in. It doesn't have to be long and wordy, but you never know she may contact you first.

 

All in all try not to overthink it. A pattern will develop over time and the texting/calling will happen naturally as you get to know each other better.

 

Until we meet again...

[TiredOfGames]

Thanks oldenough and mo'Nique! Getting back into the dating game feels like venturing into the unknown, and meeting someone through internet dating feels very foreign to me (i.e. email/text/phone communication first then meet, versus meeting in the real world followed by the phone calls and texts). But in both cases we have to weigh too much communication versus too little, which is what I'm unsure about. I like your suggestions, in terms of building a little anticipation but also showing that I've not fallen under a bus or anything. I'll send a short text either Friday or Saturday and I have something in mind from our conversation that I can throw in there for a little humorous banter. Thanks again, and I'll let you know how things go!

[KeepMe]

I would just send a simple message to her maybe at night before bed and say "hope your daughter is having a blast with (whoever) and I hope you're enjoying your Australia company, have a wonderful night and sweet dreams." I would say something that doesn't technically demand an answer but lets her know that you are interested and she knows that you were thinking about her. I can't speak for all women of course, but my boyfriend did this occasionally before we started really dating and I enjoyed it. It's short, simple, and it doesn't seem clingy.

 

Good luck!

Have a great date on Sunday.

-Keep

[TiredOfGames]

I would just send a simple message to her maybe at night before bed and say "hope your daughter is having a blast with (whoever) and I hope you're enjoying your Australia company, have a wonderful night and sweet dreams." I would say something that doesn't technically demand an answer but lets her know that you are interested and she knows that you were thinking about her. I can't speak for all women of course, but my boyfriend did this occasionally before we started really dating and I enjoyed it. It's short, simple, and it doesn't seem clingy.

 

Good luck!

Have a great date on Sunday.

-Keep

 

Thanks Keep! So you don't think that saying "sweet dreams" would be too much at this early stage? I ask as this is the sort of thing I would say to someone, but in the (very!) distant past I have always met people offline. Meeting someone online feels very different to me and we've yet to meet in person (that will be Sunday). Should that make a difference? Or am I just playing mind games with myself?

 

Edit: Hmm, now that I think about it I guess it's more about how long or well one knows someone, rather than whether or not they've met in person yet.

[soybeans]

Don't over-think this too much. You should go with what seems natural. Online dating in and of itself is contrived as it is, your true feelings shouldn't be.

[lalalollipops]

I say don't be too persistent. Show interest, but be alittle 'elusive'

A brief, casual text before Sun will be fine. Anything else would be coming on too strong imo. She clearly has some kind of interest in you, but you know... You need that balance of push and pull for it to work well.

[TiredOfGames]

Haha, so even those claiming to be honest and seeking honesty in their online profiles suck at both! Ok, so I'm not particularly heartbroken over this, but it's one of many reasons why online dating just isn't that great. A little back-story information...

 

As suggested I sent her a brief text before our Sunday lunch and it appeared warmly received. Come Sunday morning I received a text asking if it would be possible to reschedule for Monday morning instead. I replied an hour or so later and joked that I didn't think it would be possible, but that a date on July 4th might be nice. A few texts back and forth set a new time for Monday morning. On Monday we pushed things back by an hour due to restaurant opening times, and we met at 11 for a nice two hour brunch/lunch. Conversation was pleasant and light, we learned a little more about each other and we chatted about other random stuff in-between. At the end of the date she was the first to remark on meeting up again this coming weekend, either Friday night or Saturday, schedule dependent. I agreed that would be nice and we would decide closer to the time. She gave me a quick hug and we parted ways. About 45 minutes after the date I sent her a text message to say that I'd had a great time and that I looked forward to seeing her again.

 

Since then I've not received a reply to my text message which I find a little odd considering how well the date seemed to go and her initiation of a future date. I'm not too bothered about this and I might still hear from her. However, a couple of things from the date and post-date...

