Sad over Ex

[BlueEyes77]

Hi all, I am new here…

 

Yesterday I saw my ex-BF drive by with a woman in his car. I am assuming it was his new GF. She wasn’t very pretty and my friend who was with me agreed 100%. She was almost “tough” looking…completely opposite from me. I am always told I am pretty, refined, successful, smart, kind, etc.

 

We did not have a good relationship. He is bipolar and won’t take meds, has a drinking problem, has a violent temper, and honestly treated me like $^$# for much of the time (borrowed money and never paid back, then gave me an attitude when I finally asked; forgot my birthday; said he bought me a Christmas present and then never gave it to me; wouldn’t take me out to dinner; etc.). We had a very passionate physical relationship, but emotionally I was always getting hurt by him. Why I kept going back is a mystery to everyone; in fact, I am seeing a therapist to figure out why I would even be attracted to such a guy. Everyone who met us both always said I deserved so much more…but for whatever reason, I fell for him hard.

 

We haven’t been together in a while…or even talked much…but it bothered me to see him with someone. I guess it bothers me because he always said he “didn’t want a relationship with anyone” – which is why he ended it with me - and now to see him with someone, it makes me think I wasn’t able to get through to him but someone else could. It makes me so sad, even though I know he was so wrong for me. Advice?

[Robin2904]

I don't have any advice but I can relate. My ex was all wrong for me, actually wasn't that wonderful of a guy, people would always tell me I could do better but yet he had and still has this insane hold over me that I can't explain. Recently I saw him with his new girl, same as you and had the same reaction- she was not very pretty. I know sounds harsh but all I could think of was "HER??" so I totally understand. But in a way it's a little funny- think about it- he downgraded ALOT. I think I may actually be more upset if she were pretty, or resembled yourself don't you think? Nut I understand how you feel believe me.

[nsomnia912]

Welcome blue eyes... It sounds like this guy was a real pos...lucky you for no longer having to deal with him.....he is a common garden variety loser...and you know it..

 

I'm sorry it hurts though....we are all here hurting and healing.

 

Don't worry about him....you have yourself back...you are worth more, screw him in his insensitivity...you'll have someone who will give you the world one day.

 

Much love and support.

[MissingSparkle]

Sorry i don't have any advice either, because I am too going through something similar. I'm an accountant my ex is a construction worker who never graduated high school...need i say more? But for some reason I'm still completely obsessed with him knowing how bad he is for me

[BlueEyes77]

Thanks all. Yes, he really has nothing to offer. He barely graduated HS and I am a successful artist, but that didn't even matter if he were nice. He treated me terribly and I should be happy that we are no longer together...instead of sad...

 

It helps to know that others can relate.

[oldenoughtoknow]

By telling you he didn't want a relationship with anyone, he gave you a gift. He set you free. Accept his gift.

 

Now, he's with someone more of his caliber. The universe is back in balance.

[BlueEyes77]

I just wish I could get over him.

[rahulrocks]

@ Blue Eyes :

 

I can tell you why you felt attraction towards that guy if you really want to know.

[BlueEyes77]

Sure, why?

[rahulrocks]

@ Blue Eyes

Its because he was different in a lot of ways from ordinary guys. He perhaps did not seek you approval. Normally when guys see a good looking girl, they just become too week and nervous and all. They start doing things which the girl like and put themselves on a second priority. They put the girls on highest pedestral initially. They become nerveous when talking to them and have no fun at all. They do not have the courage to tease them and have fun. Above all they become boring, predictable wussbags. Beutiful girls are approached by such week guys most of the time and most of the time they dont give it a damn. But if someone who is not intimadated by them comes. Someones who could tease them, who could disobey them, someone who has a natural arrogance around him. Those kind of guys trigger an instant attraction in them.

The girls do not understand whats happening, there logical brain gives up and then they start finding reasons to like the person. But unfortunately sometimes these guys are jerks. They are abusive and beat up their woman. But still the woman is attracted like someone who is drugged.

But these does not mean that there are not guys around who are not wussbags but still have some sensitivity. There are guys who are not approval seekers but would feed you the chicken soup when you are ill. They are rare. But you should find them.

[BlueEyes77]

Thanks. I keep remembering how he said I am "too much for him." I guess she isn't!

[Silverbirch]

Hi Blueeyes,

 

Several years ago, I was in a long-term relationship with somebody who was diagnosed with bipolar. He was non-compliant with his medication as he was addicted to the highs (common with bipolar). A lot of people, including him, say that the medication can make them feel "dead". Life feels grey and monotonous after their mood cycling. He hurt me very badly too, and finally I had enough. I knew I couldn't go back. I would eventually die from a heart attack or something, and besides, I lost all trust and respect for him.

 

I didn't think I would ever get over him, and surprisingly, it took a lot less time than I thought it would. Fact is that when somebody does treat you so badly, and as you say, he didn't have too much going for him, well after somebody like that, it's not too difficult to meet other people who are more attractive with a lot more going for them.

 

Being with a person with BP who was non-compliant with meds and not stable really affected my self-esteem and confidence, and it took a while to bounce back. I can honestly tell you I don't feel a thing for him today, and find it hard to understand what I ever really saw in him. You will be okay. Hugs.