To Early to Tell?? Should I Cut/Keep her?

[enzarto]

Ahhhh, I guess its too early to tell. But well here's the story, I'm 24, she's 19, so my first 'realization' was that she was younger than me, it's not that I know my numbers, but in a way I can see it. Is she immature? It's been 96hrs, I have no clue. All I know what it 'seems' like. She 'seems' positive, she 'seems' ambitious. She is also very attractive and in the early stage she got physical with me, 'it takes two to tango' i know--we didn't have sex or anything, but she did go down on me, on our second date. I knew asking her to come over may have probably been a bad idea, but, we spent money our last 2 dates, so I wanted to stay in and watch a movie, well the movie was good...the action was even bettter no complaint either (not the movie, me and her). So we hung out today and I told her we need to stop being physical altogether and just get to know each other, she said she was cool with it. Of course she did, she's been flipping cool with EVERYTHING that I say. She's been super bubbly and just OKAY with it, like the creature I call the concura. The concura is the species of female that just concurs with everything I say, it's quite suffocating. and I feel she's just being a passenger in a way. Like I told her that I like something, and she agreed with it, I tested her by saying the exact opposite and she agreed with that too. Then of course, I called her out on it, because that absolutely drives me crazy. Friends tell me I'm talking about this too early, I say I'm taking it day by day, others tell me to relax, I want to know PLEASE from you guys as well, if I detect somethign early should I call it off? One thing is I really admire her positive attitude, but I think she just wants to agree with me just so we're always on the same page. It's almost as if I can't wait till she challenges me--I told her to do that, but I don't want to dictate her position, I want to spectate if she does some key things that I need to have in my partner. Am I overreacting, will her challenging me come? Will she always be like this Please help

[banal]

She's 19. Just don't look for anything serious. In time she'll challenge you, sure.

[RedDress]

Like I told her that I like something, and she agreed with it, I tested her by saying the exact opposite and she agreed with that too. Then of course, I called her out on it, because that absolutely drives me crazy.

 

Don't do stuff like that.

 

Just playing devil's advocate here... If you tell me that labs are the best dog in the world, I'll agree with you. If you tell me that labs are the worst dog in the world, I'll agree with you. Does that mean I won't confront you? Not really. It means that I don't give a hoot about dogs and don't care to engage you in conversation about dogs. Or... I see merit in both of your arguments and again, I just don't care.

 

Most people will argue with you over stuff they are passionate about. For the rest? Meh... sometimes people just agree.

 

What you are doing is looking for things that are 'wrong' about her. You know what? If you keep looking, you will find stuff. Relationships aren't about finding the perfect person. It's about understanding them (good and bad) and accepting their faults. And while you are trying to figure HER out? She is trying to figure YOU out - and you are playing games and messing things up.

 

I don't think that you can or should judge someone over a period of 96 hours. Do you like her? Do you like to spend time with her? If the answer is 'yes', you should enjoy that time without passing judgement. Your opinions of her will form naturally and you will know what to do.

 

The 'signs' you picked up on? They can certainly be red flags. They also cannot. But if you keep searching like that? You WILL find some. Guaranteed.

[Weeb]

I think a lot of people tend to be very accommodating early on. She's young, it's new, I would still give her time.

 

I also second the thought that agreeing with a lot of things can just mean she doesn't care about those things much. I've been told I seem to have no opinion because I'll just nod and shrug off opinions a lot of the time. But if you bring up something I care about I can't definitely be argumentative and stubborn! It just depends on what really matters to each person, and, particularly early on, people just aren't going to bother disagreeing on things that don't make much difference to them. Playing the games is going to backfire and it's just mean to "test" people like that.

[BriarRose]

Maybe you just haven't touched on something that she has strong opinions on. Some people are just easy-going, but everyone has their hot buttons. People are going to "pick their battles" and not make a big deal out of things that aren't that important (to them), especially early on. I don't see that as a bad thing....

[enzarto]

It's probably just one of my pet peeves, maybe I'm just picky, and I think you're describing something pretty awful that i'm doing I'm embarrassed but glad you pointed that out, because I am by no means perfect at all Thanks

[enzarto]

Let me add that my issue first off (I think) is that I've always had problems maintaining relationships, just with people in general. Perhaps I need to learn to build better connections with people...

[mcholmes2011]

Don't doubt yourself You're not doing anything different than any of us You're just checking things out But now I want to ask you a question--what do you plan to do with the GIFT of friendship, joy, pleasure, and (apparent) compatibiity that she seems to be giving you, especially if it lasts six weeks, six months, a year from now?

[enzarto]

Well I don't know, Ive been in so few relationships, I suppose there is no right or wrong way. Maybe we should set some goals together, perhaps with timelines, just build our relationship, any help, am I even thinking right? As far as what I want, I want companionship with someone who is...well say productive, ambitious etc. If I'm attracted to her and she's doing something with herself, I think that's someone I'm interested in.