Getting back your self esteem and confidence after BU

[Formula]

Has any one got any advice on getting back self esteem and confidence after a breakup?

Im the dumpee and it's been over 2 months(stopped counting the weeks at the 2 month point).

I never had much self esteem or confidence to start with and at the moment it's at it's lowest point.

[TakingtheBlame]

I think it may be rough to completely overhaul your already low self esteem/confidence right now, when you're fresh out of a break-up and trying to heal from that as well (since I do think those two things are often different, though intertwined, processes.) I only say that so that you realize this may be a long process, and there isn't a quick fix, but if you are patient, focused, and determined, you can get where you need to be. Start out with small steps. Is there anything about yourself that has always caused you low self-esteem? Your weight? Your social circle? Pick something you've always been unhappy with and focus on bettering yourself in that department. For example, when I was depressed after a break up three years ago, I decided I was going to start running and lose 20 pounds. I went to the gym every time I found myself miserable and lonely at home and lo and behold, a few months later, goal achieved, so now I was a few months down the healing road AND looking much better (which helped raise self esteem and helped me jump back into the dating game.) Keep yourself busy so you're not moping about the break up but ideally keep busy with something that will help raise your self esteem in the future. Remember, you are YOU, not just some guy who may or may not be in a relationship. Be gentle and understanding with yourself, too...just keep moving forward and results will inevitably follow!

[Formula]

There are a few things im looking to do to help with my self esteem. One is to get my class C driving licence though this will cost me upward on £1500 which i do not have at the moment and my current employer will not pay for unfortunally. But im going to set a date for maybe October time to get it started. I've been meaning to do this for almost two years so now is the time to get my finger out and do it.

Also im going to join a young ramblers club(im 32) as i love hill/mountain climbing and would love to meet other people who are into the same thing although im not great in social circles with people i dont know. Im not overweight but i think i will start going to the gym to keep my fitness levels up. I run a few times a week but it's kinda lonely running on your own all the time. I guess these thing will help if i can just stick to them and DO what i said im going to do.

[TakingtheBlame]

Sounds like a plan! Are there running clubs where you live? Those have become quite popular where I live, and I know several people who ran marathons AND met their significant others shortly after joining one.

[Formula]

Im not too sure if there's any running clubs but i must check around and find out. Yeah part of joining a group for me would be to maybe get talking

to some single women thats into the same thing aswell as just making new friends and trying to be more social with people.

[lemsip]

I'm 30 and was only 145lb before breakup, I'm now more like 130lb. Not good. It took me so long to put weight on and it has dropped off just like that. I want to put weight on but I have no appetite or energy, it really is a vicious cycle I'm having trouble getting out of.

[Mellie]

Go on holiday. Whatever shape or form. Doesn't have to cost the earth:

 

[link removed

 

I'm definitely going to look into this. Maybe. Tomorrow

[lemsip]

That's a really interesting link, thanks for posting...

[nsomnia912]

I'm 30 and was only 145lb before breakup, I'm now more like 130lb. Not good. It took me so long to put weight on and it has dropped off just like that. I want to put weight on but I have no appetite or energy, it really is a vicious cycle I'm having trouble getting out of.

 

lol i know I was 160 and dropped 10lbs in a month from lack of doing anything... and not eating... i gained it all back though and now im shooting for 180-190 range... im 510 and not by nature a big guy... but every guy is bigger than me and could easily take me... which is a total esteem killer..

 

try drinking protein shakes... i gained fast drinking like a gallon of whole milk per day.. and make the protein shake with milk instead of water.

[nsomnia912]

Has any one got any advice on getting back self esteem and confidence after a breakup?

Im the dumpee and it's been over 2 months(stopped counting the weeks at the 2 month point).

I never had much self esteem or confidence to start with and at the moment it's at it's lowest point.

 

smile as much as you can.... try to see the beauty in yourself... head up! chin up! and believe you are bomb!

 

you got dumped!!! means you had someone in the first place... means you an get another! its not the end of the world... we have at least a year still before its said to happen.. but in the meantime live each day like the end is tomorrow. if you had a week to live, is this how you would want to spend it? pay off some debts.. that always makes people feel better... or donate some time to volunteer at a church or hospital

[Snuggly]

Make yourself more attractive. Experiment with makeup, new clothes, beauty salons. Its great for your self esteem when every econd guy that walks past does a double-take to check you out Try new activities, pick something you never tried (photography, abseiling, whatever) and discover a hidden talent. Join a social group. Study something to improve your career prospects. Look in the mirror, critisize nothing admire your good bits. Loving yourself makes you less needy, less dependant on other people's approval and altogether more appealing. And it feels good.