 

First off she lists herself as athletic and toned. Now I'm sure she was or has been, but at this point in time she is not. I'm a very active person and I take care of myself, and in doing so my preference is for someone who also works out a lot and is in shape. Now I'm very much a 'face' person first - eyes, smile, hair and so on are the first things I notice. She is still very cute looking and her physical self didn't bother me too much, but her online profile was a little dishonest about her appearance (as were some photos which are certainly not recent), yet she talked so much about honesty and requiring that of her future partner too. Okay, so online dating lesson number one, which I guess I've read about both here and at other websites (someone stretching the truth about their physical appearance, using older photos etc.).

 

She has a great personality and this really came through during our time together. We seemed to click on a number of things and we left many doors open for many future conversations too. We joked about some stuff, spoke seriously about other things, and overall it was a nice date. She is a very busy person and a part-time single mother to a toddler (joint custody with the father), so I have no doubt this affects the time and energy she might have to be as active as she'd like to. Would I want to see her again? I for sure would; her personality really shone through and I'd like to get to know her better before making any real judgments regarding her profile versus actuality in terms of physical self. Everything else in her profile came accross as true, as very honest and sincere.

 

One of our last conversations prior to parting was about online dating. As I've mentioned in another thread/post here she has updated her profile on a few occasions to clarify certain details about what she is looking for in a partner. As suspected this has occurred following bad dates (one guy for instance was a little drunk when she met up with him, and she found him to have a number of DUI records to his name). She mentioned how she sometimes asks for her date's last name so that she can better weed out certain types of guys through a little background checking. I fully understand this and I think it's very sensible of her (or anyone in fact) to do so. In terms of online dating it can certainly be a safety thing prior to meeting someone in person. So.....

 

I'm not a U.S. citizen but I am a permanent resident in the USA. It's only natural that I'm asked how long I've been here, how I got here etc., and I have absolutely nothing to hide about anything in my life, least of all this. I was married and I'm now divorced. The divorce was over 6 years ago now too and I've been in two serious LT relationships since then. My marital status is listed as divorced on my profile, and her profile had listed 'Never Married, Divorced' under her date preferences. We certainly didn't dwell on this as a conversation point but I was very upfront about the minor details that essentially lead me to being in the USA, and I got to learn a little about her child and the father. To ease her mind I gave her both my middle and last names so that she could run a background check on me. As I say, I have nothing to hide and all I want from a relationship is openness and honesty.

 

Post-date I sent her a text message and I've not received a reply. I logged into the dating site this morning and she has updated her profile. Now her date preference lists only 'Never Married'! She knew before the date that I was divorced (or should have; it was clearly listed at the top of my profile). She even listed 'Divorced' under her date's preference options. She has never been married, but not to be a stickler she has a child (I do not have children btw, but I would and I am very accepting of someone else's). So yeah, erm, okay! I should also mention that she is not religious, which I know for some plays into a future partner's marital status.

 

So now do I think I'll hear from her again? I might, but quite possibly not. Do I feel the need to continue with online dating? Well given this experience and the complete lack of activity with anyone else prior, probably not. I suspect this latest experience with online dating is not uncommon in the least. Welcome to online dating!

[Ms Darcy]

Online dating is just one of many ways to meet someone. It sounds like you had a nice date with someone who wasn't quite what you expected physically and who ended up not being interested in you. Tis ok ... dating has its ups and downs. Good luck dating offline. Are you meeting up with women in real life?

[TiredOfGames]

I was using online dating as just another way to meet someone. In the end I don't think it's for me, at least not for the area in which I live. I am meeting new people in real life, mainly through my local coffee shop and a couple of meet-up groups. So far I've not met any potential dates there but I do have some new friends, so that's good. I did try a singles meet-up event a few weeks back but that was a little strange. I spoke with some nice people there but the ratio of men to women was woefully unbalanced (and not in favour of the men!). There was only one woman that I was remotely physically attracted to, but we had absolutely nothing in common, so all in all that event was a bust. A bigger city with a bigger pool might make events like that worthwhile, but perhaps not where I live. I'll continue with my main meet-up group (a running group) and my local coffee shop. I've been to some wine tastings around town, but they have been pretty sparse so far. At the very least I am keeping myself busy and I'm really enjoying my time with new activities and new friends. I'm not in a rush, but then again it would be nice to find and have more potential dates for a future LTR. I'm sure I'll begin meeting more compatible women through my new activities as time goes on.