rediscovering Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 So we were able to talk cordially last Friday. But my News Feed comes up and shows him with someone else with the caption: "_____ with her beloved boyfriend ______... the happy couple." *We're not friends on FB, he's blocked, but we do have mutual friends and well, it was on her album. It's been around 5 weeks after our BU, the ending of this week makes 5 weeks. I guess they got together a week or two after our BU... But when we talked last Friday, I had asked him if there was someone else in his life and he said, "No." Why would he lie to me? I had accepted our breakup and I feel like he should have been honest with me about it because had I known he has someone else, it would have made things easier for me to move on. It wouldn't have hurt me.... really, I am being truthful about this. Now that I have found out, I felt sad and cried for about 5 minutes and I was over it and felt a whole lot better. Is he completely this immature that he couldn't be honest with me about it?! No wonder why when I asked if we could be friends in the future, he said, "Maybe," and "if only you can handle it." Anyways, I wished him the best of luck in his new relationship because I'm tired of drama and didn't want to complicate things since I hate complications. But as for dumpers, why lie to your ex that you are not with anybody else after the BU when you are? Don't you think it'll help you to be honest with them since it shows that you really are moving on and that you have completely in every way removed them from your life with replacing them with someone else? After all, when you find someone else, that sets the deal and removes all hope. Link to comment
DN Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 It is possible that they decided to be boyfriend/girlfriend since your conversation with him on Friday. Link to comment
rediscovering Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Not possible. The pictures were clearly posted up days before our conversation. So yes, he lied. As for why? There are so many reasons, but I don't want to over-analyze anything. Link to comment
banal Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 There are a bunch of reasons why he wouldn't tell you...guilt may be one. He didn't want to feel like he was sneaking around your back; he wanted the breakup to be "clean." Link to comment
DN Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Perhaps she is assuming something. Link to comment
rediscovering Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 There are a bunch of reasons why he wouldn't tell you...guilt may be one. He didn't want to feel like he was sneaking around your back; he wanted the breakup to be "clean." If he didn't want to be sneaking around, then why lie in the first place?! We've already been broken up so what's the big deal. Whether or not he felt guilty, honesty is the best policy, isn't it? The truth was going to come out somehow, sooner or later. It would have been better to hear it from him rather than find out about it on FB. I even asked him and I didn't ask for any explanation. I just wanted a no or a yes. Link to comment
rediscovering Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Perhaps she is assuming something. Can't be assuming if it says: ________ with her beloved boyfriend ________.... the happy couple That right there screams: he's in a new relationship. Link to comment
banal Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 If he didn't want to be sneaking around, then why lie in the first place?! We've already been broken up so what's the big deal. Whether or not he felt guilty, honesty is the best policy, isn't it? The truth was going to come out somehow, sooner or later. It would have been better to hear it from him rather than find out about it on FB. I even asked him and I didn't ask for any explanation. I just wanted a no or a yes. Maybe he doesn't want you to feel bad that he's already moved on - maybe he feels guilty about having moved on "so soon". Could be a hundred reasons and you won't know which one works unless you ask him, and even then he might lie about the truth. Link to comment
rediscovering Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 So he has the right to lie to me about moving on "so soon?" Obviously, we were broken up so why feel bad about being with someone new?! And aren't guys prideful? If you were with someone new, wouldn't you be happy to share with everybody, "Hey, I've got this new girlfriend and she's amazing." Shouldn't he be man enough to say, "Look, I'm with someone else now and I really like this girl." And this came from a guy who said, "I'm not going to date or be in a relationship with someone, not until next year" when we broke up. All I can think about is: liar and coward. I feel bad for myself that I mixed myself up with someone so unworthy of my love. Link to comment
Robin2904 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Sometimes they think they are doing the right thing- sparing our feelings by not telling us they are seeing someone else, or even flat out lying about not seeing someone. You can't possibly know why he lied, but my guess would be he was trying to spare your feelings there. Whether it's right wrong or indifferent- he didn't tell you. Not much you can do about it, but let it go. I know it sucks to see them with someone else- been there. I spoke to my ex about a week before I saw him and his new girl together- in person. He knew we would be running into each other, that he would be with her- he failed to mention having a girlfriend at all. You would think maybe he would want to- oh I don't know prepare me for that? Nope. Regardless of their reasoning for not telling us- it shows its just time to move on. Link to comment
rediscovering Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 *hugs in return* I guess they're just too busy having fun with their new SO to ever think about the person they left behind and hurt. How long did it take for you ex to find someone new? Link to comment
phasegirl Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 *We're not friends on FB, he's blocked, but we do have mutual friends and well, it was on her album. Not sure how if he's blocked, his pictures would show up on your newsfeeds. If you're looking at his new girlfriend's album, does this mean that he's now dating a friend of yours? Also, why would you mind what's going on in his life if you blocked him? I thought block meant, "I dont want to know anything about you, good bye, hasta la vista" Link to comment
