sweetharmony Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Hi everyone...previous situation is here. We had intense conversation Sunday...it went really well. I opened up and shared my feelings and he said talk went better than he anticipated. we agreed to be exclusive. but stuck a little again or maybe in my head. We went for date on Tuesday evening to a documentary we both wanted to see. He was a total gentleman...held my hand a little, then we went for walk and to a diner afterwards to talk. It was nice...not passionate..just sweet, low key...almost nerve-wracking like we were on a first date where we were just starting to get to know one another- the basics, family, grew up, high school life...etc...really felt like starting over! and I don't like it. (no alcohol). He said some really nice things...like "I'm so nervous"...and I ask why...and he said. He "feels like a first date with such a stunningly beautiful woman". He told me I looked incredibly beautiful when I talked about my family. He said, "I'm serious on the outside but lighthearted on the inside and you are so lighthearted and free-spirit on the outside but so serious on the inside. I think we complement one another." We talked about the dating site where we met (same religion) and he said something like.."well would be nice to meet a XXX (religion) girl, not necessary. but regardless, If I went to another site, I wouldn't have met you."When we left, we got in a cab...cab dropped him off and then he paid for my cab the rest of the way. small, light kiss and that was it. He said when he was leaving, "I hope we can do this again sometime." arggg. no official plan... and he texted me when I got home..."Hi sweetharmony this is me, the guy from the first date. I just wanted to say you're very sweet and so much fun to talk with. Hope we can do it again soon. I responded: "Surely, I had fun too. Sunday was our first date though. Please don't wait too long!" It was all sweet, but he didn't make a plan! I don't like not knowing where his head space is-like when I could tell he was crazy about me. I know I should be happy he's not purely being physical but I'm thinking he's taking space. arggh. I guess we kind of need to start over more slowly...but I want to start where we left off esp. since we had such a deep conversation. Maybe he needed a more light convo after that deep, serious convo we had Sunday. Ok. I'm overthinking again. it's Thursday now...so we have nothing planned. Link to comment
LaceWing Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 You've reconciled, so you need to take it slow. Rushing him isn't going to help....let him make the next move as to when you do something again, don't push and be impatient! I did that...and the guy RAN FOR THE HILLS! Personally, I would treat this like a delicate flower that was battered, but is now on the mend. It needs tender love and care...with some sunshine and tending to get it really strong again. You actually sound sort of anxious...relax and let things happen slowly and steadily! (and try not to focus too much on him, focus on other things/people as well). Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 I am extremely anxious and trying to remain calm. I know only two days and I should lethim puruse...but I have been pursuing him for several weeks after we broke up, set up our date Sunday and also sent details for date Tues. so I hate how tables turned. I am not used to this dating thing. When we met Sunday, he suggested Tuesday night before we parted and suggested a documentary. He sent email Monday night forwarding an article I would like but made no mention of the date. i replied to thank him and then sent the info for the movie showing with location and time - to show I'm making an effort (since I rarely did previously). and he said, perfect. thank you. I just really like this guy. It's the first time I felt really into someone in a huge way and don't want to act too eager but also want to show him that yes, I'm not playing games I like you and want to be a partner. Link to comment
indesign Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Sometimes its better just to be patient and let the other person make a move. I know its hard, but unless he specifically told you to call him or email him, don't do anything. Be STRONG! You can do it. Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 ok. i'm way too anxious here. he just texted saying "would love to hang tomorrow if you're free!" it's not even two freakin days. I need to get out of my darn head! I'm usually never this anxious so early. omg. it usually only happens months in. Link to comment
DN Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 That's because you really like him. Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 I guess he was texting like four times a day courting and planning. and now it's barely any communciation in bw dates. We started off REALLY intense. I mean chemistry sky-high. I pushed him away and now he's taking slow. i have to be patient! Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 should i accept a date for tomorrow since so late? I want to see him and it's actually the only day I can this weekend since I'm going to be with friends all weekend at her lake house and other friends birthday. Link to comment
