aeolianharpy Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 So, I'll start from the beginning. I was friends with this guy and there seemed to be a mutual attraction, so I asked him out. We went on a few "dates", if you can call them that. He never attempted to touch me at all in that time and I thought it was because he is just shy because I am much the same way. We both became so busy with work that we rarely see each other now, but we still talk on a daily basis. Then a few days ago, one of my friends found his online dating profile and he had listed himself as "Bisexual". Now, I have no problem with this. But, then this morning, it changed to "Gay". The thing is, I want to be in denial and just think that he is exploring and will eventually realize he's straight. But, I really don't think this is the case. I don't know whether to confront him about it seeing as he has no idea that I've seen his profile, or to just completely let it drop. Also, I don't think it will be easy for me to continue talking to him as a friend if things are not out in the open because I'm still attracted to him. I'm incredibly confused right now and would really love some guidance! Link to comment
FathomFear Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 The thing is, I want to be in denial and just think that he is exploring and will eventually realize he's straight. While I would say that it's relatively common for straight people to have at least one same-sex sexual experience at some point in their lives (as polls generally suggest) creating an online dating profile where you identify as gay or bi is an entirely different thing. You say that you went on a few "dates". Do you know whether he even regarded them as that? Perhaps he thought he was going out with you as a friend. I mean, I'm gay and have gone to bars/movies with female friends before. In any case, considering that this dating profile is public I would just approach him about it. It's not like he's hiding it. Link to comment
aeolianharpy Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 They were dates. We talked about it and agreed that we were dating. The only thing that really changed, though, is that he started paying for me wherever we went. Thanks for your advice. I was leaning towards asking him about it. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 It sounds like you might be the "last ditch effort" to be straight. Because of the guilt and shame heaped on gay people, especially as kids, we very often WANT to be str8 and will try to be str8 even when we're not. It sounds like he was making one last effort to push himself that way. It's sad, honestly. Link to comment
NightLily Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 It is also possible he knows some gay/lesbian people avoid dating bi people and so wanted to increase his chances to find a man via the internet. If you don't see any sexual attraction from him though I would move on regardless. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 He's actively updating a dating profile while with you, which is a problem no matter how you look at it. I think at a minimum he is still looking... and he may be someone who likes to date different people of both genders at the same time, or is still trying to decide what is best for him. But i certainly would not continue dating a guy who is still actively updating his dating profile, and specifying a desire to date a gender other than my own! There is too much risk here on lots of levels, just not worth it. Link to comment
aeolianharpy Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 It sounds like you might be the "last ditch effort" to be straight. Because of the guilt and shame heaped on gay people, especially as kids, we very often WANT to be str8 and will try to be str8 even when we're not. It sounds like he was making one last effort to push himself that way. It's sad, honestly. It is really sad. And as a friend, I feel bad for him. But, it is a pretty horrible thing to do to somebody, especially since we had been pretty close friends beforehand. I wouldn't have cared so much if not for that fact. Also, this was kinda my last ditch effort at having a normalish relationship, haha. Don't think I'll be trying it again any time soon and I definitely don't plan on continuing this whole thing. I just have to decide if this friendship is worth saving or if I should just walk away and be done with it. Thanks for all of your responses. I really needed some validation right now. Link to comment
.thumb.jpg.707652b1f845175b2f35e03ba7f1673e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.