rediscovering Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 I guess it would still show up since it's not his album, but if he was tagged, it would show that I can't click on his name. It's not his new gf's album, it was a mutual friend's album. I guess I'm going to have to unfriend her now if things like these are bound to pop up. Just because I blocked him doesn't mean I still don't care. It was a part of my healing process to START not to care and that phone call last Friday was a mistake, but it was my last contact with him until I implemented NC. Link to comment
Robin2904 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 *hugs in return* I guess they're just too busy having fun with their new SO to ever think about the person they left behind and hurt. How long did it take for you ex to find someone new? I don't know for sure. We ended things a week before Christmas- I made one last effort to try to reconcile mid January, when he basically showed me he didn't want it at all-which I now believe was because the rebound was already in the picture to some degree- so last time I saw him was mid January (Told me he didn't want a relationship, wanted to be single- all this crap) Then recently JUST found out from him that he was official with her around Valentines Day. Nice huh? Not even a month later. Lied to me and jumped right into a relationship with her. Gives me a little satisfaction to find out he just broke up with her recently too- a little but not much. Hang in there- I really feel your pain!! Link to comment
thejigsup Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 henever I break up with someone, I consider my personal life off limits to my ex, from day one. I, too, would lie if I had someone new. I hate drama and I do not want them to know what I am doing in my private life, even if we are cordial. Maybe he thinks like me. There is no dislike involved, just a need to keep that info private. Link to comment
DN Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 henever I break up with someone, I consider my personal life off limits to my ex, from day one. I, too, would lie if I had someone new. I hate drama and I do not want them to know what I am doing in my private life, even if we are cordial. Maybe he thinks like me. There is no dislike involved, just a need to keep that info private.This is a possibility too - sometimes people will lie rather than flat out say 'none of your business'. Link to comment
rediscovering Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Well, he called me to basically talk to me about HIS LIFE last Friday... He asked all the questions so when I asked if there was someone else, why couldn't he be upfront about it? Link to comment
DN Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Well, he called me to basically talk to me about HIS LIFE last Friday... He asked all the questions so when I asked if there was someone else, why couldn't he be upfront about it?Yeah, that does seem strange. Anyway - now you know the truth you can move on, regardless of how you found out. Link to comment
rediscovering Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Yeah, that does seem strange. Anyway - now you know the truth you can move on, regardless of how you found out. Yes, regardless of how frustrating it is to find out from another source, you can bet that I am moving the * * * * on with my life. I don't need this bull * * * * and I certainly don't need him. I just feel a lot of bad emotions knowing that I spent time and made memories with a boy who clearly was not worthy of my love. Link to comment
rediscovering Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 And you know what?!!! I should have spotted it! When I asked him, he sounded fidgety and kept saying, "What?" to my question and I even ASKED him several times so of course, he blatantly made the decision to lie to me, even thinking about it for a a few minutes! Link to comment
DN Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 OK - so now try to stop thinking about him and the lie. Think about what you are going to do to move on and make your life better. Link to comment
NightLily Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Considering all of the details, the best reason I can think of is that he wanted you to still be hung up on him. It doesn't matter anymore though. Glad to hear how well you are handling it. Link to comment
rediscovering Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Considering all of the details, the best reason I can think of is that he wanted you to still be hung up on him. It doesn't matter anymore though. Glad to hear how well you are handling it. Whatever his reasons are, I'm past the point of caring and wondering. I wished him the best in his new relationship and well, he hasn't responded so that's that. NC ALL THE * * * * ING WAY! Link to comment
MyNinja Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Why is there so much drama attached to FaceBook? I'm so glad I don't have an account, lol Anyway, I'm so sorry you went through this. You know now the type of person you were dealing with and from this point on you should have no need to do any future dealings with him. Good riddance to a complete waste of time. if he felt the need to lie it makes you wonder how he's going to treat that new girlfriend. Just another life experience and something to learn from. I'm sure you will find someone much more suitable for you. keep your head up. Until we meet again... Link to comment
hello678 Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 So he has the right to lie to me about moving on "so soon?" Obviously, we were broken up so why feel bad about being with someone new?! And aren't guys prideful? If you were with someone new, wouldn't you be happy to share with everybody, "Hey, I've got this new girlfriend and she's amazing." Shouldn't he be man enough to say, "Look, I'm with someone else now and I really like this girl." And this came from a guy who said, "I'm not going to date or be in a relationship with someone, not until next year" when we broke up. All I can think about is: liar and coward. I feel bad for myself that I mixed myself up with someone so unworthy of my love. I was told this EXACT same thing. I kid you not "I dont want to date someone until next year". And than they were with someone within 2 weeks post breakup, full blown relationship within 6. The problem is, they don't feel like they owe you anything after you are dumped. The fact that you take it so badly interfering in their life means they don't want to tell you. The bottum line is, they dump you because they don't want anything to do with you. You continue to pester them so they are trying to escape. They don't want to have the guilt of having to explain something like that to you so they just lie. They tell you what you want to hear. Cowards is too nice of a word for these people, but it does seem to be something that people go through in a breakup. Link to comment
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