DN Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Of course you should. Don't start playing 'hard to get' games. Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 ok. it's done....weird again. disappearing man. I know I am part to blame...but so we went out Friday. He was a gentleman. We went to comedy club and had a great night. he paid for everything. I had sent him ideas and he told me how overwhelmed with emotion he got that it was so sweet that he told his best friend how sweet I was to send him the ideas?! I also sent him article friday we could discuss and told me how excited he was to see me that night and how he enjoys getting notes. He got tickets early, etc..then we went to bar with live poetry. We have intense chemistry and went back to his place...no sex. just kissing and stayed over. I only had 2 1/2 drinks but didn't eat so a little tipsy. he seemed so into me. telling me how happy he was i was here. kissing my hands forehead...etc.. i told him i appreciated the earrings he got and he said don't worry there's more of that to come. when we get together it's very intense...i get carried away. We layed in bed cuddling. he would get me water all night. gentleman. kept holding me tight even when i wanted to sleep alone...and then i did the same. ok. I said some intense things in the moment like "i thought he was intriguing." and "i am glad that i reached out because i wanted to fight for him." in a buzzed state. no arguing or anything. he tried to go further but I denied and said we have plenty of time. i want to go slow and he said you're right. i am just way too open sometimes...I had a bad dream about him and his ex wife and ex girlfriend and i just told him simply. he said what abt. I played it off like nothing..and joked. "it was just a two minute dream. no big deal." next morning we got sandwiches and sat in park but we both had to leave to go to visit friends/family. I told him I was babysitting my friends dog in a few weeks. He got excited and asked if he could help me. and I said sure. It would be fun! He said it's so cute how excited and happy I am. He also mentioned helping me again a little later saying it would be so much fun. he asked me about the dream and I said "oops. sorry shouldn't have said anything..no worries." and he said like psychologist. "How does it make you feel? what are your concerns? I said I didn't want to talk and couldn't express...so he just continued to probe. "show me where do you feel your concerns? what color does it look like" i said in my stomach. what are you irrational fears?" "are you worried that I would never love you more than my ex-wife?" it felt comfortable to share...so i just told him I'm scared to get committed to someone again b/c the last relationship breakup was very difficult and I want to make sure I'm with the right person b/c I imagine divorce would be devastating." then he said...yeah I hear you. then he said "I have to go to now..." woops. way tmi. then I said, "oh. i'm sorry. let's not talk about this anymore. let's not talk about this again."we got up and left park and then we kissed. I grabbed him and held him tightly...ok. maybe my neediness started showing?! a feeling in my stomach got worse and I knew something changed. he went from hot to cold immediately. i sensed it. i had this feeling he would not call and update his profile. I was right. well I didn't hear from him at all over the weekend. not even a happy 4th. I logged into dating site...under different sleuth profile (my profile shows i haven't logged in in 14 days) and saw that he updated it with completely new information. I have not reached out whatsoever. but unnerved by the fact he didn't call or at least text to say it was done. if he didn't want to ruin weekend, He could have waited until after holiday. I regret getting too intense so early again. Why did I do this?! I felt so safe and comfortable (falsely). It's so comfortable with him...but in reality it's not real. and he has this way that he can probe and be so kind and understanding that I feel comfortable to share anything with him. what a crock. oye. i kind of feel manipulated. Link to comment
DN Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I would have lost interest as well to be honest because you were sending very mixed messages and must have been more than a little confusing. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 YOU feel manipulated????? You tell a man you've been dating for a very short time, with whom you are trying to take things slow, that you dreamed about his ex wife and ex-girl friend, and when he questions you, your initial response is "never mind, no, it's nothing". If that isn't manipulative, I don't know what is. Then, when he does probe a little deeper, you send him running by talking about how hard divorce would be!!!!! You haven't been dating for even 6 months!!!! I would assume it was over now....and yeah, work on the "intense a little to early" thing. Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 what do you mean mixed signals? Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 ok. well. I admit I'm intense. he was way intense at the beginning. I mean asking me to go on vacation with him, requesting that we be exclusive =all after 2 1/2 weeks, buying earrings on 2nd date. I was the evasive one saying let's take it slow. and then he bolted. well. I was trying to compensate and be overly sweet and showing I'm into him. On Friday he said he was an emotional person and overwhelmed by emotion when I sent him list of stuff for us to do...so i was trying to do more of that. When I drink I say stupid things...this was not the first time I've been intense while I was drinking/ making out with him. I wasn't talking about divorce with him..just in general...saying I'm scared of commitment b/c I don't want to end up in divorce. I've never been suicidal or anything like that after breakup. We talk about all kinds of things like this. We're both into psychology. He says he has hard time trusting and when he was divorcing, he realized his life was crap and falling apart and went on meds and was severely depressed. The dream was a five minute thing. I wasn't dreaming of him in a romantic sense. I wasn't trying to be manipulative. ok. so maybe i sounded a little intense/desperate. Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 we left it that he would call after the holiday. He doesn't know I know he updated his profile. Should I at least reach out casually to say "hope you had a happy 4th" or just leave it at that? ok. I admit I got carried away in emotions. i'm terrified of getting into relationship...and i guess that scared him, I was told to be open and honest about sharing feelings...so that's what i did. way too early. Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 YOU feel manipulated????? You tell a man you've been dating for a very short time, with whom you are trying to take things slow, that you dreamed about his ex wife and ex-girl friend, and when he questions you, your initial response is "never mind, no, it's nothing". If that isn't manipulative, I don't know what is. Then, when he does probe a little deeper, you send him running by talking about how hard divorce would be!!!!! You haven't been dating for even 6 months!!!! I would assume it was over now....and yeah, work on the "intense a little to early" thing. I told him the night before...after I said it I regretted saying it. then he asked the next day and i felt stupid for even saying anything the night before. i think he must think I'm out of control. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 You think? Really, you need to relax --- you've posted 4 times in one hour!!! Let him come back if he's going to --- don't push. And yes, open and honest in a relationship doesn't mean sharing every thought and feeling you are having...set some boundaries. Link to comment
sunnz Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I think you need some time away from him to get out of this anxiety thing you have...you don't seem strong in your thinking by the sounds of it... Plus the back and forth...yes then no attitude is playing games with his head...take a step back and view what you have been telling him... Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 yes. I know I messed up. Usually I'm not that intense this early. I am fully aware that this was purely infatuation. For some reason, though this dynamic/chemistry was just intense for me. Usually I am not like this until at least 5 months in. My last relationship, we had fun, it was light...he chased me for 8/9 months! I just went to psych. funny got dx'ed with ADHD like he and I thought (he was also ADHD) and put on the same med he's on. Hopefully lesson learned and will get myself together before next relationship. He told me Saturday I should go see psych because he had ADDH and all my symptoms speech patterns, thought process was similar to what he had. Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 Hi everyone...I realize my behavior was a bit off. I've now seen my psych and going back on meds as I realize my functioning is not great without them. I do not rationalize my behavior though. Consequences are consequences and I take full responsibility. Anyways, he contacted me last night by email and text...saying "hey miss sweetharmony, how was your holiday? I'm climbed into bed, very sleepy. I emailed you a story about that article we read together." no mention of getting together, etc... I'm not sure how to respond? He most certainly updated profile on the site where we met and even wrote a brand new "about me." We had discussed not seeing other people (although probably premature when just starting out again). So if he still is interested in pursuing something...then he should let me know this prior, no? Do I act nonchalant like I didn't even see it? I had resigned last night a few hours before to just move on b/c so much drama so early and this particular relationship was way too intense for me...back and forth hot and cold on both ends. I do like him a lot though and saw possible potential. how to proceed? or move on? Link to comment
.thumb.jpg.78735a344a3340a866dda54f465baebb.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.707652b1f845175b2f35e03ba7f1673e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.